


Episode 2: A Trio (Apart) Save the Galaxy Anyway

by bluestalking, feverbeats



Series: A Star War Trilogy [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 18:29:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17924072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestalking/pseuds/bluestalking, https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: “So I know what you want to know,” Obi-Wan says quietly. And, he reminds himself, every hour that he leaves this unsaid, he gives more of their lives to Palpatine, to twist and exploit and make puerile. He inhales. He exhales. “You want to know if Palpatine told the truth.”In which the Jedi Council breaks them up.





	1. The Truth Comes Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! We are happy to be back with more and we hope you enjoy it. This one has more weird JEDI APPRENTICE shit in it so if you're like, "who is that? who is that character??" that is probably the answer. We haven't written part three yet but we have it in mind, so we hope to see you again, again soon!

i.

Padmé is leaving an exhausting session of the Senate, mind filled with glacial negotiations and stomach rumbling with hunger, when she is intercepted by Mace Windu.

“Senator Amidala,” he says sourly, sweeping out in front of her. She doesn’t think he’s ever liked her all that much, but now he looks positively furious. “Could you spare a moment of your time?” He sounds polite enough, at least.

She thinks of her lunch, but like a dream long past. 

“Master Jedi,” she says. “Of course.” She tries not to smile, because the last time she said the words _Master Jedi,_ it was in a very different, very pleasant context.

Mace Windu leads her to an alcove where they have some relative privacy. “I was hoping to speak to you about something a little bit--delicate.” His expression says that delicate means unpleasant. “As you probably know, the Council was recently made aware of your...relationship.” And relationship also means unpleasant.

Padmé keeps her manners and says, without either too little _or_ too much inflection, “Yes, Anakin relayed the pertinent details.”

Mace wrinkles his nose. “I see. Yes, to us as well.” He clears his throat, clearly wishing he were anywhere but here. So why _is_ he here? “You were...exclusive?” he asks.

Padmé isn’t sure how to interpret any of that question. But she’s hardly going to tell Mace Windu the exact dimensions of her exclusivity.

“I _am_ married,” she says. “But I’m not sure your line of questioning is appropriate.”

“Believe me,” he says with feeling, “if I didn’t think I had to ask, I wouldn’t. But in our questioning of Palpatine, some issues have been raised that I need resolved.”

“Palpatine?” she says sharply. “What does Palpatine have to do with anything?” Aside from the everything he has to do with. “What issues?”

“It’s a Jedi matter for now,” Mace says uncomfortably. “But it’s directly related to Anakin, and I’m not going to ask him about it. How long _have_ you been married?”

She’d rather tell him nothing, but this won’t do any harm, so she gives it to him. “Since not long after the battle on Geonosis,” she says.

Mace nods, looking pained. “That matches what Anakin said. Look, I know it’s an offensive question, but I do need to know. Is Anakin involved with anyone else?”

Padmé, trying not to look as if she’s lost her composure, says, “All I know is that Anakin has never broken faith with me. Even if you feel differently for yourself, that’s no reason for me to believe he’s cheating.”

“I hope I don’t sound cold when I say that I don’t really care whether he’s cheating or not,” Mace says. “What I care about is whether he--and anyone else--might be breaking the code in any other, more serious ways than they already have.”

Oh, she realizes. Oh, he knows about Obi-Wan. Palpatine told them about Obi-Wan. Padmé could kick Anakin--but it’s not his fault he trusted Palpatine, is it? Oh, this is shaping up to be a disaster.

“Perhaps you’d better stop intimating and start explaining what you want from me in plain language,” she says.

Maybe he realizes that if he tries the line about Jedi business again she’ll get really angry, because he seems to relent a little. “This isn’t really about Anakin,” he says. “It’s about Obi-Wan. If what Palpatine is saying is true...What _can_ you tell me about him and Anakin?”

“Obi-Wan is a good teacher and a good friend,” Padmé says, but it feels like a crumbling bridge even as she says it.

“And what else?” Mace presses. He looks like he wants to hear the truth even less than she wants to say it.

_Faithful,_ she wants to say. _Kind._

She says, “What did Palpatine say to you?”

He looks more uncomfortable than ever. “I hope it’s just a rumor, for all our sakes. Don’t take it as anything other than that. But he said Anakin and Obi-Wan have been involved.” He says it like it’s the worst thing he can imagine.

Padmé considers her options, which are few. 

“Master Windu,” she says, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, asking me this. I’m the only one of the parties you claim to be ‘involved’ who doesn’t fall under your mandate. You must trust your jedi very little if you don’t even trust that you can ask them difficult questions to their faces. Unless you’re trying to undermine the marriage you disapprove of so much? Or unless you think by asking me, you can avoid their finding out you suspected them, if you’re wrong?”

Mace looks as if he's eaten something sour. "I'm trying to deal with this with the minimum amount of disruption. I can see that's not going to be possible. But you're right. I was hoping to avoid asking them."

“I’m afraid you’ll have to,” says Padmé, “because I can’t help you.”

"I understand," Mace says, stiffly and unhappily. He probably does. "Thank you for your time, Senator." He turns on his heel and marches off, robes swirling furiously.

Padmé presses a hand to her stomach and tries to catch her breath. Then she comms Anakin.

“Anakin, is Obi-Wan with you?” she asks. 

"Of course," Anakin says. "Why, what's wrong?"

“Are you at my apartment?” she says. “If you’re not, can you get there? Quickly?”

"We are," Anakin says. "Padmé, what's going on? You feel all...wrong."

“Stay there,” she says. “I’ll tell you when I get home.” She signs off and hurries to meet them. She’s wary about talking too much in an open place, like this, but she has to get to them before Master Windu decides to pay a call.

ii.

Anakin isn't sure what kind of disaster Padmé can have to offer. She's not hurt, and Obi-Wan is with him. He wonders briefly if Palpatine could have escaped. He paces back and forth while he waits for Padmé to get back. Even Obi-Wan is quiet, anxiously waiting.

Obi-Wan has just stirred himself, said, “There are plenty of things it can’t be or we would have heard from the temple,” when the door opens and Padmé comes in. She looks pale and businesslike. 

“Threepio,” she says, “I don’t think I’ll need your services just now, would you mind powering down for awhile in the other room?”

“To be quite honest, my Lady, I could use the rest,” Threepio says, and shuffles off to the kitchen.

Padmé meets their eyes.

"What is it?" Anakin says, grabbing her hands. "What's wrong?" He can feel his heart thudding in his chest.

Padmé glances at Obi-Wan as if she wishes he wasn’t here. He can practically see her choosing her course--but all the questions that arise in him are extinguished when she speaks.

She says, “Mace Windu asked me if the two of you are having an affair.”

"What?" Anakin says sharply, adrenaline coursing through him. _So stupid._ He really thought they'd gotten away with it. He can't bear to look at Obi-Wan. "Did he say why he was asking?"

Padmé says, “He told me a source had come forward.” She meets his eyes, as if daring him to understand. 

Obi-Wan says, “Well, that’s it, then. If they’re asking you, they must be reasonably sure. They must--oh, damn.” He sounds almost breathless.

"We could deny it," Anakin says. It's a wild idea. Of course they already know. There would be no point. Then it hits him that this is his fault, and he has to sit down quickly.

“If the Council asks, we can’t lie,” says Obi-Wan. He sounds confused, like someone has hurt him but the pain hasn’t set in yet. 

“I wanted to tell you so you’d have time to prepare,” says Padmé. “If there is any way to prepare.”

"Blame me," Anakin says viciously. "We can tell them it was all my idea." If it comes down it, it _was_. He can't stand the idea of Obi-Wan being blamed. Anakin is already in trouble with the Council. It's hard to care about what they think anymore.

“No, that isn’t right,” Obi-Wan says. He reaches up and slowly scratches his ear. “You’re the apprentice. If they’re going to blame anyone, it should be me.” Obi-Wan _would_ say that. The infuriating thing, of course, is that Anakin doesn’t think there’s anything to blame anyone _for_.

"It _shouldn't_ be you, but it will be," he says with feeling. "I wouldn't be as good as I am if you didn't love me."

“I appreciate the sentiment,” says Obi-Wan. It sounds cavalier, but Anakin can see that it’s not. 

“I’m so sorry,” Padmé says. 

“No indication of who the informant is?” Obi-Wan says. “No--it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I just wondered.”

Anakin feels his chest constrict with panic and guilt. He knows exactly who. "We need to decide what to tell the Council," he says. "They'll be calling for us at any minute."

“Maybe,” Padmé says. “Maybe not. I’m not sure they want answers. I think he only spoke to me so that I would let him off the hook by giving an outright no.” Her expression bends unhappily. “I should have lied. They couldn’t do anything to me for lying. Oh, I should have--I’m so sorry.”

"No," Anakin says. "No, it doesn't matter. If you'd said no, they would have had to keep digging. They wouldn't have been able to let it go, even if they wanted to." He can practically feel the waves of misery coming from Obi-Wan. _This is my fault,_ Anakin thinks again.

“Then there aren’t really any good options, are there?” Obi-Wan says. 

"We can deny it," Anakin says. "It won't work, maybe, but we can try."

“Maybe,” Obi-Wan echoes, but he doesn’t sound convinced.

Padmé says, “Afternoon session starts soon--I have to get back. I’m so sorry. Anakin, can you come see me out?”

Anakin nods mutely. With a glance over his shoulder at Obi-Wan, he takes Padmé's hand and walks her to the door. Whatever she has to say to him in private will probably hurt more than anything she's willing to say in front of Obi-Wan.

Sure enough, as they stop in the doorway, she says quietly, “I know you know who told them.”

"They're going to say it to Obi-Wan," Anakin says. "He's going to hear it from them."

“Yes. Tell him first,” Padmé says. “You have to.” 

"Now," Anakin agrees. "Oh, Padmé, how am I going to do this?" Obi-Wan has trusted him so much.

She reaches up and kisses his temple. “Bravely,” she says. “It’s better if it’s you.”

He closes his eyes and tries to absorb some of the calm she always radiates. "Thank you," he murmurs. "I'll see you soon."

“Very soon,” she promises. She leans around him to smile at Obi-Wan, and then she’s gone. 

iii.

Obi-Wan witnesses Padmé’s strategic exit recognizing it for what it is, without being sure he wants to let her go. She’s clever and level-headed; if anyone could figure out a way to get them out of this, it would be her. But maybe, he realizes, he can’t get out of this. Maybe he shouldn’t even want to. The thought chills him. He’s a Jedi, isn’t he? He belongs to them. He’s been cheating the code the whole time. He’s not allowed to want anything.

He’s so distracted that it takes him a moment to see the way Anakin is looking at him.

“What?” he says. “What is it? I don’t have a solution, if that’s what you’re hoping.”

"No," Anakin says. He sits heavily on the couch. "Obi-Wan, this is my fault." His voice is dark with emotion.

Obi-Wan thinks of several ways to answer, most of which will start an argument. Instead of saying any of them, he asks, “What is? Breaking the rules? We’ve both chosen that. Getting caught? It was inevitable.” He winces internally at how harsh it sounds. He doesn’t mean it harshly. He means he loves Anakin, and they’re in a terrible position.

"It was," Anakin says, "but only because I'm an idiot. They wouldn't have looked into anything if someone wasn't shoving it in their faces." He pauses. "If Palpatine wasn't."

All of Obi-Wan’s thoughts--his guilt, his futile attempts at getting out of this situation, his fatalistic visions of what’s to come--still, and fall silently away from him. Something small and plaintive replaces them. It says, _You should have known this._

“Was Palpatine their source?” he asks. He sounds so mild. He wonders what Anakin will think he feels, hearing that mild voice.

Anakin looks up at him, his expression agonized. "Yes," he says. "And I was his source." He sounds disgusted.

“You told him,” Obi-Wan says. “On purpose?” It begins to sink in more fully, what Anakin is telling him. 

"I don't know," Anakin says softly. "He had a way of getting me to say more than I ever meant to. He asked so many questions, and I thought--Well, he wasn't a Jedi, he wouldn't care. He knows I love you. He knows…" He chews his lip, an uncharacteristic expression. "I asked him for sex advice."

Obi-Wan flinches. 

“But it was secret,” he finds himself saying, but that isn’t what he means. Not just a secret. _Private._ Jedi only ever had scraps of privacy and Obi-Wan had been clinging to theirs for years. And the whole time--

_Sex_ advice. The implications choke him. Obi-Wan thinks of being tortured in Palpatine’s office, feels the shame and the terror and the agony. And Palpatine had been laughing at— _everything_. Every hidden part of him.

Sex advice. The words creep up on Obi-Wan and he nearly retches.

"I'm sorry," Anakin says quickly. "I know it's horrible. I was hoping it would just never come up. I trusted him with so many stupid things--" He buries his face in his hands, looking sick.

Obi-Wan can’t bring himself to care that Anakin feels sick. He can’t believe--everything he thought belonged to them. Everything he thought was his.

“You didn’t even tell Padmé,” he says. “But you told him.”

He thinks of a hundred times that he’s been naked in Anakin’s grip. 

"I know," Anakin says. "I know, Obi-Wan. I ruined everything."

“Why couldn’t you have come to _me?_ ” Obi-Wan says unevenly. “If you needed to talk, if you were uncertain—Oh, no, I know. This was all that time when you couldn’t trust me. When you thought I was the enemy and you were sleeping with me anyway. Did you tell him that, too?”

Anakin winces. "I don't remember what I said and didn't say. And there were things he guessed that I didn't deny. I don't know, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan is hurt, but something about the wretchedness in Anakin’s voice wakes him up. Of course. What is he thinking?

“You’ve never told anyone else, though, have you?” he asks quietly.

"No," Anakin says. "I knew how much trouble we could get in." He seems to realize that it's the exact amount they're _going_ to get in, and his face falls further.

Obi-Wan swears, causing Anakin to give him a startled look, and says, “Palpatine. That monster. Everything he could wring out of you, he did. I can’t imagine what he thought he’d use this information for, when you were supposed to be friends, but he’s certainly made it work for him now.”

Anakin swallows and rubs his face. "He always had contingency plans, I think. If I wouldn't do what he wanted, or if I needed a push...Obi-Wan, I can't believe I got us into this."

Obi-Wan is so furious for a moment that he has to shut his eyes. He reaches for the Force almost desperately, until his blood is no longer boiling. Then he opens his eyes and looks at Anakin.

“You didn’t force me into anything,” Obi-Wan says. “And you’re no sith. Don’t place blame where it isn’t needed.”

"I know how you're feeling," Anakin says. "You don't have to hide it from me."

“I’m not angry at you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says. “I’m angry at the man who took advantage of your ambition and your loneliness and your fear and tried to turn you inside-out. I’m angry at him.” 

"And you're the one who's going to pay," Anakin says bitterly. "I don't care what they do to me--but you care."

Obi-Wan swallows. “It might go well,” he says. “More likely, though, that they send us to opposite ends of the galaxy. And certainly they’ll never give me another Padawan.”

Anakin looks alarmed. "Don't," he says. "They know how good you are. They'll be more upset with me."

Obi-Wan says, “I imagine they’ll manage to be upset enough for both of us.” He tries not to think about what the future will be, without Anakin or Padmé or the Jedi’s trust.

"I don't want this," Anakin says, his voice rising. "I want to make it right for you. I don't know what to do."

“Anakin, I don’t think there’s anything _to_ do,” says Obi-Wan. “We’ve made our bed. Palpatine’s revelations aren’t lies, no matter how cruel they feel. All we can do now is face up to the Council and hope for--something.” He looks at Anakin a little helplessly.

"What are we supposed to do?" Anakin asks.

“I don’t know, Anakin, I don’t know anything,” Obi-Wan says. He truly doesn’t. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, an unmooring one.

"I know," Anakin says, and now his voice is thick, as if he's about to cry. "I wish I hadn't told him. I've ruined our lives. Some Chosen One."

“I probably shouldn’t have let you grow up knowing that damn phrase,” Obi-Wan says with a weak smile. “Bad mentorship.”

"Qui-Gon told me, anyway," Anakin says. "Before he...You're right. Nobody should have said it. Because I'm not, and I've done this to you. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan brings himself to a halt. He breathes, and feels the Force around him, and tries to let his feelings flow out into it, and let it take their place.

“We got here together, Anakin,” he says. “I’m not going to pretend you haven’t made some--rather drastic mistakes. But you mustn’t discount Palpatine’s part in that, and I’ve made a few of my own. And no one forced me to sleep with you. Whatever your doubt has told you, no one forced me to love you, either. We’re here together.”

"And we'll get through it together?" Anakin says uncertainly. "Because they can't make me leave you _or_ Padmé. Nothing could." His bravado is less convincing than it has been in the past. The Council could make him.

And Obi-Wan isn’t sure that Anakin _would_ disobey the Council in this, if push came to shove. He isn’t sure what he would do himself. He loves Anakin to his bones, but the Jedi are the blood in his veins. Without them, who would Obi-Wan even be? Well--he won’t know what he’d do until they order him to do something he doesn’t want. And whatever answer he gives, he can’t know how bearable it will be until he’s trying to bear it. 

But the goal is to make sure it never comes up.

He says, “I think we’d better find a way to get ahead of all this. We’re behind by a few crucial paces, but--maybe we can catch up.”

Anakin gives him a wan smile. "You're feeling better, I see."

Obi-Wan rubs hard at his eyes and says, “You know I’ll fall apart without you, I can’t possibly sit back and let it happen.”

Anakin tilts his head with a bemused expression. "Would you fall apart? If you'd said these things before--Well. I might not have been so stupid." He takes Obi-Wan's hand. "We'll be all right. All three of us." He almost sounds like he means it this time.

Obi-Wan wonders if it _is_ his fault, for not doing better, for not saying more. He says, “I’ll make it so. I’ll _make_ it so.” And lets the Force buoy him, because he doesn’t feel put together at all. “I’ll talk to Master Windu myself.”

"I'd offer to help," Anakin says darkly, "but he does hate me."

Obi-Wan laughs, startled into real, warm good-humor.

“Anakin,” he says, except there’s nothing else he wants to say. Just that, to hold onto it.

iv.

Actually asking for a meeting with Mace and Yoda is horribly daunting, but as soon as there’s a time set for it, Obi-Wan finds himself in a grimly good mood. 

“Who knows?” he says to Anakin, as they wait out the clock. “They let your marriage go. They could get shockingly confused about this as well. It could all be fine.”

Anakin eyes him dubiously. "Maybe," he says. "If it isn't, just remind them that we saved the galaxy. That should be good for a few more transgressions."

Obi-Wan says, “We shouldn’t wish for favors to repay something well done, you know that.” But a small part of him wishes they’d think like Anakin. Obi-Wan wouldn’t know what to make of the Jedi, but he’d still be _here._ Still--it’s like he’s said. It might not be that bad.

"I could come with you," Anakin says. "Sometimes you just fold when you're talking to them." Obi-Wan isn't sure what Anakin thinks he'd be able to do differently. In most cases, he only frustrates the Council.

“No,” he says. “I’ll talk to them. I think it will be better if I come to them as a peer, rather than as a--team. A small rebellion. Whatever you’d like to call it.”

"You know what I'd like to call it," Anakin says. "But have it your way. I never do know what they want."

“No,” Obi-Wan agrees, amused. He doesn’t feel afraid, only uncertain. And he is certain that he has to go. “Ah, it’s about time. Any other words of advice from you? Any particular habits you think I should break for the occasion?”

"Don't be self-deprecating," Anakin says. "They're already going to be hard enough on you." He leans in and gives Obi-Wan a firm kiss that feels more protective than romantic.

Obi-Wan leans back, only an inch or two so that he can see Anakin’s face. He tucks Anakin’s hair back behind his ear. 

“Who let you become so ill-groomed, hm?” he says softly.

"I can think of at least two people," Anakin says. He gives Obi-Wan a very brave smile. "Go on. Don't make them wait for you."

Obi-Wan finds his hand and squeezes it, then turns to walk into whatever fate his friends and mentors have in store for him.

v.

Mace Windu and Yoda are waiting for him at the Temple. They walk with him to one of the smaller meditation rooms, silent and serious. Mace keeps glancing at him while they walk.

"Sit, Obi-Wan," Yoda offers once they're inside. He's floating on his hoverchair next to Mace, who looks stormy.

Obi-Wan lowers himself to the ground, and waits for Mace to find a seat across from him. 

Then he says, “I suppose you knew that it wouldn’t take long for anything you said to Senator Amidala to make its way to my ears. Anything relevant, I mean.”

"I took that chance when I spoke to her," Mace says. Then he falls silent, watching Obi-Wan. Maybe relishing his last few moments of ignorance.

“So I know what you want to know,” Obi-Wan says quietly. And, he reminds himself, every hour that he leaves this unsaid, he gives more of their lives to Palpatine, to twist and exploit and make puerile. He inhales. He exhales. “You want to know if Palpatine told the truth.”

Yoda makes a thoughtful noise and closes his eyes. "Yes," Mace says, "And whatever you tell us, we'll believe it. We trust you." Is he offering Obi-Wan a chance to lie?

Anakin would consider it. But Obi-Wan can’t. Even the smallest voice in him that says, _You can be safe if you do this_ , he doesn’t believe and he doesn’t listen to. Lying at this stage would be an entirely new breach of faith.

“I’m sorry,” he says. Sorry for what he’s about to say, sorry for their faith. He can’t look quite at either of them, so he stares between them. “I don’t know what Palpatine has said to you, so I don’t know what part of that is true. But--one thing is true. Before he had Padmé, Anakin had me. And he still does.”

Yoda exhales, sounding pained. He opens his eyes. "A shame this is, Obi-Wan."

"A shame," Mace says, exasperated. "It's more than that. He was your padawan."

Obi-Wan swallows, but it doesn’t wash away the sudden bright guilt. “I know,” he says. “Not--it wasn’t--it wasn’t when he was young. That’s not--” He’s tongue-tied, horrified, and he knows if Anakin was here he’d be shouting about how it’s _his_ doing, _his_ idea. 

"No?" Mace says. "Let me guess. It was when he was old enough to start pushing boundaries with _everyone_. I just didn't think you'd let him."

"Trust you we did," Yoda says.

“I know,” Obi-Wan says, quaking deep inside. He can’t apologize, because he isn’t sorry for doing it. But he’s afraid, now. 

"Bring this to the Council we must," Yoda says.

Mace nods. "We should have dealt with this when Skywalker told us he was married. Then we might not have had to…"

_So it’s fine as long as it’s kept the right kind of secret?_ Obi-Wan has to bite his tongue hard, to stop himself from saying it. He’s afraid, but he’s angry. It’s hypocrisy.

"Not that it matters now, but it was his idea, wasn't it?" Mace says.

Obi-Wan’s anger sparks. “No one was coerced,” he says.

"Just convinced," Mace says a little nastily. "I know how you can be about him."

"As you say, Master Windu, it matters not," Yoda says sharply. "Thank you, Obi-Wan, for your honesty."

Obi-Wan nods, but his heart is racing. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. All he knows is that the entire Council will know about this, and whatever Yoda and Mace do will have to account for their feelings.

"We'll convene as soon as possible," Mace says. "I don't want anyone to be able to say we let this lie. I wish it wasn't about people's perception as well as a violation of the code."

Obi-Wan says, “And for now?”

"For now," Mace says, "of course we'll have to keep you and Skywalker separate. There's no question that you can't be in charge of his training."

Obi-Wan feels a rush of panic as it hits him afresh that this confession means not only that they are found out, but that it’s over. One of the two great things he cares about in the universe is over. He thinks of Anakin saying _sometimes you just fold when you’re talking to them_. He says, “Surely we’ve proven ourselves as a team.”

Yoda lowers his ears in displeasure. "A problem, hm? Too close a team."

"We should have seen this," Mace says. "Our respect for you blinded us."

Obi-Wan grasps his courage, or his foolhardiness.

“You made an exception for Anakin and Senator Amidala,” Obi-Wan says. He gropes for the Force but he can’t be soothed. “If it matters so much, why let _them_ carry on?”

"She is not his master!" Mace snaps. "You seem to be having trouble understanding the seriousness of this situation, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan shuts his mouth. He looks to Yoda, but he can feel Yoda’s judgment from here. He thinks maybe all this time he has managed not to know how serious it is. Too busy worrying about love, which he shouldn’t have had at all.

“Don’t punish Anakin,” he says. “I understand--keep us apart. But please, don’t punish him.”

That seems to have been the wrong thing to say. "Your choice it is not," Yoda says sharply.

"You're not in a position to dictate either of your punishments!" Mace says. "This is--truly unbelievable."

It’s incredible how quickly years of being their equal can wash away into nothing. He’s lost their respect. He could lose his seat on the council, they could expel him from the order altogether. He could lose everything. But regardless of he’s left with...Anakin will be gone.

He squeezes his hands together in his lap and doesn’t say anything.

"Discuss this, the council must," Yoda says gravely.

"Palpatine is going to get his wish," Mace says. He sounds disgusted. "This is going to turn public opinion against us."

It’s worse than anything else they’ve said, and Obi-Wan knows it’s true. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ll do what it takes to--I’m sorry.”

"Sorry isn't an especially useful sentiment," Mace says coldly. "Of all the Jedi--I never would have worried about this with you. Ever."

“I understand,” Obi-Wan says. He can barely hear his own voice. He wants, childishly, to beg them to move past this part and tell him what they want from him. Maybe this _is_ what they want--a moment to grieve, furiously, a person they thought they knew.

Yoda clears his throat. "Dwell on the past we must not. Move forward we will." He stirs himself and moves his hoverchair closer to the door. "Go, Obi-Wan. Wait for the council's decision you must. And meditate on what you can learn from this."

“Master,” Obi-Wan says. He gets up from the floor somehow, bows to them both, and flees. He feels like his body is nothing but an object he is piloting, from a thousand miles away.

They didn’t say he couldn’t go back to Anakin, so he does.

vi.

Anakin tries to think of other things while Obi-Wan is gone, but the living Force around him feels too unsettled. He tries to remember exactly what Yoda said about the traditions when he was talking about Anakin and Padmé.

After what feels like years, Obi-Wan comes back. Anakin can feel the disturbance even more strongly than before. He moves his legs off the couch to make room for Obi-Wan.

"Well, Master?"

Obi-Wan glances at Anakin’s legs, then the couch. He sits. He moves with all his usual gestures, but something is _wrong_.

“It didn’t go well,” he says.

Anakin feels cold. "What do you mean? How bad?" Are they out of the Jedi Order? He never should have let Obi-Wan go.

“The Council has to discuss,” Obi-Wan says slowly. “But I was right that they’d split us up. They’re going to split us up.”

Anakin's anger catches him by surprise, knocking the breath out of him. It rises in his like lava, white-hot and searing. "They said that?" It doesn't sound like a question when he hears himself say it.

“I’m not your teacher anymore,” Obi-Wan says. He won’t look at Anakin, which is like them stealing him already. “We’ll be sent on--different assignments. Assuming they don’t expel us. Far ends of the galaxy. Just like I said.”

"We won't," Anakin says, flat and furious. "I don't accept that, Master." He often uses Obi-Wan's name, but he's going to call him Master every chance he gets to make him understand.

“You have to, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says. “There’s no choice involved.” He won’t raise his voice, he won’t _look at Anakin_.

"Master," Anakin says through gritted teeth. "You can't just accept this." But it's Obi-Wan, of course he can. Anakin wants to shake him.

“What was I supposed to do, Anakin? Fight them bodily? There was nothing I could say to make them see it as right. It’s not like with you and Padmé, Anakin, and they don’t care that we uncovered Palpatine. I could have destroyed everything and it wouldn’t have made a difference.” He’s rubbing his face with his right hand, spouting nonsense.

"If it had been me," Anakin says forcefully, "I would have done all of that. I would have done anything, rather than let this happen." He can't imagine being away from Obi-Wan. He hasn't been, not really, since he was nine years old.

“Well, I’m sorry, but if you think it would have ended any better than this, you’re a fool,” Obi-Wan says.

"Don't," Anakin says, getting to his feet. "If we're really going to be separate, don't be like that." He has a thousand visions of screaming in Yoda's face, of flinging his lightsaber down on the floor of the Council chambers, of riding away in a speeder with Obi-Wan and Padmé and nothing else.

But Obi-Wan couldn't stand that.

“There wasn’t a choice, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said. Why does he keep saying things so reasonably, as if they don’t hurt him at all? “There was never any choice. This was always going to happen, and I should have known that from the beginning.”

And now he's rewriting their history, making it into something shameful. Well, Anakin refuses to feel ashamed. "I guess you'd better go, then."

Obi-Wan looks up at him, suddenly pale. Or maybe he’s been pale the whole time. How would Anakin know, when Obi-Wan wouldn’t look at him until now?

“Please don’t do that,” Obi-Wan says in almost a whisper.

Anakin reaches out for the Force, trying to put his anger aside. He's not angry at Obi-Wan. Not really. "I'm sorry, Master," he says. "I'm just very upset."

“I know,” Obi-Wan says. “I know you are. I thought it would be different. I didn’t think--”

"You didn't think we'd finally get in trouble for acting like we're above the law," Anakin says unhappily. "I know. Neither did I."

“I don’t know why they let me come back,” Obi-Wan says. “I didn’t think they would.”

Anakin clenches his fists and forces himself to breathe. "I want to fight them," he says. "But I know you'd hate that." He tries to imagine the rest of his life without Obi-Wan and feels sick.

“I almost wish you would,” Obi-Wan says. “But if you’re going to do anything rash, can it wait?” His voice breaks. “Can it wait until I’ve gone?” Before Anakin can even respond, Obi-Wan buries his face in his hands and starts to cry.

Horrified, Anakin sits by Obi-Wan and puts an arm around him. "Master, don't," he says. He can't think about what it means to lose Obi-Wan. It's too big. "It's going to be all right." It isn't.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” Obi-Wan says. His voice is raw. Anakin thought he was done hearing Obi-Wan’s voice do new and terrible things for awhile, but he was wrong. This is almost worse than with Palpatine. 

If Anakin ever doubted Obi-Wan’s love, he can’t doubt it now.

"We'll find ways to communicate," Anakin says, but he can't say it with conviction. Obi-Wan seems convinced to take their punishment for what it is.

“They won’t let you out of their sight,” Obi-Wan says. “I--I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask who would teach you. It happened so fast.”

"Forget it," Anakin says. "I'm sure I'll find out." He's sure he'll make the person's life a living hell. He hugs Obi-Wan close. "Just don't think about that right now, Master."

“Oh, naturally, I’ll put it all out of my mind,” Obi-Wan says, but it doesn’t sound like a joke, it sounds like grief. He touches Anakin’s face. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he says. “All right? You’ve done so much. And things might change.” He doesn’t sound as if he believes it.

"They will," Anakin says, because if he can't do anything else for Obi-Wan, he can keep hoping. Then he remembers the other thing. "Oh, Padmé's going to be crushed."

Obi-Wan smiles faintly. “Not over me, I think.”

"She likes you!" Anakin says. Now Padmé is never going to get the chance to find out if she more than likes Obi-Wan. It feels devastating and insurmountable.

Obi-Wan must feel the same way, because he just nods and doesn’t answer.

Anakin grips Obi-Wan's hands. "I just want to spend every minute with you until then." He can hold Obi-Wan and plan at the same time.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says. He laughs uncomfortably. “And know that the entire Jedi Council is imagining it.”

"Well, I hope they enjoy it," Anakin says savagely, pulling Obi-Wan into a kiss. Obi-Wan’s arms wrap around him and squeeze, more and more tightly, until it hurts. Until Anakin can barely breathe, and Obi-Wan is shaking, and they still don’t pull away.

Anakin pushes Obi-Wan down on the couch, still pressed against him, hands touching Obi-Wan wherever he can. He doesn't know what he's showing him, except that this isn't over; he won't let it be over.

Obi-Wan releases him long enough to start undressing, fingers quick and awkward (on both hands, on both). His eyes are on Anakin, sweeping up and down his chest and face, looking like he’s trying to scan him in three dimensions, to store away for emergencies.

If the council has their way, every day is going to be _for emergencies._

Anakin fumbles through helping Obi-Wan undress, fighting not to feel numb and removed from the situation. He doesn't need to store away memories of what Obi-Wan looks like; he'll never forget. He wants to capture the way Obi-Wan's skin smells, though, and he way he feels when Anakin bites down on his shoulder. Anakin makes sure to leave a mark.

Obi-Wan is panting under him, face pressed against Anakin’s collarbone, when he says, “Bedroom. Please. I want to do it right.”

There’s not a right or wrong, but Anakin thinks what he means is comfortable. Safe.

Anakin pulls him into the bedroom by the arm, ignoring Obi-Wan's bruises. He strips off his own tunic and pushes Obi-Wan down on the bed, pressing a knee between his bare legs. 

There are marks on him from Palpatine, fading but still visible. Anakin realizes he won’t see them heal. 

Obi-Wan drags him down and kisses him.

“I love you,” he says, between one kiss and the next. “I love you, and I’m proud of you, I’m so proud of you, Anakin.”

Anakin takes a sharp, involuntary breath. He would have killed to hear that, a month ago. Now Obi-Wan's giving it up so easily. "I love you," he says thickly. "Don't act like this is goodbye." He kisses Obi-Wan so he can't answer him.

It only works until Obi-Wan pulls away to breathe. Right on the tail of the breath, Obi-Wan says, “I have to imagine it is.”

Anakin doesn't work like that. Only furious hope keeps him going. He only stops touching Obi-Wan long enough to finish undressing. He wants to feel every inch of Obi-Wan's skin against his.

Obi-Wan watches him, leaning back on his elbows. Anakin can trace all the scars and freckles on him by memory. Even the new ones. 

Obi-Wan says, “There’s oil in the drawer, isn’t there?” Which is another way Anakin can tell they’re in a nightmarish situation. Obi-Wan doesn’t _ask_ for things. Not even as sideways as that.

"Yes," Anakin says. His voice sounds harsh in his own ears. He could use the Force to call the little vial of oil to him, but he doesn't. Instead he fumbles in the drawer for it. "Hold still," he tells Obi-Wan. He doesn't want this over fast, but he wants to be close to Obi-Wan now.

Obi-Wan slides a little further down the pillows and settles in, making room for Anakin between his legs.

“Be nice, all right?” he says. 

"I am," Anakin says, feeling heartbroken for the first time. He should have been nicer when he had the chance. He kneels between Obi-Wan's legs and slicks his fingers with the oil, getting it all over the bedspread. He spreads Obi-Wan's legs and pushes a finger inside, bending over him to kiss his stomach.

Obi-Wan inhales sharply and grabs at Anakin with his right hand--his neck, his arm, his shoulder. He settles with his hand twisted in Anakin’s hair. Anakin can feel his fist clench with the motion of Anakin’s fingers, clench and then release quickly, because Obi-Wan is stupidly conscientious. 

"You're all right," Anakin says under his breath. He bites down on Obi-Wan's hip and works his finger in and out until he can add a second one. Fist tight in his hair. Good.

Anakin works until Obi-Wan is sweat-soaked and shaking. He makes noise when Anakin does something very right, but mostly, Obi-Wan’s breathing is the loudest thing in the room.

Eventually, Anakin reluctantly withdraws his fingers. "Do you want me?" he whispers. He feels like they should be whispering.

“Do you have to ask?” Obi-Wan says back, just as quietly. “Yes, Anakin, always.”

Anakin wishes the room was dark, because he's crying with anger and frustration when he slicks himself with oil and slides his dick inside Obi-Wan.

They hit a rhythm, but it doesn’t feel right (of course it doesn’t, none of this is right). Obi-Wan says breathlessly, gently, “I didn’t mean to render you toothless.”

"I don't want to hurt you, Master," Anakin says. He's done that so much without meaning to. But he reaches up and drags the fingers of his mechanical hand down Obi-Wan's chest.

Obi-Wan makes a noise, frustrated and stricken. He drags Anakin in until their bodies meet, until he’s kissing Anakin so hard it bruises. 

Anakin bears down on Obi-Wan with all his weight and presses his palm, the one slick with oil, to Obi-Wan's chest, pinning him to the mattress. He kisses him and kisses him, only breaking away to kiss his neck, his shoulders, his collarbone.

Obi-Wan’s knee presses into Anakin’s side. His breath catches into near sobs, and he clings to the bed as Anakin fucks him faster and harder.

Anakin grabs Obi-Wan's hair in his fist and yanks his head back, biting his throat. He can feel his whole body humming with frantic energy as he fucks him. He can feel the Force all around them both, binding them together. They have to be together.

Obi-Wan is begging under his breath, eyes screwed shut, his nails cutting across Anakin’s back. 

Anakin doesn't bother telling him it's all right. He just shuts his eyes and wraps his mechanical hand around Obi-Wan's cock.

Everything is dizzy and hot and wild, absolute focus on finishing something Anakin doesn’t want to end. Obi-Wan comes yelling, with his face buried in Anakin’s shoulder, arms tight as a vice around his shoulders.

Anakin breathes, gasping, and comes, not letting go for an instant. For a long, long moment, he can't move. He just kneels, chest to chest with Obi-Wan, feeling the heat of his skin. His face is still wet with tears.

When his legs start to ache and he has to move, he whispers, "Sorry, Master," and rolls over so he's next to Obi-Wan.

“Oh,” says Obi-Wan, panting. His hand finds Anakin’s and he squeezes without letting go. “Are you crying now? Oh. What a mess we are.”

"Sorry," Anakin says, but something about the way Obi-Wan sounds so much like himself reignites that terrible, violent feeling of hope inside. Obi-Wan may need this to be goodbye, but Anakin won't let it be. "I'll always be with you, Master," he says. Obi-Wan can take that however he wants.

Obi-Wan is quiet for a minute. Then he says, “Are you going to listen to me for once and let this lie?”

"I'm going to let them send us wherever they send us," Anakin says. "That's all I can promise you."

A squeeze of his hand. Obi-Wan makes a grumbling noise.

"Love you, Master," Anakin says brightly. He still feels awful about the whole situation, but he doesn't feel hopeless. It's a big galaxy. They'll make a way to find each other again.

vii.

Mace Windu is furious. He knows that's not an appropriate emotion for a Jedi, but every time he schools his emotions into something more acceptable, he remembers all over again that Obi-Wan and the Skywalker boy have made fools of them all. He feels in some way personally responsible for it, as if he should have known. Then again, nobody knew. Not about this or the Sith or apparently anything else.

He calls an emergency session of the Council, and when they arrive, he still hasn't decided how to tell them.

It’s an incomplete membership that he has to address, with six of them present and two calling in. Not to mention Obi-Wan, waiting to be summoned. That leaves three masters missing, and Mace can’t decide if that’s better or worse. No--it means he’ll have to fill them in later, and go through all of this again.

When all the attending Council members are seated, Master Plo says, “An emergency session with no clue as to its purpose is most disturbing, Masters. Please, tell us what has happened. A matter of war, I presume?”

Yoda frowns, his ears flattening outwards. “Afraid I am that this is not the case, Master Plo. An inward matter, this is.”

"We've had some disturbing information from Palpatine," Mace says. There's no sense dragging this out, distasteful as it is. "He told me that Master Obi-Wan is romantically involved with Skywalker."

There's a brief silence. Then Adi Gallia says, "So he's trying to poison our minds and destroy us from within."

“From Obi-Wan’s own mouth, a deception this is not,” says Yoda.

Mace sees Plo Koon grip the arms of his chair. 

"What?" Adi says sharply. "That's not possible."

Mace remembers perfectly well going very quickly through denial and into the realization that it should have been clear from the start. He can feel all of their confusion--Kit feels aghast. Master Luminara frowns into the distance, plucking invisible dust from her skirt. 

Master Mundi, in blurry blue, says, “How long has this been going on?”

"Years," Mace says.

Kit looks sick. "Years? Since Anakin was his padawan?"

"Yes," Mace says, "but long after Skywalker was a grown adult capable of making his own mistakes."

"If so, there are worse things than the two of them sleeping together," Shaak Ti says carefully. "Anakin has to put all that energy somewhere."

“A fine line it is,” Yoda says. “But strong is the attachment between them. That they betray the code, no doubt can there be.”

"How could Obi-Wan do this?" Kit says, as if to himself. Too emotional, that one.

"More importantly, how is this going to look?" Adi says briskly. "Our two heroes? It's awfully convenient for Palpatine."

“Yes, clever of him,” Ki-Adi says, grim. “And cruel, too.”

“Is his cruelty really what we should be worried about?” Master Luminara asks quietly. “After all, what must matter is that they’ve broken the code.”

“And put us in an impossible position,” Plo Koon says. “ _Heroes._ With the eyes of the Senate on us, how can we possibly respond? I have respected Obi-Wan for many years, but this is an offense that would normally necessitate expulsion. Yet we can’t expel the two Jedi who apprehended Palpatine without making it look as if we doubt their honor and Palpatine’s guilt.”

"It's what he wants," Mace says. He doesn't plan to say anything too leading. As one of the elder members of the Council, he should watch this play out.

"But doing nothing isn't an option," Adi says.

"Obi-Wan is training Anakin again," Kit says uneasily. "Surely that can't continue."

“Continue it will not,” Yoda says. “Of that there will be no question. To their own paths, each must look. Apart they will be. But for what direction those paths may take, we ask you for your wisdom.”

Luminara says slowly, “Master Plo is right, that to punish them now would be very bad for us politically. But should we be guided by politics that way? What they’ve done is--” She looks around the circle, inviting someone else to express exactly what it is.

"Horrific," Kit says.

"That's a little strong," Shaak Ti says. "I agree it's a breach of the code, but it's one that hasn't done as much damage as some. The fact that we didn't know should tell us something."

Mace privately believes that they should have known. Why else would Obi-Wan have been blinded to Anakin straying from his path?

“We didn’t know,” Plo Koon says sharply. “But Palpatine did. And what was Obi-Wan doing the entire time that Palpatine was grooming his apprentice? Keeping out of the way to avoid looking jealous?”

"Yes, what about Palpatine and Anakin?" Shaak Ti asks.

"This is beside the point," Mace says. "The question is, what can be done?"

“Is it beside the point?” Master Luminara asks. “Is it possible that the whole thing is Palpatine's fault somehow?”

“Master Luminara,” Ki-Adi says, “I think you are trying too hard to pretend that people aren’t sometimes just besotted with one another. For better or worse,” he adds.

"Jedi are supposed to be above that, though," Adi says. "And whether or not that's right--and I strongly believe that it is--they knew they were breaking the rules. We have to respond."

“Like I said,” Plo Koon says, “if these were normal days, they would both be expelled in a heartbeat. But as these are not normal days--what can we do?”

“Little more than what Master Yoda has already mentioned. I wouldn’t even recommend removing Obi-Wan from the Council,” Ki-Adi says. “It doesn’t look good.”

So the tide is turning as Mace knew it would. They care more about how it looks to those outside the Order than about what is right. He can't argue. He agrees with them.

"So we give Skywalker another Master," he says. "I don't suppose any of you is interested in taking him on."

There is a telling silence. Yoda stirs himself. 

“Very well,” he says. “Watch over Skywalker, Master Windu will. And keep our peace with Obi-Wan, this Council will.”

“It seems to me we are letting ourselves down,” Master Plo says. “If this is how it must be, I feel, emphatically, that the boundaries must be strict. They cannot behave like Jedi? Then they have given up all right to one another’s company.”

“You mean to keep them from _ever_ seeing one another?” Master Luminara asks. “That seems impracticable.”

"But not impossible," Mace says. This, he feels strongly about. "We won't send them on missions together. They won't be master and padawan. They won't have any reason to see one another, and if they have any shame, they won't make a point of it."

“And if they seek one another out? We have very little recourse,” Plo Koon says.

“Retribution our purpose is not,” Yoda says sharply. “Deal with such things as they pass we will. For now, assume we will that they _will_ behave as Jedi. Do this we must.”

Kit clears his throat. "Are we going to have a chance to speak to Obi-Wan about this today?"

“When we are in agreement, then he will be called,” Yoda says. “But remember: understandable, your unhappiness is; but rage, the Jedi way is not.”

"I'm not angry," Kit says, and truly, he doesn't sound it. "I'm just--" He shakes his head. Mace can feel the disappointment, confusion, and betrayal.

"I think we're all quite shocked," Adi says. "We thought he knew better."

“I would have thought he would be better,” Plo Koon says. “But as he isn’t. We may as well deal with him as he is. I believe we are ready, Master Windu.”

"Mm," Mace says. Plo is being even harsher than he is. It's helping him temper his own responses. One of many ways in which having the Council there is helpful. He rises and goes to the hallway to summon Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan sits in the hall, back straight, his right hand resting over the left one in his lap. He’s looking down the hall when Mace comes out, but he turns quickly, searching. He is a smaller, paler version of his usual self.

"Master Kenobi," Mace says. "We're ready for you." There's no way to make this less difficult, even if he wanted to--and at the moment he finds that he does. He leads Obi-Wan back in, only hoping that the others can behave like Jedi, even if Obi-Wan hasn't.

All the eyes in the room hit Obi-Wan at once, and he stops and starts. Moving to sit down automatically, Mace guesses, before realizing what a terrible misstep that is. Obi-Wan stops in the center of the circle, and as Mace sits, he is alone. 

“Masters,” Obi-Wan says. It’s like all the sound has been sucked out of him.

“Pleased the Council is not, Obi-Wan,” Yoda says.

"What were you thinking?" Adi asks. "Honestly? Skywalker?" Not, to Mace's mind, the crux of the problem.

“Your own padawan,” Plo Koon says. He’s minding Yoda’s warning about anger, but his disdain is no less obvious. “And because of that, we are in a most difficult position. A jedi should be cast out of the order for doing what you’ve done.”

Obi-Wan says, “And are we?”

“To Anakin’s fate, no mind will you give,” Yoda says. “On your own be focused. Penitence, Obi-Wan. And discipline. Find these things within yourself, you must.”

"We have no desire to remove you from the order, or even from the council," Mace says, bending the truth liberally. "But we do want to make sure your mind is where it needs to be."

Obi-Wan looks like he knows there’s a lie in there, and from the way he looks around at the Council, Mace suspects he also has some guesses about who would happily kick him out. He doesn’t contradict him, though. He only says, “Thank you, masters, for your generosity of spirit. I will do what is necessary.”

To Mace's surprise, now that Obi-Wan is in the room, Kit isn't saying anything. He's just watching Obi-Wan with something like horror. Not all of them are so reticent, though.

"And don't feel like you've gotten away with something," Adi says. "You should plan to keep yourself away from Anakin. Master Windu will be training him from now on." Mace could swear she gives him a triumphant look. Yes, he's aware that he drew the short straw.

Obi-Wan shoots a glance Mace’s way, laced with both surprise and something more complicated and painful. He says, “I promise you, Adi, I don’t think I’ve gotten away with anything.”

"You may find that it's pleasant to be released from having him as your padawan," Shaak Ti says gently. "And he may do well with a master who is less...beholden to him."

“No one could doubt Master Windu’s abilities,” Obi-Wan says.

“Rules there will be, Obi-Wan, although on the Council you remain,” says Yoda. “With Anakin you will not work or speak for any purpose.”

Obi-Wan stares at him. “But surely in the course of everything we do I must be able to at least--”

"No," Mace says sharply. "If he isn't your padawan and you're not working together, why should you speak to each other? There are plenty of Jedi you never speak to."

"You would think, after all this, that you'd be more interested in proving that you can do the right thing," Adi says.

For a moment Obi-Wan is silent. Mace waits to feel something from him, a rush of distress or protest. But there’s nothing.

“You’re right, of course,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “I understand, and I will comply with what the Council requires.”

"That easily?" Adi asks. "Then how did you end up in this position in the first place?"

Mace has no questions there. If you know anything of Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship, you can extrapolate.

Obi-Wan, still completely unreadable, looks back to Yoda.

“A trial this is not,” Yoda says. “Admitted his wrongdoing, Obi-Wan has. Now the consequence he accepts. Agreed, you have, upon what that consequence is. More do you require?”

Adi is smart, and she knows when to stop. She inclines her head toward Yoda and sits back in her chair. Kit is still miserably silent.

"I hope we can all move forward from this," Mace says. "We have a number of more important things to deal with in the coming weeks."

Master Mundi stirs. “We’ve already determined that Obi-Wan is no less one of our number than he was this morning. I suggest that he takes a seat and we move on to other matters.”

Mace allows himself a smile at Master Mundi. He should have known he could count on him. "I agree. We do still have a war to be wrapping up."

Obi-Wan hesitates, but at a nod from Yoda, he takes his usual seat. He doesn’t look happy or comfortable, but Mace can’t sense his feelings.

Mace forces himself to focus on the matter at hand--largely, Count Dooku--and soon he's almost forgotten the disruption to their routine. Almost. Obi-Wan remains so quiet that nothing feels quite normal. Mace tells himself it will just take time.

Obi-Wan does speak up eventually. He isn’t fully healed from his encounter with Palpatine, and sending him on strenuous offworld missions is still out of the question. He offers to spend some time in the library.

“It’s never hurt before,” he says.

"Whatever you find, let us know first," Shaak Ti says. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you that we don't need you running off on one of your unauthorized missions again."

“Of course, Master Ti,” Obi-Wan says. Mace finds himself waiting for the joke, but there isn’t one.

"Everyone else, you know what to do," Mace says, pushing away his discomfort and disappointment. "We need to find Dooku. Put out enough fires and we _will_ find him."

Everyone stirs, signing off or getting up, breaking into small groups to talk about what comes next--or whatever else. Mace watches to see not only what Obi-Wan will do, but what everyone else will do around Obi-Wan. 

He hears Luminara say, “Do you want to eat with us?”

Obi-Wan, politely, says, “Thank you, but no. I think I’ll wait on lunch. I have a--few ideas to start on.”

He extricates himself from that conversation and manages to slip out of the room before anyone else--including Mace--can stop and talk to him further. 

When he's convinced that everyone is where they should be, Mace asks Yoda to walk with him. When they're out of earshot of the others, he says, "How do you think that went?"

“Depends it does on what you hoped for,” Yoda says. “Happy I am not. Concerned for Obi-Wan, I am. But the Force moves in ways--unexpected. For better or worse, no clear outcome do I see.”

Mace's brown furrows. Not really what he was hoping for, but Yoda is rarely satisfying. "I just wanted to bring things back into balance. What does any of us want? I certainly didn't want to end up training Skywalker."

“Ah,” says Yoda, and Mace detects the slightest amount of glee in his expression. “A challenging time for all, this is. A challenge for you as well. Learn to control _your_ anger, perhaps you will. Learn to improve _your_ patience.”

"I understand that we're all still learning," Mace says testily, "but did it have to be like this?"

“Hurt, are you?” Yoda asks.

"Concerned," Mace says. "I feel that it's going to be a disaster. As if it's not already bad enough with Obi-Wan." That, he is hurt about.

“For Anakin, trust the Force,” Yoda says. “It will guide you, and a good teacher you will be. And for Obi-Wan--remain clearsighted you must. Do not let your feelings hinder your actions, or lose yet more, we may.”

Mace nods, trying to take the advice as it's meant. "I'll do my best. I can't speak for the others." Kit and Plo are on his mind, in particular.

Yoda’s ears shift, in a way Mace can’t quite interpret. “Yes. Yes. A challenge to all of us, this will be.” He sighs. “Meditate, Master Windu. And if fail you, that does--lunch.”

"Ugh," Mace says, disgusted. Yoda always manages to be infuriating to the last. "Yes, I'll take you up on that."

“Mm,” says Yoda. “This way. This way!” And off he goes, letting Mace come following behind.


	2. Stasis

i.

Padmé is furious. Anakin sees it when they tell her, sees her expand slowly outwards with anger and then pull it back in to be something that Obi-Wan, at least, needs more than that. The three of them stay up until they feel sick with tiredness, defying what’s coming. They don’t know when it’s coming, which makes it worse. They’re a grim little party. Eventually, they do go to sleep, all in one bed. When they wake up, Obi-Wan smiles at them and is very pale. It’s not long after that the council calls for him. When they’re all standing the front door he kisses Anakin so gently that Anakin wants to howl. And then Obi-Wan leaves.

An hour after that, Anakin is summoned by Mace Windu.

Anakin strides into the Temple with a storm in his heart. He spends the short speeder ride there going over all the things the most wants to say, none of them appropriate. A Jedi is not supposed to be angry.

Anakin presents himself to Master Windu, knowing full well that even the smallest youngling would be able to sense what Anakin is really feeling. He bows low, defying Master Windu to say something that will set him off.

“Skywalker,” Master Windu says. “I hope you’re prepared to listen. If not, you need to get yourself there.”

"I'm listening," Anakin says. He's surprised at how calm he sounds. He's millimeters from screaming.

“As of today, you will be my student,” Master Windu says. He looks extremely sour about it. “I realize that’s an adjustment. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you busy enough to adjust fast. I think you could use a little discipline.”

" _What?_ " Anakin says, not caring how he sounds. " _Your_ student? Forgive me, _Master_ , but after what you did to Obi-Wan, I can't see that being an especially successful partnership."

“After what you’ve done, _apprentice_ , you’ll want to watch your tone,” says Master Windu. “This situation isn’t meant to go any further than the Council. Someone on the Council must be your Master. I’m it, and that’s final.”

Anakin is shaking. He's so angry his teeth are chattering. And slowly, he lets go. He lets Master Windu see everything he's feeling. "Did you think I was just going to walk in here and bow to you and say thank you? Is that what you thought?"

“It’s what I expected of Obi-Wan,” Master Windu says. “And it’s what I got. You--let’s just say I hope you _shift_ my expectations.”

"A lot of people have a lot of expectations of me," Anakin says sharply. "They say I'm the chosen one. But you don't believe that, do you?" What does he really have to lose, that he hasn't already lost?

Master Windu casts him a baleful look. “I’m not especially convinced of prophecy,” he says. “But you’re here, and you’re one of us.” He stops abruptly, as if he would have liked to say something more than that.

"No," Anakin says, "I'm not. Because of your rules, I'm not. So you can call yourself my master, but I know who my real master is. The one who taught me what it actually means to be a Jedi, not all this political _shit_."

Master Windu’s jaw jumps. “You’re absolutely right that Obi-Wan is a _real_ Jedi,” he says. “If it was anyone else, I’d say he was taking advantage of someone so much younger than himself. But I know him, and I know you well enough. You can thank yourself that he’s not your teacher anymore.”

"You don't know us!" Anakin shouts. In the back of his mind, the part of him that was trained here, grew up here, is horrified. He has a dim idea that objects in the room are beginning to float. "All your nasty, suspicious gossip is because you're nasty and suspicious. And now you've managed to destroy the place we felt safe!"

“It’s a betrayal of everything we stand for,” Master Windu barks back. “Never mind the disaster it will look like politically, you’re compromising the Order at the highest level!”

"But it would have been fine if we'd just been fucking?" Anakin says. He's so angry he can barely see. "If we didn't care for each other? Or just if he'd been a woman in the Senate?"

“If it was up to me you wouldn’t have that either,” Master Windu says harshly. “But as it’s not, I’ll settle for ending your corruption of your fellow Jedi. Now you may not be happy with me, Skywalker, but this is your place and you aren’t getting another, not within the Jedi Order, not today.”

Anakin considers just turning and walking out. He's definitely levitating half the small objects in the room. He wants to smash them all in Master Windu's face and flee.

But Obi-Wan wouldn't like that. Obi-Wan has too much respect for the Jedi. He'd be mortified right now.

Anakin takes a deep breath. Slowly, he lowers everything in the room back into place. "Master Windu," he says. His voice doesn't shake. "I accept that you'll complete my training. But I meant every word I just said, and I don't intend to let you forget it."

Master Windu looks at him stoically. “Try to learn to accept your place, Skywalker,” he says. “Obi-Wan has.”

"Obi-Wan and I are different," Anakin says. "Obi-Wan respects you."

“And he’ll be a lot happier in the long run than either you or I,” Master Windu says grimly.

"Master, I can't wait," Anakin says, giving Master Windu a vicious smile. If this is going to be hell, it's at least going to be hell for both of them.

ii.

It’s been weeks since Anakin and Obi-Wan were separated, and Padmé goes home every day not sure what she will find. That’s the irony of this entire awful situation, of course--now that the Jedi Council have worked out their outrage over Obi-Wan and Anakin, they seem to have forgotten to care at all about Anakin and Padmé. He sleeps at her apartment every night, and as far as she knows, no one even complains. It makes her thankful and angry at the same time.

Tonight she leaves a full day at the office with only one meeting lodged in her mind. She lets herself into her apartment and goes to find Anakin without stopping to set down her things.

Anakin, who is always in motion lately, seems to have been doing a dozen things. Something that must be food is smoking, Artoo is opened up to be cleaned, and Anakin has stopped mid-motion to look up at Padmé.

"I heard you coming," he says. "Sorry it's so…" He gestures at the chaos that is her apartment.

Padmé is suddenly unbearably sad. She empties her hands and gets to her knees next to Anakin, taking his face in her hands. “I love you and your messes,” she says, and kisses him gently.

Anakin shuts his eyes, his expression pained. He grips her wrists, accidentally too hard. "I'm so glad you're home," he says thickly. She's only been gone half a day.

She hugs him briefly, then says, “Is something burning in the kitchen, Anakin, or do the droids have it under control?”

"I told Threepio to take over," Anakin says. "I wasn't doing so well." He smiles at her ruefully, but it's barely a smile. He bangs Artoo shut again and pats him as he beeps indignantly. He looks so unhappy.

Padmé sits next to him properly, pushing her skirts around until she’s comfortable. 

“Master Windu didn’t have you doing anything today?” she asks. 

"No," he says. "I think he's doing it to torment me. He claims he's teaching me patience." He's been very dismissive of anything Mace Windu does. Padmé can understand why.

“He can’t keep you on the sidelines forever,” she says. “You’re not a child, you’re a proper Jedi, and you’re useful, too. He knows that.” He’s being petty, she thinks, but she doesn’t say it. She doesn’t want to fuel Anakin’s unhappiness more than necessary.

"He doesn't have anything to teach me," Anakin says, his voice rising like a challenge. He's said the same about Obi-Wan more than once.

“Maybe,” she says. “Certainly not if he doesn’t try.” She brushes Anakin’s hair back from his forehead. “Ani, you look exhausted.”

"I am," he says. "I keep thinking what to do about Obi-Wan." Of course he's thinking of that. They both are. But neither of them has come to a satisfactory conclusion yet. And after this morning, Padmé is even less sure of what to do.

“...I saw him today,” she says.

Anakin tenses. She can feel it. "Tell me," he says. He sounds hungry.

“I and some of the other senators had a meeting this morning with members of the Jedi Council,” she says. “So: he’s still on the Council.”

"This is unbearable!" Anakin says. "They can't keep us apart like this. It's spiteful. And it's not going to make me a better padawan, if that's what they think."

“I don’t know what they think,” Padmé says.

"Did you talk to him?" Anakin asks. "How did he look? Better or worse than me?"

“I think he was avoiding me,” she says. “He only said hello. He called me Senator.” It had hurt.

"I can't feel him," Anakin says despairingly. "He's doing that thing he does--withdrawing. But this can't last forever. I can't stand it if it does." He looks ready to will the Council and Obi-Wan and everyone else to obey him.

“I know,” she says. “And I hate it, too. He was so quiet, Anakin, he barely spoke through the entire meeting.”

"Even if I wasn't so angry--and I am angry--I'd have to do something," Anakin says. "It isn't right how they're blaming him. He didn't do anything wrong, and I feel like he's in much more trouble than I am."

“Maybe he’s not,” she says. “Maybe the difference is that you have me, and he doesn’t.”

"He doesn't have anyone," Anakin says. "Padmé, we're going to have to do something stupid."

She laughs, distressed and fond. “What can we possibly do that would make this _better_?” she demands.

"That's the thing, I don't know," Anakin says. "I've been yelling at the Council in my head for a week, but I don't think it would change anything. And I can't make Obi-Wan talk to me. I think he'd rather do what they want. It's too bad I've already run out of whatever I earned when we defeated Palpatine."

“It’s a shame you can’t do that twice,” she says, and then grabs his arm. “Don’t do anything stupid, Anakin, please don’t. You can do something useful or something clever, but you can’t do something that you know will get you killed. Do you understand?”

"I understand," Anakin says slowly. "I don't want to get killed. I want to get my life back."

“Well, I want that, too,” she says. “So if you think of something that won’t get you killed, I’ll help you if I can.” She thinks. “I can definitely keep sneaking you news about Obi-Wan. I have a feeling it’s going to be easier for me to collect gossip than for you to even lay eyes on him. It’s absurd.”

"I think this is what Palpatine wanted," Anakin says softly. "The Council all thinks he wanted this to become public knowledge to humiliate the Jedi. But I think what he really cared about is this. Me and Obi-Wan, apart."

Padmé feels a cold fury snake through her chest.

“I can’t think of words bad enough to describe that man,” she says. “But believe me, I am doing everything in my power to make sure he pays.” 

The Senate has been shaking the bars of Palpatine’s cage since he was caught, half because they hate him, and half because he’s they’re leader and they don’t understand why the Jedi should be allowed to keep him locked up. The Jedi are risking a lot by prolonging their investigation, either way. And Padmé is concerned that if they don’t move more swiftly, Palpatine will escape. As long as she is able, though, she is going to be throwing herself into keeping him a powerless prisoner. Into stopping him from doing even more harm.

"I know," Anakin says. "You're so good. Thank you, Padmé. I'd be going crazy without you."

She leans her head on his shoulder. 

“I have a question,” she says. “Have you considered being a good student?”

Anakin frowns. "What?" It's very clear he has not.

“If your plan is to be so useful that they have to give you what you want,” she says, “you might start by being useful to Master Windu. At least, it can’t hurt.” She pauses. “Anyway, I don’t think Obi-Wan would be hurt by you doing your duty. I think--he’d prefer that.”

"I hadn't considered that," Anakin says. "I was going to ruin Master Windu's life." He pauses. "Your way makes more sense. You're always so clever. Besides, if I do what I'm supposed to, maybe he'll let me go and look for Dooku."

“Maybe so,” Padmé agrees. She hugs him tightly. She likes to see him perk up a little, to look more like himself than he has. 

"Let's see if Threepio fixed the food," Anakin says, face buried in her hair.

She turns her face up to kiss him. “Yes,” she says. “Let’s.”

iii.

Whenever Mace wants to find Obi-Wan recently, he always has to go to the library. It’s not like it’s a bad thing. Obi-Wan has delivered exactly what he promised, and his information has sent other Jedi on any number of vital (and successful) missions. If Obi-Wan hasn’t personally handed them Dooku on a platter yet, it’s only a matter of time. The problem is--well, there isn’t a problem. Not really. It’s been months since Palpatine let slip his little secrets, and Obi-Wan has been diligent and polite and on time to every Council meeting. He isn’t doing anything wrong, technically, but Mace can’t shake an uneasiness that’s been growing since that day.

Today Obi-Wan has called him, down into the recesses of the library. He can’t even get to Obi-Wan without stopping to ask Madame Jocasta for help. 

“Oh, he’s in the lesser map room. Come with me,” she says, and leads the way.

Mace follows her, reaching out for the disturbance in the Force that he keeps expecting to find. But no, Obi-Wan is a sea of calm. Mace keeps looking for the oncoming storm, but there's nothing. Worse than that, Obi-Wan is devoid of all the sarcastic little asides Mace is used to.

"You've certainly made yourself comfortable here," he tells Obi-Wan, intentionally baiting him.

“Madame Jocasta is a gracious host,” Obi-Wan says. “And there’s always plenty to do.”

It's as if someone has wiped him clean of his personality. Mace is well aware of whose doing that is. "You can't hide here forever, of course," he says. "You're almost ready to be back in the field."

The smallest pause, and then, “If you like.”

Mace forces himself to take a deep breath rather than shouting in Obi-Wan's face. "What do _you_ think, Master Kenobi?"

“I think I’ll serve where you want me to serve,” Obi-Wan says. “But I feel useful here. And I like the company.” His prosthetic fingers play at the maps he has out in three-dimensional, glowing display.

Mace keeps up, at least temporarily. "Anything useful? You've been full of useful information lately." He thinks his tone conveys his disappointment at Obi-Wan's lack of desire to rise to any bait.

“I think I know how a couple of Dooku’s generals have been supplying their ships,” Obi-Wan says. “You could send someone out there. Plo, maybe.” Mace can’t even detect a whiff of bitterness.

"All right," Mace says. "We’ll do that." He pauses. He should just let this go. It's not his battle, and he's done his duty, or at least he's tried. Still, he's known Obi-Wan a long time. "It's the way of the Jedi to be in touch with our feelings," he says.

Obi-Wan doesn’t answer him at first. He zooms in on a distant world and spins the planet around, to come in closer. 

“There,” he says. “It’s a bare little world, but it’s in a neat spot and droids don’t need an abundance of natural resources. It just means no one else--no one organic--has been looking there.”

Mace barely hears him. It's useful, of course, but it's not what he's after. "How long are you planning to be so--accommodating?" he asks. It's what they've asked for, but it's not what he wants.

Obi-Wan says, “Master Windu, it is very hard to know what you want from me. This is my duty. I have no other cause except for my duty. If you tell me where to go, I will go there.” 

"It's just not like you," Mace says. Obi-Wan was always running off on his own. Of course, it could be that the encounter with Palpatine is what's instilled this new sense of obedience in him.

Obi-Wan is very still for a minute. Then he says, “This year has been very difficult. All I want is to carry on.”

And that should be enough for Mace. But despite the friction that Skywalker probably has caused between them, he likes Obi-Wan, and the last thing he wants is to see him hollowed out like this.

"I just want to be sure you're able to carry on," he says, forcing his tone to be almost casual. "This isn't a reprimand. It's my hope for a good Jedi."

“My hope is to be a good Jedi,” Obi-Wan says, and stirs. “To that end--before you send me anywhere, I’ll need to make a new lightsaber.” He really is just going to cut Mace off at every turn.

"Ah--I forgot." Mace clears his throat. "Well, you may find building a new lightsaber to be centering." Or not. He'll probably find it depressing, just like everything else.

“I’ll leave tomorrow,” Obi-Wan says. “You should follow up on my information here.” He gestures to the map.

"I will," Mace says. He does wish he felt comfortable talking to Obi-Wan about Anakin. He has a number of questions he'd like to ask about Anakin's behavior as an apprentice, but he thinks if nothing else, the other members of the Council would frown on that conversation. Still, nobody else knows Anakin and his unique way of being a Jedi. He settles on saying, "I'm hoping you'll come back feeling more like yourself."

“Don’t worry, I’ll be able to do whatever you need,” Obi-Wan says. He glances around the room. It’s quick, but Mace sees the regret in it. He thinks that if Obi-Wan had a choice, he’d hide down here forever. “It’s labyrinthine here, do you need any help finding your way out?”

"I won't say no," Mace says. Maybe if he walks with Obi-Wan for a few more minutes, he'll be able to inject a little more life into him. He wants to push Obi-Wan, but he's afraid that if he does, he won't get anything in return. For the hundredth time, he wonders if he should have kept Palpatine's relevantion to himself. Then he wouldn't be saddled with Anakin, either.

“This way,” Obi-Wan says, shutting down the map with a tap of his finger and turning to the exit. “Years at the Temple didn’t teach me how to get around this place. Until a month or so ago, Madame Jocasta was still fishing for me periodically, to pluck me out of the archives before I crumbled into dust.”

That's a little better. At least he sounds like he wants to be alive. Without meaning to, he gives Obi-Wan a rare, beaming smile. "Yes, I think she's taking a liking to you."

“She just likes it when people leave things neater than they find them,” Obi-Wan says.

"You are good at that," Mace says. He leaves the library feelings marginally better than before. Obi-Wan hasn't had the personality completely crushed out of him by the combined force of Palpatine and the Jedi. There's hope yet. Whether the same remains true for Skywalker is arguable.

iv.

“I was on-planet for _one hour,”_ Master Windu is shouting. It’s a big ship. Maybe not _all_ the troopers can hear him. “ _One hour_ , and you hijacked my troops and went off on your own. _Again_.”

"Yes," Anakin says steadily. He lives for moments like this, even if they were always more satisfying with Obi-Wan. He didn't do it by the book, but he got better results than if he had. "And again, we had a success, with very minimal loss of life. I'm not clear on which part of that is upsetting you." He wants to laugh, until he remembers Obi-Wan.

“What we do affects the entire fleet!” Master Windu shouts. “If we’re not where we’re supposed to be, people die. And if they don’t, it’s not because you’re some master planner, _Padawan_ , it’s because you’re lucky!”

_Padawan_ really rankles. He's not supposed to be that, anymore. "It's not luck," he says, forcing his voice calm. "I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm in charge of troops for a reason, Master."

“And for even better reasons, you’re not a general,” Master Windu says. “I have a question for you, Skywalker: do you want to continue on this path?”

"I want to continue winning battles," Anakin says. Inside, he's seething. Obi-Wan trusted him in the field.

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Master Windu says. “I’m not asking about the war. I’m asking about _this_. Because being a Jedi means having some modicum of respect for the Jedi, and I don’t think you have respect for anything.”

That slows Anakin down. It's the question he's been asking himself for weeks now. Longer, if he's being honest with himself. "I respect Obi-Wan," he says.

“Yes,” Master Windu says harshly. “What a wonderful way of showing respect you have. You--” He cuts himself off, remembering, maybe, that he doesn’t speak about Obi-Wan to Anakin. He’s certainly managed to keep them out of the same room, even when debriefing with the council after missions.

Anakin wants to shout that Master Windu doesn't understand him and Obi-Wan, but it feels juvenile and private. He takes a deep breath, remembers what Padmé said to him, and says instead, "I do respect the Jedi, Master. And I respect you. But I don't always agree with you. I don't think I'm supposed to be learning how to blindly take orders."

“You don’t take orders at all,” says Master Windu. “As for your ‘respect’--don’t kid either of us. Most of the time when you go off on your own, you would have been just as successful following orders. Well, I’m sure it feels great to showboat and be the hero, but being a Jedi isn’t about personal glory. You’re part of a whole, or you don’t belong here at all.”

Anakin's limbs feel oddly light. He keeps trying to swallows his anger or transmute it into something else, but it keeps pouring back into his body. "Do you believe I don't belong here?" he asks.

“You tell me,” says Master Windu. “All right? Obi-Wan believed in you, and I have a lot of faith in him. Palpatine believed in you too, but you overcame that. You’re capable, Skywalker, but you push against every damn thing like it’s out to get you. What am I supposed to think?”

Anakin closes his eyes and tries to imagine what Obi-Wan would say. He would say Anakin was being stubborn. He would tell him to stop and think. Anakin hopes Master Windu can see that he's trying. Finally he says softly, "My attachments are my strength, Master. I don't know how to reconcile that with the Jedi Code. I'm trying to make myself understand this as something other than you taking away everything that makes me strong."

“Are you?” Master Windu says. “Because I see you committing a lot of petty revenge. Dressed up as heroics, yes. But anger is driving you, and you’re letting it.”

"I--" Anakin swallows. "You understand what that's like, don't you?"

Master Windu gives him a look like he’s swallowed something sour. 

“I suppose I do,” he says. 

"I'm going to try," Anakin says, and this time the calm feels more like something real. "But you have to be patient. You have to teach me. Anger is one thing Obi-Wan didn't understand." He still hates what's happening, but it doesn't mean he's allowed to suddenly stop listening to the Jedi Masters. That's what almost set him on the wrong path before.

“No,” Master Windu says after a moment. “No, I don’t suppose it would be.” He sighs heavily. “All right, Skywalker. If you agree to learn, I’ll agree to teach. But you have to stop flying off on your own. You’ve got to have your fellow Jedi’s backs. All right?”

"All right," Anakin says. It's mostly the truth. The only time he intends to fly off on his own is when he finds Count Dooku.

Master Windu nods, apparently satisfied. “Just think, Skywalker,” he says. “If you’re very good, we might make you a Master, and then you won’t _have_ to follow me around all the time. Think of the incentive.”

Anakin smiles. "Yes, Master." Saying it almost doesn't sting.

v.

Master Windu continues keeping Anakin and Obi-Wan apart for several months. He can't manage it forever, though, and Anakin eventually has a big enough success that he has to go before the whole Council to debrief. He and Master Windu manage to shut down the droid factory on Geonosis, and everyone is so busy praising him that Master Windu isn't able to raise any of his usual objections.

In the Council chambers, Anakin avoids looking directly at Obi-Wan, because he's trying to do the right thing, but he feel as if the whole room is slanted in Obi-Wan's direction. It's unbearable. He can feel Obi-Wan's eyes on him.

And no matter where he looks, it’s obvious that everyone else is equally aware of the situation.

Master Ti at least isn’t interested in getting into it. 

“Please,” she says. “Tell us what happened. This is a real victory.”

“Anakin,” says Master Windu, motioning for him to go ahead.

Anakin nods and draws on the Force to help still his mind and body. "It was as much Master Windu's victory as mine," he says, realizing as he says it that there's no easy way to do this. If he behaves like a good padawan, he's going to make Obi-Wan think he's given up. If he doesn't, Master Windu will probably punch him into the sun.

“The factory is disabled, or destroyed?” says Master Mundi. He doesn’t ever look upset by Anakin. Master Fisto and Master Plo--well, he can’t tell what Master Plo is thinking, just by looking at him, but he doesn’t think it’s anything good. 

"Destroyed," Anakin says. "Mostly, anyway. They won't be able to use it any time soon, and we left a small squad there to monitor it." Not looking at Obi-Wan is torture. He knows Obi-Wan would be vibrating with pride at this point, if they were still working together. He reaches out and tries to sense something, anything from Obi-Wan. It's as if he's a ghost. There are echoes of feelings, but nothing Anakin can latch on to.

“And the locals?” Obi-Wan says. It blindsides him, more so because of the absence he was feeling a moment ago.

Master Windu shoots Anakin a look, as if to find out whether Obi-Wan’s voice is going to spur Anakin into some kind of insane and un-Jedilike action. “They’ll cooperate,” he says.

Anakin thinks maybe he's supposed to let Master Windu answer Obi-Wan, but he can't help himself. He turns. "We made sure to incentivize their cooperation." Oh, Obi-Wan looks so tired.

There’s a brief and awful silence hanging between them, and then Obi-Wan says, “I can imagine.”

Master Windu coughs.

“Perhaps more support we will need, to maintain the peace on Geonosis?” Yoda suggests from Anakin’s other side.

"Yes," Anakin says. "It's a central location for the Separatists. They'll try to retake it, I think." He doesn't turn to Yoda when he says it. He can't look away from Obi-Wan. He's thinking about how Obi-Wan's mouth tastes.

“I’m quite certain you’re right,” Master Ti says. “It was well done to take it at all.”

“This was Skywalker’s plan?” says Master Plo. He’s unreadable.

“Yes,” Master Windu says. “And a great credit to all of us.”

"Thank you, Master." Anakin is still speaking directly to Obi-Wan. He can't stop. The creases under Obi-Wan’s eyes are sharper than they were a few months ago, and Obi-Wan won’t look straight at him for more than a second at a time. 

“In fact,” says Master Windu, “I’d like to suggest that Anakin has proven himself sufficiently.”

“What?” says Master Fisto. “Do you mean to make him a Jedi Master?”

“That’s what all the training is for, you know,” says Master Ti.

Anakin's heart leaps. He turns to Master Windu. "Master?" He doesn't let himself look anything but quietly hopeful. But he can't help thinking of the freedom it would give him. No more Master Windu looking over his shoulder.

"From remedial training to being a Master, though?" Master Mundi asks. "Is he ready?"

“Perhaps,” says Yoda thoughtfully. 

“You’re pretending he’s changed,” says Master Fisto. “But it was barely three months ago that you pulled him away from Palpatine. It was barely three months ago that you pulled _them_ apart.”

He gestures between Anakin and Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan turns ashy. 

"Master--" Anakin bites his tongue. No. He's this close. It's not worth the argument.

"Look what he's done in three months, Kit," Master Mundi says. "He's outstripped half the Council in military victories."

“That makes him a fine military mind,” Master Fisto says. “That doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a Jedi master. Even Master Kenobi didn’t think he was ready.”

“Master Fisto,” Master Ti begins.

Obi-Wan speaks over her. “Well, I’m not his master now, Kit, so why don’t you listen to the person who is instead of coming after _me_?” It comes out fast and mean and it doesn’t sound like him at all. The other council members turn to stare.

"You can air your concerns in a more private forum," Master Mundi says sternly. "Skywalker has impressed Master Windu, which we all know is notoriously hard to do."

_I’m not his master now_ still rings in Anakin’s ears. Now he thinks he can see what he was missing before. Obi-Wan isn't a ghost, he's just aggressively miserable. It's awful. And it's Anakin's fault.

“Consider this in private, we shall,” says Yoda. “We have heard Master Windu’s judgment of the situation and we shall discuss it. Anakin--you will know soon what the council decides.”

Anakin can't believe he's being dismissed already. He barely had a chance to speak to Obi-Wan. That's what they'd want, of course. "Thank you, masters," he says, bowing low. He makes a point of not looking at Obi-Wan as he leaves.

He can sense him, though. Out of all the threads of emotion in the room, he can still pick Obi-Wan out so easily. He can see that Obi-Wan is nowhere near as calm as he seemed at first, which is both alarming and gratifying. Once Anakin finds Count Dooku and can have whatever he wants, he's going to find Obi-Wan and drag all that desperation to the surface.

vi.

The Anakin discussion goes terribly well. Those who are uncertain of him get talked down eventually—not by Obi-Wan, of course, that would be sabotage. The Council agrees. For his change of heart and temperament and his service on Geonosis (among others), Anakin will be made a Jedi Master.

There’s no excuse for how Obi-Wan feels about this.

As soon as the meeting is over, Obi-Wan excuses himself and something just short of flees. Master Windu has had eyes on him since his little outburst at Kit, and he doesn’t feel that letting Mace confront him about it just now would do anyone much good. He finds an empty bench in one of the long, broad hallways of the temple, and sits in a patch of sunlight, trying to wrestle his emotions into order.

It would be easier to do this if someone didn’t immediately find him. 

Master Gallia, moving at a much more sedate pace, reaches the edge of the bench and stops. Obi-Wan hopes she'll continue past him after a brief greeting, but she sits down right beside him.

"Not one of your more poker-faced Council meetings," she says.

He can feel his face fall. She’s understating it. He knows so. All the work of months, to be calm, to be steady, to be quiet, and it took five seconds in the same room as Anakin for everything to fall apart, enough that everyone knew it. “No?” he said. “I’m sorry.”

"I don't mean your snapping at Kit," she says, "although that was less than ideal. But your whole attitude toward Skywalker, that was the real problem."

Of course it was, and then on top of Obi-Wan’s failure, Anakin went and did everything _right_. Obi-Wan is trying not to be angry, although he is angry. He should have been there for Anakin’s success, he should have been there for all of this, and it’s his own fault he wasn’t but he still can’t make himself think that what they did was wrong.

He says, with the only honest contrition he can offer, “I didn’t intend to make a scene. My apologies, Master Gallia.”

Master Gallia shrugs. "If you ever want them to move on from this, you have to find another way to approach Skywalker. And the topic of Skywalker. And looking at Skywalker when he enters a room."

“Well I haven’t had a lot of practice with that, have I?” he says, before he can curb his tongue. “I’m not supposed to speak to him, remember? Nor lay eyes on him at all. Everyone’s done a wonderful job making sure there’s no chance of this ever being normal.”

She raises her eyebrows. "Well, you got caught. I hate to say it, but this is what you get for tangling with Skywalker."

He raises his eyebrows. “I can’t begin to imagine what all that means,” he says. He remembers her saying something similar the day it first came out. Does she object on moral grounds, or does she just object to Anakin? Is it just that they were found out? He isn’t even sure if it’s him or Anakin that she’s besmirching with her implications. He feels a little offended either way. Whatever else, she doesn’t seem particularly sympathetic to Obi-Wan’s paroxysms. 

"He's a drama queen," she says. "He was always going to be trouble. But the least you can do is not be a drama queen yourself, now that it's out."

“I’m not,” Obi-Wan says, reflexive.

"You are," she says. "You're behaving like a wounded teenager. I respect you, Obi-Wan, but I don't respect your antics. I think he's rubbed off on you more than anyone would like to admit."

Obi-Wan just doesn’t have the patience.

“Well, and if so, _what?_ ” Obi-Wan says. “He’s doing more than any of the rest of us. Maybe it wouldn’t destroy the order to indulge in a little drama--as if that’s such an unusual thing anyway. You’ve been in a room with Master Windu on any given day, I think.” 

He should stop, but he has been fighting to exhibit quiet equilibrium for months. He thought he’d managed it, but he hasn’t, and besides that Mace Windu made Anakin a Jedi Master in less than half a year, after it took Obi-Wan well over a decade to fail.

Master Gallia narrows her eyes. "If you can't even respect your fellow Council members, how is anyone supposed to respect you?"

Obi-Wan forces himself still. He shouldn’t have said that. He knows he shouldn’t. But everything he’s been holding off is here, now, and he is realizing that all his calm was nothing more than a defense mechanism. He shuts his eyes.

“Adi,” he says. “They can’t possibly. I have all the respect in my body for the Jedi, for the Council, for all of you. The Jedi raised me. This is the center of who I am. But I can’t find peace now, and I can’t expect anyone else to have patience or sympathy for that.”

"That sounds like self-pity," she says, although not unkindly. "And there's truly no place for that with us. Finding peace is up to you. Work harder."

Obi-Wan looks at her with a sudden sun-bright, terrible clarity. The thought appears for the first time and takes him over in the matter of a second, until there is no other choice at all. 

His back straightens.

“I don’t want to,” he says.

"What?" she says, frowning.

“I don’t want to,” he says again. “I love him and I’m not sorry and I don’t accept it. And if I can’t feel that way without being an affront to the Jedi code, then I’m not a Jedi. So I won’t be a Jedi.” He pauses, and tilts his head. “I quit.”

He sees he lose her composure and quickly gather it back up before she answers. "Skywalker _has_ rubbed off on you. Will you be telling Master Yoda, or just leaving like a coward?"

He has a brief spasm of terror, when he realizes he’s _done_ the thing even while he was still thinking it up. Oh, he doesn’t know any of what this will mean. Oh, no. What is he doing? What has he done?

He says, “I don’t--I don’t know. I suppose I’ll speak to Master Yoda.”

Oh, this is dreadful. And Anakin will be so angry. Obi-Wan starts laughing and then immediately covers his mouth. 

 

“Sorry,” he says. “It’s not funny. I don’t think it’s funny.”

"You've lost your mind," Master Gallia says calmly. "I hope you find it before you destroy yourself completely." She gets up from her seat and bows to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan nods, and then sits there speechless, hands new and old gripping the edge of the bench. She’s right. He’s _insane_. He must be, because he really has destroyed his life, and he can’t even decide if he feels heavy or light.


	3. Two Roads

i.

Obi-Wan doesn’t request to meet with Yoda immediately. He takes a day and a half to sit on the idea, fully aware that if Adi was any other kind of Jedi, she might have given him up immediately. She doesn’t seem to. He thinks it’s more to do with her honor than with her continued faith in his. 

At some point, though, he has to commit to one thing or the other: staying, and being the Jedi they want him to be, or leaving, and becoming something new.

At some point, he realizes there isn’t any choice.

He contacts Yoda, saying only that there is something that he needs to discuss in private. They meet in the Temple, but out of the way, with thick walls and a closed door. When Obi-Wan is face to face with him, he remembers to be a little afraid. He tries not to show it.

“Master Yoda,” he says, with a bow.

"Troubled you are, Obi-Wan, and troubled you have been." Yoda looks at him searchingly. "Interested, I am, to hear what you have to say."

Obi-Wan struggles to start. He says, “It has always been my utmost desire to serve the Jedi, Master. To bend to the will of the Force, and respect the Council.”

"Mm," Yoda says, guarded. "One's desire and one's actions, at odds they can be."

Obi-Wan clasps his hands together in front of him. He’s sure. He shouldn’t prolong it. But this is his whole life, something he never thought he would throw away again, and it’s hard to march in and break it apart in one fell swoop.

“I have struggled recently,” he admits.

Yoda nods. "Insight, do you have, on how to move past this?" He's annoyed with Obi-Wan, maybe. It's hard to tell.

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan says. “But I wanted to ask whether you did.”

"Mm," Yoda says. He closes his eyes slowly. When he opens them, he says, "Time. Meditation. End, this war will. When it does, time you will have to remind yourself of the things that matter to you besides Skywalker."

Obi-Wan swallows disappointment. He had to hear it, that’s all. He couldn’t expect Yoda to be anything other than a Jedi, disciplined and honorbound, and not particularly miraculous in the ways of the heart. Obi-Wan sets his shoulders.

Quietly, he says, “Master--I cannot do that.”

Yoda's eyes widen. "Which? You cannot move past Skywalker at all? Do this, you must, Obi-Wan. A distraction, he is."

Obi-Wan looks at the floor, then forces himself to meet Yoda’s eyes.

“I cannot see that,” he says. “I’ve tried--to bury myself in service, to quiet my feelings, to believe in what is being asked of me. A Jedi requires peace and acceptance. But it hasn’t worked, has it? I’ve failed.”

Yoda watches him, implacable. "If accept failure you do, your choice it is. What have you called me here to say, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan says, “I have to leave.”

Yoda is shocked. Obi-Wan can _feel_ it. All that conversation, and Yoda still didn't see that coming. "For how long?" he asks, as if he knows that's not the right question.

“The Order,” Obi-Wan says gently. “I have to leave the Order.”

Yoda looks as a blow has fallen. His grip on his walking stick tightens. "Done that once before, you have. Regret it, you did. Deeply."

“I know,” Obi-Wan says.

"Think," Yoda says. He takes a step toward Obi-Wan. "But you have thought."

“I love the Order,” Obi-Wan says. “I would die for you. But you see, I am not serving you. Every moment I am awake, sometimes even in my sleep, I am aware of the terrible thing I do by staying. My grief, my resentment, my guilt--they are poison. I am poisoning what I love. I can’t live with that.” He swallows. “I can’t be sorry about Anakin, Master. And I can’t heal. And I can’t stay.”

"Ask you to stay, I would," Yoda says softly. "Despite all of that. For no reason other than that you deserve better than to leave. Throwing away your life, you are."

“Master,” says Obi-Wan, “then I will find a new life.” He exhales. “Please don’t think I have any expectation of regaining anything I’ve lost. I understand that Anakin has done very well for himself. I won’t go to him, or contact him. I won’t put him at risk.”

"Made up, your mind is," Yoda says. "Disagree with you, I do. But respect you enough not to argue, I do as well."

Obi-Wan bows. “Thank you, Master.” He doesn’t think he could bear Yoda shaking his resolve. “I will remove myself from the Temple shortly. I thank you for your years of wisdom and guidance.”

Yoda reaches out and puts his hand on Obi-Wan's. "Sad, I am. Miss you, I will, Obi-Wan. A good Jedi you have been, and a good friend."

“A friend I will remain, I hope,” Obi-Wan says. He removes his hand from Yoda’s touch. He bows. And then, before Yoda can dissolve his calm any further, he leaves.

ii.

Mace Windu rises early, as he does every day, but today he feels disquieted. He searches his feelings to try to understand why, but there's nothing. He hopes it's not a sign of things to come. They've been through too much already, and they're close to victory on several fronts.

When Yoda calls him to his chambers, though, Mace knows something is wrong. He dresses quickly and makes his way there, hoping something hasn't happened to Anakin. It's an odd position to be in, worrying about Anakin. But no, more likely it's something to do with Palpatine or Dooku, something else political gone wrong.

Yoda welcomes him inside, face grave.

“Master Windu,” he says. “Regret I do the news I bring you this morning. But know you must, before the Council meets.”

"Better tell me now," Mace says, his heart falling. It must be Anakin.

“Agree with you I do,” says Yoda heavily. He is standing, but Mace has rarely seen him look so small. “Chosen to leave us, Obi-Wan has.”

Mace feels the truth of it like a blow. The sick feeling he woke up with is stronger than ever. "That makes no sense," he says.

Yoda says, “Explain himself, he did. Faith in his reasons he had, and no doubt.”

"Over Anakin?" Mace demands. Obi-Wan was never as sensible as the younger members of the Council seem to believe, but this is outrageous.

“Anakin,” Yoda agrees. “Beyond my understanding, yes. But beyond all understanding--perhaps not. Said he did that peace and acceptance, a Jedi requires. Find them he could not find. Afraid, he was, of poisoning the Order.”

"He doesn't have the power to do anything so dramatic as that," Mace snaps. "Where is he? Let's talk him out of this."

Yoda gives a small shake of his head. “Come to his senses, I thought he would,” he says. “But this morning--gone, he is. Gone from the Temple. Gone from Coruscant.”

"How could you let that happen?" Mace realizes he's not being rational, but Yoda should have been able to stop Obi-Wan.

Yoda looks at him sharply. “My duty, is it, to hold someone to the Order who wishes to leave? Willing, Jedi Knights must be, or purpose in their service there is not.”

"He doesn't know what he's doing," Mace says. But this isn't the first time Obi-Wan has walked away, or done something rash. Maybe it shouldn't be such a shock after all. But it is. Obi-Wan has been a fixture here, a voice of reason. "What am I going to tell Anakin?" Mace asks, with dawning horror.

“As little as you can,” Yoda says. He sounds so calm, serious or not. “Swear, Obi-Wan did, that he would not interfere with Anakin in any way. To restore what he had, his wish was not.”

"Then what was his wish?" Mace demands. "To throw it all away for nothing?"

Yoda doesn’t answer at first. When he speaks, it is slowly. “Obi-Wan did not wish to harm. Give what the Jedi required, he could not; wish to live among us unfaithfully, he did not. Agree with his feelings, do I? No. But to salvage, not destroy, his hope was.”

Mace tries to master his own his own feelings. He is not immediately successful. "I respect him. But I wish he would have done this another way. At this point, we've lost a lot more than we've gained out of disciplining them." Maybe that's not fair to say, with Anakin doing so well, but it feels true in the moment.

“Foresee this, we did not,” Yoda says. “And why? Perhaps too afraid we were of complication. Of the chance of doing wrong. Too uneasy to look clearly.”

"Are you saying we should have turned a blind eye?" Mace asks, uncomfortable. Maybe he's just waiting for someone to affirm his growing suspicious that that's the case. This is a mess.

“See this I cannot,” Yoda says. “Clouded, these matters are. Clear I had thought them, but too eager was I to believe in simple answers, simple solutions.” He shakes his head again. “But even so--Obi-Wan’s choice it is. Force him to leave, we have not.”

"Maybe," Mace says. "But we laid him a pretty clear path." He should have known Obi-Wan was planning something like this.

Yoda sighs. “Grieved, I am. Want such a thing to happen, I did not. Now live we must with the outcome that is given to us.”

Mace knows he's acting like--well, like Anakin. Like an irritable padawan. It's just such an unsettling situation. He's already playing over in his head what to say to Anakin. "Anakin will go after him," he says.

“Allow this, you must not,” Yoda says. “To lose both the Jedi who brought us Palpatine--a precarious position we are in, Master Windu. And a long way Anakin has come.”

"Then maybe he'll realize that would be a mistake," Mace says, far from sure. Neither of them has any sense where the other is concerned. "I'll do the best I can to make him understand that."

Yoda nods soberly. “To think,” he says. “So short a time ago, so close we were to losing Obi-Wan. And now lost him we have. The code we must obey. But lose Anakin, we must not.”

A few months ago, Mace might have suggested that keeping Anakin was not worth it. Now, he can see the boy's potential, finally. He'll do whatever he can to make Anakin see that he can't just throw that away. "I'm going to miss him," he says. "Obi-Wan."

“Yes,” Yoda says. Nothing more than that, just: yes. Then he stirs himself and adds, “Think, we must, of how to address the Council. Feelings, some of them will have.”

"Not just the Council," Mace says. "There are a lot of other Jedi who'll want to know how this happened."

“Outside the Council this will not go,” says Yoda. “Enough it is for other Jedi, or the troops, or the politicians, to know that Obi-Wan is gone. Owe them more, we do not.”

"You're asking twelve Jedi--thirteen, with Anakin--to keep their mouths shut," Mace says. "I think you're being a little optimistic."

“Quiet, they have been, about Anakin’s marriage, hm?” Yoda says. “A little more quiet they can be. Rumors there will be, but spread them ourselves, we will not.”

"Fine," Mace says. None of it really feels like it matters, although of course it does. Rumors feed the political machine they've linked themselves to inextricably. "I'll do my best to keep Anakin sane about this."

“And the Council,” Yoda says. “The Council--allowed to have their feelings about this, we must. Tell them, we will, that Obi-Wan has left. That from respect for the Jedi, he did this. And then move on, we will. To other matters.”

Mace bows his head, defeated. That's how it's going to be. There aren't other options. Obi-Wan hasn't left them any.

"Thank you for telling me," he says.

Yoda inclines his head. “To the Council chambers I go, Master Windu,” he says. “Please. Collect yourself a moment. Time, you have, before we begin.”

After Yoda leaves, Mace gives himself a moment alone. He feels shaken to the core, but somewhere beneath all that shock, he feels as if he has just been waiting for this to happen. He remembers the way Obi-Wan looked when he found him in the library, and this is the only possible outcome for someone who looked like that. They took everything from Obi-Wan and expected him to act as if they hadn't. This is their fault. Specifically, it's Mace's fault.

It's a long time before he can collect himself enough to move on.

iii.

Qui-Gon is troubled. He spent his life disagreeing with the Council, and apparently he's going to spend his death that way, too. He can still sense everything that's happening in the living Force, and Obi-Wan in particular is easy to sense. Qui-Gon is so used to him. He's rarely felt Obi-Wan in such terrible conflict.

It's not Qui-Gon's duty to interfere, and yet.

The day that Obi-Wan leaves Coruscant, Qui-Gon waits until Yoda is alone, and appears to him.

Yoda is meditating (poorly), with a sour-fruit expression on his face. When he opens his eyes and sees Qui-Gon, he squawks.

“Master Qui-Gon!” he says. “Expect you I did not. Interrupt an old man’s meditations, will you?”

"I will," Qui-Gon says. "Consider it a favor. You might do better with a friend's advice." Whether Qui-Gon is a friend to Yoda is a question for another time.

“Hmm,” says Yoda suspiciously. “Advise me on what?”

"What do you think?" Qui-Gon says rather rudely.

Yoda’s brow furrows. “The domain of the living, this is, Qui-Gon,” he says. 

"That question is as yet unexplored," Qui-Gon says. "I'm here. Who's to say I can't venture an opinion?" And he has many opinions, when it comes to Obi-Wan. They can hardly kick him out of the Order for that now.

“Hm,” says Yoda. He shuts his eyes. Qui-Gon thinks it’s acquiescence. 

"I can't force you to do anything about it," he says. "But you may find you're grateful to have someone to talk to about it before you explain to the Council what you've done."

Yoda’s eyes snap open, glinting sharply. “What I have done?” he repeats, an edge to his voice.

"I meant what I said," Qui-Gon says calmly. "You drove him out. Not only you, but you most of all." The Council would do anything Yoda said, and Yoda has been more lenient about other things. Qui-Gon will remind him if necessary.

“Decisions, Obi-Wan made,” Yoda says shortly. “Decisions that risked us all. Less blinded by love, were he, earlier he might have realized that his apprentice was being drawn to the dark side.”

"As you did," Qui-Gon says innocently. "Master, how often did you sit and talk with Palpatine?"

Yoda is silent for a moment. “Deceived we all have been, yes.”

"Yes," Qui-Gon says. "And I'm surprised that love is what you choose to punish."

Yoda tenses. “Aware, you are, Qui-Gon, that it is not so simple. A breach of trust it is. Master and Padawan. Jedi and code. A member of the council, Obi-Wan--was. Who can lead by example, if he cannot?”

"Is that why I was never on the Council?" Qui-Gon asks, knowing full well there were many reasons. "I've been in love. I'm sure many of the Masters have."

Yoda gets a little bug-eyed at that. 

"Not that I could confirm it," Qui-Gon says smoothly. He could, though. He just won't. It's not his place. But of course he's been in love before. It's human. "My point is, Obi-Wan is a model Jedi. You've lost him and all of his skills and devotion to enforce an arbitrary rule."

“Discipline he should have shown,” Yoda retorts, but Qui-Gon can feel his unhappiness.

"You don't want this," Qui-Gon says. "None of you do. But I didn't come here to change your mind. I came to tell you that my attention will be elsewhere for a while."

Yoda shakes his head, as if to clear it. “Reveal yourself, will you?” he asks. 

"Not yet," Qui-Gon says. "It's not time." And Obi-Wan is so full of confusion and hurt and newfound freedom that Qui-Gon thinks the time may be quite distant.

Yoda nods. “Right you are,” he says. “Want this I do not. But the power to call him back, I do not have. Keep an eye on the other, I will.”

Qui-Gon has his own feelings about Anakin, but they're not relevant here. "Someone should," he says. "Do you think he'll go after him?"

Yoda frowns, focusing, and then says, “Hard to see, it is. But desire to follow him, I think he will.”

"They're better together than apart," says Qui-Gon, who hadn't been sure until now.

Yoda is frustrated. Qui-Gon feels it. But he thinks the frustration covers guilt and distress. 

“Together they could have been, without doing this,” he says. 

"The heart is a mystery," Qui-Gon says cheerfully. When it came to love, he always considered the Code more of a guideline than anything else. Actually, that didn't stop with love. He feels for Yoda, but not much. He brought this on himself, and he'll have to work to repair it. For now, Qui-Gon has better things to do. "I'm sure I'll see you again eventually," he says.

“Prepared me for the Council, you have not,” Yoda grumbles.

"Alas," Qui-Gon says, and he fades away.

iv.

Obi-Wan’s first inclination is to go somewhere where he knows nothing and no one, but he can see that the impulse is one born from despair. He isn’t leaving everything behind to let himself be eaten alive, so even as he leaves Coruscant’s atmosphere, he lets go of the conflict and the worry and lets the Force guide him.

The answer is so obvious--friends. A Jedi doesn’t make only Jedi friends, and he has many, sprinkled across the galaxy. His first thought, the one that lights hope in his heart, is an old name from years before he and Anakin ever met. He knows where she is, and he knows that he’s welcome. He plots a course and looks ahead, even if the moment he jumps into hyperspace and leaves Coruscant behind he feels his heart breaking.

He’s a little too much of a coward to call her ahead. He lands, pays for the bay, and walks down the city streets until a familiar shop, issuing familiar smells, lies directly in his path. He pushes his way through the door, sidestepping waitstaff and patrons. Through the door, he can see into the kitchen, and in the kitchen he can see exactly what he’s looking for. 

That’s enough. He won’t interrupt. He takes a seat and waits to order, and thinks, _This is all right_.

She's very busy, so it takes her a while to notice him. When his order makes it back to the kitchen, though, she looks up. There she is, Astri Oddo, tall and skinny as ever. She looks tired, but vibrant. When she glances into the seating area, she catches sight of him and freezes.

She turns to another woman, says a few words, and hurries out toward Obi-Wan's table.

"It is you," she says, breathless. "Don't go anywhere!"

“I promise, I won’t!” Obi-Wan says, caught up in her intensity. For a moment, he doesn’t even feel the rest of it. Seeing her--just seeing her--is such a profound relief. 

"Give me thirty minutes," she says. "There should be a lull then." She presses his hand quickly and disappears back into the kitchen.

After Obi-Wan's order and several others leave the kitchen, things do seem to slow down around him. His food is perfectly cooked, and there are one or two sides he didn't order. He's about halfway through when Astri appears from the kitchen again, wiping her hands on her apron. She takes a seat across from him rather than giving him a hug, which isn't like her.

“Well, hello,” he says. He smiles at her and takes a bite of the shredded meat and pickled vegetables on his plate. Astri has always been brave and willing, but food is her genius. He had never gotten enough of her cooking when they were actually in one another’s proximity, so for the rare occasions on which he sees her now, he makes a point of correcting that. “Very good,” he adds.

"I know," she says, beaming. "Obi-Wan, I can't believe this! It's been so long. What are you doing here?" She's been watching him eat, and now she frowns. "What happened to your--? Oh…"

Obi-Wan hasn’t quite reached the point where he’s managed not to think about it, or be self-conscious of it. He does manage not to stick his whole arm under the table.

“I’m afraid I annoyed someone,” he says.

Her frown deepens. "And now you're being glib about it. Well, never mind, I'm glad you're alive." She looks him over, as if searching for anything she's missed.

“Yes, me too,” he says. He pokes at his food. “It did come a little close, but I’m all right now.”

"Obi-Wan," she says. She waits until he looks up at her. "You look really bad. Unhappy. Can I give you a hug?"

“No need for that,” he says, and then sets down his fork and puts his head in his hands. 

She says his name again, then stands up, rounds the table, and hugs him anyway, her arm around his shoulders.

When she releases him, he looks up. “I’ve done something awful,” he says. “Do you have anywhere private we can go?”

She nods immediately. "I have my other chef covering. It's a quiet time of day. Come on." She takes his hand--the flesh one--and leads him to her apartment above the restaurant. It's small and tidy, with warm lights and just the right amount of furniture. She sits down next to him on the couch and, hand in his, waits.

“Oh, Astri,” he says. “I don’t know where to start. No, I do--I’ve left the Jedi Order.” Saying it makes his throat tight, as if all the bravery and certainty were a very thin shell of armor and the smallest amount of sound has begun to crack it. 

She sucks in air through her teeth. "What happened? I mean, something must have happened, to make you do that."

His vision blurs. “I made a mistake,” he says. “Except it wasn’t a mistake. Anakin--you remember Anakin.” She hasn’t met him, but he’s talked about Anakin for years. Oh, that probably makes it worse. His stomach feels icy, imagining what she’s about to think of him. “He grew up, you know. And I--”

"Shh, hey, hey," she murmurs, rubbing his hand with her thumb. "It's okay." It isn't.

Obi-Wan blinks, but his vision doesn’t clear. “Jedi aren’t allowed to love,” he says. “And I tried, when they found out, I tried to turn it off, I tried to do right by them. Astri, I tried.”

"Oh, Obi-Wan," Astri says. "Oh, no. But that's--Jedi _do_ love, I know they do. They're just being hypocrites."

“I knew what I swore to,” Obi-Wan says. He still can’t help but argue for their side, even if he can’t bring himself to live it. “I knew we were breaking the code.”

"The code sounds terrible!" Astri says. "I'm sorry. That's probably not helpful. But it does! I'm so happy you fell in love."

Crack. Everything falls apart. A sob breaks out of Obi-Wan that he doesn’t want or expect. He feels like he’s been holding onto it for months. 

“It doesn’t matter now,” he says. “I’m never going back. I left him where he belongs, and I’m never going back.”

Astri wraps him in a tight hug, rubbing circles on his back. "I'm so sorry," she says. "You're so good, and you don't deserve that." She doesn't offer solutions or try to say it's all right, she just keeps holding him.

Obi-Wan cries until he’s wrung dry, then sits awkwardly upright. It’s his new hand that’s in hers, now. He hopes she doesn’t mind it. 

“All right,” he says. “So that’s where I am. How are you?”

"I feel bad saying it, but I'm great," she says, sniffing and wiping her eyes. "Business is great. I'm really busy, but I'm really happy. And now I'm really wishing I'd stayed in touch with you better."

He laughs unsteadily. “Really it’s mostly these last few months that have been so eventful,” he says. 

"We don't get a lot of news out here," Astri says. "I kind of like it that way. But the war's still going on? Does this mean you're not fighting in it?"

“I don’t--I don’t know,” Obi-Wan says. He hasn’t thought about it, not concretely. He thought enough to leave his research whole for Master Yoda and Master Windu, but the rest… “I’m not part of the military anymore. And I haven’t been in the field in any significant way since, since.” Oh, he’s doing brilliantly in this conversation. It’s good that Astri knows him best as a bumbling teenage boy. 

Astri pats his hand. "Since this? Ugh. You've really been doing a lot. Maybe a vacation from the Jedi isn't such a bad thing." Before he can say anything, she adds, "Even if it is a permanent vacation."

“Oh, my dear friend,” Obi-Wan says. “Maybe soon I’ll believe you. Right now I’m just glad to see you.”

"Stay a while," Astri says. "We can swap stories and I'll cook for you and get you back on your feet."

“That sounds incredible,” Obi-Wan says, and the ache inside him seems to ebb, just a little.

v.

Obi-Wan has slept on many unforgiving surfaces in many unpleasant circumstances. A comfortable sofa in an old friend’s home is far from the worst. When he wakes up, though, he feels bruised--it starts from the outside and works its way in.

He shouldn’t feel surprised. This was why he left Coruscant, wasn’t it? So he could grieve without guilt? Well, surprise or not, it doesn’t feel good.

He sits up and leans from side to side until his spine pops. Then, he finds, he isn’t sure what to do next.

He doesn't have to wonder for long. A woman who he hasn't met, but who looks vaguely familiar from the restaurant, comes into the living room. She's human, with curly brown hair and light brown skin.

"Oh, hi," she says. "You must be Obi-Wan."

“Hello,” he says. “You must be Astri’s wife.”

She laughs. "That's right. Merka." She offers her hand. "I made those appetizers you had last night. Did you sleep okay?"

“Apparently,” says Obi-Wan, taking her hand. “I’m so sorry--I dropped in completely unannounced and I didn’t even stay up long enough to meet my host. I really am sorry. You must be very unimpressed.”

"She said you were really self-deprecating," Merka says. "She's doing prep at the restaurant right now, but she'll be back later." She gives him another big smile. "Breakfast? Do monks eat?"

Obi-Wan says, “Well, I eat, anyway.”

"Great," she says. "Come on. The kitchen's the biggest part of the apartment." She leads Obi-Wan into a surprisingly nice kitchen, apparently perfectly at ease with having a sudden guest.

Obi-Wan says, “It really is kind of you.”

"We get a lot of visitors," Merka says. "Besides, Astri talks about you a lot. It sounds like you really helped her out a few times, and not just in the line of duty."

“I’m glad to hear that,” Obi-Wan says. He tucks his hands under his arms, even though only one of them is cold. “How long has it been, now, that you’re together? She’s spoken about you a great deal, of course, but I’ve lost track of time.”

"About eight years," Merka says cheerfully, setting some kind of meat cooking on the stove. "Married, that is. Longer before that." She glances at Obi-Wan's posture. "Need anything?"

“Oh--no,” Obi-Wan says. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’m not at my best at the moment. Perhaps not the best conversationalist.”

"That's all right," Merka says, "I talk a lot. Astri didn't really tell me what was going on, by the way. Just that you were having a hard time. She was half asleep when I got home."

“Ah,” he says. “Yes. A hard time.” He shifts, but ends up in roughly the same position as before. “She says wonderful things about you, you know. On the rare occasion that we speak.”

Merka beams and throws some fruit into a blender. "She's just happy she found someone else who likes to work weird hours. Here, sit. It's all right, I'm just going to talk and eventually give you something to eat."

Obi-Wan sits at the table and exhales. “Thank you,” he says. “That sounds very nice.”

Merka does talk, mostly about the restaurant, and cooking, and the city. She doesn't require a lot from him. When she finally puts the food in front of him, though, she sits down across from him and fixes him with an intense stare.

"So," she says. "What's a monk do to lose a hand? And tell me if that needs more salt. The meat, not the fruit."

Obi-Wan, who has been casually feeling sorry for himself in the background of all Merka’s talk, gives a surprised laugh. He repeats the same line he gave to Astri. “I annoyed someone,” he says.

"Someone armed with something other than a blaster, I think," Merka says. She takes a sip of her own blended fruit. "Eh. Astri makes this better."

Obi-Wan takes a sip and says, “It’s very good. You know, you couldn’t know it wasn’t a blaster.”

"True," Merka says, "but it's hard to do something to a hand with a blaster and have the situation end in a new hand. Maybe at very close range. Your order lives on Coruscant, right? Where all of the things are happening?"

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows lift of their own accord. “It’s not my order. But what things have you heard out here?”

"Astri doesn't really watch things," Merka says. "We don't have time. But I think it's interesting, so once in a while I'll tune in. I heard the leader of the Galactic Senate is being accused of being some kind of terrorist."

Obi-Wan makes a noise that’s a lot less like a laugh. “A Sith,” he says. 

"What is that?" Merka asks.

“They’re the converse of my--of the Jedi,” Obi-Wan says. “They work through the dark side of the Force. They are driven by ambition, and bring suffering and evil.”

"So was it to do with that?" Merka says, chewing a piece of meat. "Was there a big fight?"

“No, not a--big fight,” Obi-Wan says. It doesn’t come back to him as violently and frighteningly as it did for the first few weeks. He still has to lay his hands flat on the table and press down to hide the tremor. 

Merka frowns. "Hey, are you okay?"

Just then, Astri lets herself in, ducking her head into the kitchen from the hallway. "Oh good, you cooked!" She catches sight of Obi-Wan and frowns, too. "Did I interrupt?"

“Merka was just asking about my adventures,” Obi-Wan says.

"Oh," Astri says. She sits next to Obi-Wan. "Is that a good idea?"

"I thought so," Merka says cheerfully. "Come on, he's been out in the core worlds. We never know what's going on. But I think I upset him."

“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan says. “Tell me what you want to know.”

"I guess what everyone wants to know is what happened with the guy who was in charge of all this," Merka says.

"Not 'all this,'" Astri corrects. "Nobody's in charge of us out here."

"Right, but the terrorist," Merka says. "The Sith."

“Well,” says Obi-Wan. “I guess--I happened.”

"You took him out?" Merka asks.

“I exposed him,” Obi-Wan says. “I had a hunch--I was on my way to tell the Jedi Council of my suspicions, but he intercepted me.” He clears his throat. “It became very clear that I was right.”

"He attacked you?" Astri asks, eyes wide. "Physically?" She glances at his hand quickly, then back at his face.

“I wish I could tell you it was an impressive battle, but it really wasn’t,” Obi-Wan says. “It was--awful, actually.”

Astri puts her arm around him. "Oh, Obi-Wan. I'm so sorry."

"But you won," Merka says bracingly. "Look at you! Still in one piece, and he's in prison or something."

Not exactly winning, and not exactly one piece. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says, brushing past that. “For now.” 

"What are you going to do with him next?" she asks.

"Merka," Astri says.

“I’m not going to do anything with him,” Obi-Wan says. It hits him like a wave, and he lets it, because isn’t that the point? “I’m not a Jedi. It’s nothing to do with me anymore.”

Astri puts her skinny arm around him. "Obi-Wan," she says. "I'm sorry."

"What are you going to do with your newfound freedom?" Merka asks, apparently less concerned with Obi-Wan's emotional state.

Obi-Wan feels like he’s getting whiplash from this conversation. 

“I don’t know?” he says. “My only plan was to leave.”

"Go easy on him," Astri tells Merka. "This is all pretty new." She gives Obi-Wan's shoulders a squeeze. "I am sorry, but it sounds like this is for the best. If you had to lie to the all the time…"

“Yes, I suppose,” says Obi-Wan. But he doesn’t feel that way at all. He _can_ feel the place where the weight of the Jedi’s censure, his guilt, his anxiety, will lift. But it hasn’t been able to yet, and on top of it there’s this terrible sadness because all he can see is what’s gone.

He wishes--no. No. He doesn’t wish that.

"You can stay as long as you want," Astri says. "We talked about it a little last night. If you need a place to clear your head."

"And I'll try not to talk too much," Merka says dubiously.

“Don’t let me stand in the way of anything,” Obi-Wan says. “Least of all talk. I won’t be in your hair long, I promise.” Where in the galaxy is he going to go? What is he _for_? He wonders if his oncoming existential crisis is visible across the table.

Maybe, because Merka's voice is much gentler where she says, "Drink some more fruit."

"We'll make sure you at least have a destination by the time we let you leave," Astri says firmly.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan says. “I don’t deserve you at all. Although I hoped--I came here because I hoped. I’m very grateful. These have not been my best months.”

"We're always here for you," Astri says firmly. "You helped me over and over again. You've been so brave, and so loyal. I'm on your side."

Obi-Wan feels neither brave nor loyal. He feels sad, and tired.

“Thank you, my friend,” he says. He clears his throat. “Is there anything I can do to help out, in exchange for all this?”

Astri says no at the same time Merka says yes. Then Astri laughs and says, "She's right. There's not point in making you feel useless. We always need help at the restaurant. Are you feeling up to that?"

“It sounds terrifying,” says Obi-Wan. 

"Astri's mean in the kitchen," Merka says, grinning. "Very bossy."

"I won't be mean to a guest," Astri says. "But I will happily put you to work. It's nice. If you help prep, it's a lot of downtime to think. Or if you want the opposite, I can have you help out in the evening."

“Chopping vegetables sounds nice,” Obi-Wan says. “Thinking is--I think good.” It took him years, but he likes meditation, now, and finds his entire head scrambling into knots when he doesn’t do it.

Astri nods. "Not a problem. We always have extra work. And we can catch up, too." She gives him a long look. "If you want to talk about it, that is."

“Oh, you know me,” Obi-Wan says. 

"Are Jedis told they can't express themselves?" Merka asks. "Or is that just you?"

Obi-Wan is surprised into a laugh. “They are meant to be in control of their emotions,” he says. “Not to let fears or anger or passions drive them. They listen to their feelings, but we--they are meant not to give in to them. I was a Jedi for a long time.” 

"Then it's going to be hard, learning to feel your feelings again," Merka says. She pushes the end of her smoothie toward Astri, who has already finished hers.

“I think so,” Obi-Wan says. “But trying not to feel them was...untenable. At the end.”

"I can't imagine," Merka says. "That sounds pretty cruel, if you ask me." Astri's arm tightens around Obi-Wan again. He’s so unused to touching people, other than Anakin, other than Padmé, for awhile there. The places where her weight falls feel _healed_.

“Well,” he says, “I did break the rules--did Astri tell you?”

Merka shakes her head. "I was pretty worn out when I got in last night. We didn't talk long. What'd you do? Accidentally cry, or something else forbidden?"

“Aren’t you clever?” Obi-Wan says. “No, I fell in love. With another Jedi. He had been my student. Once he became a full Jedi, we still worked together closely, and he--well. We carried on for years without anyone the wiser, except he trusted someone with the secret and that was a mistake.”

Merka pauses for a long moment. Then she says, "You must be pretty mad at him."

“No,” Obi-Wan says. “I was to begin with, only because of who it was that he trusted. But that monster could have torn every secret out of him as easily as pulling a leaf off a tree.” His voice shakes. “Now, him--him I’m angry at.”

Astri still hasn't let go of him.

"Then…" Merka shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to think of a sensitive way to ask this, but isn't your boyfriend upset that you just left?"

Oh, Anakin. Anakin must have been told. He must be so angry.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says. “He probably is. I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him in months.”

"But--"

"It's okay," Astri says firmly. "Obi-Wan is working things out."

“I’m sure it seems very silly, from the outside,” Obi-Wan says. “Rather than be separated and miserable, why didn’t we both just leave the Order and do what we wanted, yes? But the Order isn’t a job. It is the entire world, to a Jedi. It’s how you wake up and how you go to sleep, how you fight and die and live and speak. It’s faith, and communion with the Force, and a thousand practicalities you never think about until you think of having to provide them for yourself. It’s not so easy to walk away from that, even if it’s...well. Even once you come to realize it’s broken your heart.”

Merka is silent. She looks impressed.

Astri finally pulls away fro Obi-Wan, and he realizes she's teary-eyed. "I hate them a little bit. For making you feel like you didn't have options."

“You can feel how you like,” Obi-Wan says. “For myself, I don’t know.” 

"Of course you don't," Astri says. "You've only just left. Nobody could know how they felt yet."

"Especially if they've been repressing their feelings for decades," Merka says. She gives Obi-Wan a sympathetic grimace.

Obi-Wan could take issue with _repressing,_ but it’s been true enough lately that he doesn’t. 

“I’m sure it will come to me soon enough,” he says. “Did you want to know more about what’s going on in the galaxy? I could tell you some exciting stories.”

"Yes!" Merka says. "You tell stories, we'll show you around the restaurant."

“Deal,” says Obi-Wan. “As soon as I’ve finished my breakfast.”

 

vi.

 

After they make him a master, Anakin feels like he's floating. Finally, somebody can see how much he's done. He's worked so hard and taken so many risks and that means something to them. He thought he'd gotten too cynical to care about the Council's approval, but he's learning that he's wrong. Of course, he still has to catch Count Dooku and change their minds about Obi-Wan, but everything else feels better than it has in years. He's even getting along with Master Windu.

He’s meeting Master Windu at the temple to discuss their next deployment--it’s early morning, early enough that even Padmé was still asleep. The weather is warm and bright but not too stuffy. The temple is peaceful.

Master Windu is not.

“Skywalker,” he practically barks, as the door shuts behind him.

Anakin frowns. "What is it, Master?" He's torn between worrying about an unforeseen development in the war and worrying that he's done something wrong.

Master Windu casts him a leery eye, and says, “No, you must not know, or you’d be reacting.” He grimaces, looking completely provoked. “There’s something I should tell you, before it gets to you another way.”

Anakin goes cold. His fingertips feel numb. Obi-Wan, it must be. "What?" he asks woodenly.

Master Windu looks him up and down, and something he sees takes a little of the punch out of him. He takes a deep breath and says, “Obi-Wan left.”

It takes Anakin several seconds to process the words and make himself understand that it doesn't mean Obi-Wan is dead. "Left?" he echoes, feeling stupid, but still too drowned in adrenaline to do better.

“The order,” Master Windu says. “He left the order. And, as far as I can tell, Coruscant.”

"Why would he do that?" Anakin asks. It doesn't make sense. Left the order? Obi-Wan wouldn't do that. The Jedi are his life.

Master Windu gives him a long, incredulous look.

"Oh no," Anakin says with creeping horror. "Because of me?" _No_ , he corrects himself, on the heels of that thought. _Because of the rest of you._

Master Windu says, “ _Apparently_ he told Yoda last night. And Master Yoda elected to tell me just now. So I only know anything secondhand.” He sounds annoyed by this.

"He didn't tell me," Anakin says. "He wouldn't leave without telling me." The evidence, increasingly, suggests that he may be wrong. He just can't understand it. Did he mean so much to Obi-Wan that--but yes, he did.

“I suspect,” says Master Windu warningly, “that he didn’t want you doing anything rash. Or to put your hard-earned reputation at risk.”

"I'm not going to quit, if that's what you mean," Anakin says. His plan depends on being in the position he's in. But it's going to need some heavy modifications now.

“Good,” Master Windu says. “We need you. As much trouble as you are.”

Anakin swells with pride, but he can't leave this alone. "I would like to talk to Master Yoda, though."

“For one thing,” says Master Windu, “I can’t imagine what you think that will accomplish. For another, I’m not sure it’s your business to know anything about Obi-Wan’s leaving that he chose not to tell you himself.”

"I value your opinion, Master Windu," Anakin says, bowing deeply. But he's a Jedi Master now, and he can go where he likes and talk to whoever he likes. Maybe Obi-Wan left him a message. Maybe he has a plan of his own. But more likely he was just so upset that he had to walk away from...everything. It makes Anakin's chest ache.

Master Windu sighs. “I can’t stop you from talking to Yoda,” he says. “I just don’t want to see you lose ground. You’ve done well. Obi-Wan...did not adjust. I can’t--” He pauses. “I’m saddened by that. But I’d be profoundly sadder if it cost us anything else.”

"I'm shocked to see a case in which you value me above him," Anakin says stiffly.

“Anakin,” says Master Windu, with the pinched expression that means someone (Anakin) is giving him a headache. “For years, Obi-Wan was one of the best of us. His leaving...But he _chose_ to leave. There’s nothing I can do about that except protect what chooses to stay.”

Anakin is struck suddenly by how sad it is that Master Windu thinks he's doing something more admirable than Obi-Wan. But he's just able to hide his heart better. "I'm just having trouble understanding," he says. "I'm sorry. I feel like this is my fault."

Master Windu grimaces. “Your relationship is on both of you. How you each chose to respond once it ended--you can’t blame yourself for that.”

And now Anakin is the good one. Or at least he looks like the good one. He feels as if he's constantly moments away from saying what he really thinks. Keeping his mouth shut isn't buying him as much leverage now, though. He can impress them all he wants; the Council won't have the ability to give Obi-Wan back to him.

"I just hope he's all right," he says, which isn't really what a Jedi should say.

Master Windu sighs. “So do I,” he says. Anakin can’t always get past his bluster to see his real emotions, but he realizes that Master Windu is, in fact, upset.

He wants to point out that the council did this to Obi-Wan, and that it didn't have to be this way, but on his first week as a Master, it seems like a mistake. "What do people do when they leave the Order?" he asks. "Nobody talks about the ones who leave, unless they're like Dooku."

Master Windu shakes his head. “Cut their ties. But it depends on why they left. You can feel close the Force and not the Order, I suppose. Or you can reject the Force. Be a soldier. Go home. Get married, start a farm. What do people do? They do that. How they live with it depends on the individual.’

Anakin tries to imagine Obi-Wan without the Order and can't. "There are people trained in how to use the Force who aren't part of the Order?" Anakin asks. He's perpetually surprised to find himself asking Master Windu many of the same kind of questions he used to ask Palpatine.

“It’s a big universe,” Master Windu says. “The Dathomir witches--but don’t get any ideas.”

It's too late. Anakin is already full of so many ideas. "What kind of ideas is Obi-Wan getting?" he asks. "Would you keep track at all? Do you, when people leave? Even if you're not supposed to?"

Master Windu looks pained. “Anakin,” he says, as if Anakin should be able to read into that all matter of things.

"I know," Anakin says. "I'm not allowed to talk to him. I'm not allowed to see him. But I'm allowed to be curious. I wasn't ever told any of this." His head is spinning furiously. If Obi-Wan's not a Jedi, they can't tell him what to do.

Master Windu says, “It’s not something that often comes up. Most people, once they find the Order, are satisfied.”

 

Anakin has never been quite satisfied by anything, but that's neither here nor there. Obi-Wan probably doesn't want him quitting to chase after him. Almost definitely.

"If I run into him by chance, am I allowed to talk to him?" he asks.

Master Windu raises an eyebrow. “I’d say the chances of that are nil and not to worry about it, but you have a way of drastically changing the odds. In any case--I’d think you know the answer.”

"I do," Anakin says. "And I'll abide by that." He absolutely will not. "I'm just--surprised. Aren't you?"

He sees the discomfort on Master Windu’s face before it can be hidden. Master Windu says, “Yes. But perhaps that’s my own fault.”

Anakin isn't sure how far he can push. But it's an unusual situation. "I always thought he was pretty much a perfect Jedi. Even aside from my personal feelings."

Apparently that’s as far as he _can_ push. Master Windu says, clipped, “Yes, we all thought so. And the extent of our error has been tragic. Put this aside, Anakin, and pay attention to the things that can still be salvaged.”

"Such as the remains of the war," Anakin says. He's so bored of the war. They're essentially winning at this point, and that's no challenge. "We have to find Dooku." He has to find Dooku.

Master Windu glowers. “We’re aware, Anakin.”

"Sorry, Master, I won't keep telling you things you already know," Anakin says calmly. Inside, he's not calm. He can't believe Obi-Wan. The worst part is, he doesn't understand what Obi-Wan's thinking. Leaving the Order is so out of character for him that Anakin is really worried. He can't manage this on his own. He needs to talk to Padmé.

“Please,” says Master Windu, “do me a great favor. Hold onto the diligence you’ve shown lately, and don’t go running after him. He left, Anakin. You’re still here.”

Anakin wishes he could promise to do the right thing, but all he can do is follow the letter of the law. "I won't go after him," he says.

Master Windu’s shoulders slump. “Thank you,” he says. And then, surprisingly, “I’m sorry.”

Anakin's head snaps up. "What? What for?"

For a moment he thinks Master Windu won’t answer, because he’s too busy looking horrified at himself. But then he rallies, and says, “You must be disappointed. That’s all.”

"Yes," Anakin says. "Disappointed. That's one word."

Master Windu clears his throat. “I have a Council meeting to attend,” he says, “but later today we’ll need to speak about your next moves. Now that you’re a Master, things will be changing a bit for you.”

Anakin wants to say that things have already changed. He can't imagine anything more different from the Jedi without Obi-Wan. Instead he says, "I look forward to that."

He gets a gruff nod in response. “Good,” Master Windu says. “I know you will—carry on. And I look forward to what comes next for you.” He seems to hesitate, and then says, “You know, Anakin—if you’re struggling, you can say something. I don’t want you to feel closed off from your feelings, or your fellow Jedi.”

He’s belaboring points by now in a way Anakin has never heard before.

"Closed off from my feelings," Anakin says carefully. "I'm sorry, Master, aren't my feelings the problem people have had with me?" 

Master Windu says, “What we seek is mastery of our feelings, Anakin. Not to be ruled by them. Not to hide from them until they destroy us. Either is a mistake.”

The latter, Anakin thinks, is why Obi-Wan is gone. "How do I--How do _you_ do that?" Anakin asks. "How are you doing it right now?" The answer is that Master Windu isn't. Everyone is ruled by their feelings a little. Anakin just needs to understand what Obi-Wan was thinking, and he won't get that from this conversation. Master Windu is as lost as he is.

“Patience and faith,” says Master Windu, but it’s a weak answer whether he knows it or not. Maybe he does, because he turns the conversation towards other things and doesn’t bring Obi-Wan, or feelings, up again. 

vii.

Padmé has had a difficult week. Although the Jedi and the senate investigatory committee have been steadily providing evidence of Palpatine’s treachery, there are still systems that resent and suspect his removal from power. They are getting restless, and persuading them to her side is exhausting even if it is entirely her element. She is pacing in her office, trying to work out how to frame her next arguments, when Anakin arrives.

"Padmé," he says. He looks flushed, almost feverish, but when he speaks, his voice is perfectly calm. "I don't know what this means, but Obi-Wan left the Order."

Padmé always gives herself a moment to think before she reacts to things, but hearing this is like seeing the planet spin in the wrong direction. She gives an unconscious jolt and says, “I’m sorry--he what? _Our_ Obi-Wan?”

"Yes, "Anakin says. "Mace Windu told me just now. And he only just found out."

Padmé isn’t sure she understands what _she_ is finding out.

“You mean he’s left Coruscant,” she says. “Or he’s gone on a retreat, or something like that…?”

"He quit," Anakin says, shaking his head. "He quit for good."

Padmé leans against her desk, suddenly grateful for the support. She says, “But he’s always--since I’ve known him--”

"He's a Jedi," Anakin says quietly. "It's all he has. Except for us." He laughs mirthlessly.

“Oh, Anakin,” says Padmé. “Are you all right?” It’s a silly question that makes her wince, but she can’t help it; she cares that he’s all right.

"No," Anakin says. "I'm not. Even Master Windu isn't. Why wouldn't Obi-Wan _say_ anything?"

That part doesn’t seem so mysterious to Padmé, if she can wrap her head around his leaving at all. 

“I think it must be to protect you,” she says.

"How is this supposed to be protect me?" Anakin demands, and Padmé can see some of the simmering anger he's been holding in.

“You didn’t quit,” she says. “You’re still a Jedi.”

Anakin blinks at her, apparently derailed. "What does that have to do with--what?"

“I think he stayed away so you could obey the Council,” she says. “So you wouldn’t have to--compromise yourself.”

"He should have talked to me," Anakin says. He sighs in exasperation. "No, I know he wasn't allowed, but I could have told him I was going to toe the line!"

“He believes in you,” Padmé says. “He wouldn’t put you in the position of defying orders. But he could have talked to _me_ without breaking any rules. I wish he had.”

"Well, he clearly wasn't thinking, because now I have to go find him."

Padmé says, “I thought you were going to toe the line?” She’s still trying to understand what Anakin is telling her, and he’s a hundred steps ahead..

"I don't--I need to think. I need to find a way to fix this without breaking any rules. He's not answering his commlink at all." Anakin still sounds calm, but it's the kind of barely contained emotion Padmé recognizes as explosive.

“Anakin,” she says. “Slow down. Can you tell me what happened?”

He paces for a moment, then sits. "I don't know very much," he says. "Master Windu was as shocked as I am. Apparently Obi-Wan quit very recently. He's off-planet now, they think."

When he lays it out like that, it’s painful. Obi-Wan has always been inclined to go off on his own, barreling into danger. But it’s never been to leave anyone behind, before now. 

“Why?” she asks.

"Me," Anakin says, sudden and savage. "Or them. The Council. Because of what happened. That's what Master Windu thinks, anyway. I want to talk to Yoda. Yoda's the one he actually told."

“Will they tell you anything?” Padmé asks, but inside her heart is sinking. She’s never understood the Jedi code, and this is not compelling her to change her perspective. Poor Obi-Wan. Poor Anakin. Poor herself, to some degree.

"I don't know," Anakin says. "I don't know anything. But I'm not going to just let him leave like that." Whatever Anakin is planning, it's probably not smart or safe.

“I’m so sorry,” Padmé says. She is. Obi-Wan must have thought there was no chance of things changing, to do this. “I wonder why now.”

"Maybe he just couldn't stand it anymore," Anakin says. "You said you'd seen him. You know how he was looking. And then they made me a Master...Padmé, I feel like this is all my fault."

“You didn’t make the rules,” she says. “And you didn’t make him love you. I know, you’re afraid you dragged him into this unwillingly. But he’s not helpless, Anakin, not even when it comes to you. It’s not your fault.”

Anakin takes a shaky breath and meets her eyes. He's listening. "All right," he says. "But it is up to me to fix it." He pauses. "Us."

Padmé says, “Yes, us.” Her mind is turning. “Anakin, can you do something for me?”

He looks almost painfully grateful. "Yes, anything."

“Do your duty,” she says. “Be a very good Jedi. I have resources, you know. And I won’t be breaking any rules if I look for him. You do like you said and toe the line, and I promise I’ll find him. If anything is going to change, it can’t hurt if you’re winning over the Council the whole time I look.”

Anakin looks deeply distrustful, but he says, "All right. And if I impress them by accidentally finding Count Dooku, that will just be a bonus."

Padmé says, “I suppose so. But don’t do anything stupid, Anakin. For my sake. For the sake of what you want to accomplish.”

"I won't," he says. "Not very stupid, anyway. I'm going to keep trying to reach Obi-Wan, though, Just to talk."

“I wish he wasn’t on his own,” she says. “Not that I doubt him. It’s just, last time…”

"Every time," Anakin says. "He walks into trouble every time. And I don't know how much he cares about that right now."

That’s an unhappy thought.

“He won’t get hurt on purpose,” she says, uncertain if it’s true. It doesn’t sound like Obi-Wan, but neither does any of this.

"He's a Jedi," Anakin says, shaking his head. He looks lost. "I don't know what he is without that. When this got started--the Council catching us--I thought that if one of us left, it would be me."

“I thought then that you only stayed because he asked you,” Padmé says. “Never mind what I said before—do you _want_ to stay without him?”

To his credit, Anakin takes a moment to think about it. Then he says, "They made me a master. I fought my way back from being so close to the Dark Side I could taste it. I don't want to throw all of that away yet."

She nods, relieved without expecting it. “Then we’ll get him back without you losing anything.”

"You're a genius, so maybe we will," Anakin says, grabbing her hand and pressing it with his.

She pulls him close and hugs him tightly. “We will,” she says. “Even if he doesn’t want to be found.”

Anakin holds her and breathes into her hair until they're both calm again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Qui-Ghost


	4. Persistence

i.

By the time he leaves Astri and Merka, Obi-Wan feels...different. Like something that has been vacuum-packed and is gradually expanding. His nerves seem too sensitive and his feelings too fresh. They no longer feel like they’re going to choke him, though. They feel like something to ride out, and live through. 

It’s Merka’s idea, what he plans next. After hearing however many tales of Jedi in action, she asks, “When are you getting back to all that?” 

“I’m not a Jedi, remember?” he says.

“Back to heroics,” she says obviously. “Unless you want to keep washing root vegetables on our little backwater, which you’re more than welcome to.”

She has a point, so Obi-Wan preps his ship and plots a course, which takes it as given that some of his intelligence, from before he left Coruscant, is still relatively up to date. There are still things for him to do out here. And first, he’s going to pay another visit to an old friend.

He wishes Astri and Merka goodbye with long hugs and genuine smiles, then tries to adjust to the silence of a ship with no one else in it.

Ah, well. It doesn’t take so long to get where he’s going next.

Nield is still living on Melida/Daan--now called Melidaan. Obi-Wan thinks he's some kind of governor. It doesn't take long after he lands for him to ask around and find out where Nield is living. Everyone seems to know Nield, and many of them watch Obi-Wan curiously when he walks away.

There are still scars here from the war that ended decades ago. There are buildings that have been demolished and cleared away, but not rebuilt. For the most part, though, the capital city looks clean and safe. Obi-Wan hopes that's true.

Nield's house is nestled among other houses, not remarkable in anyway. When Obi-Wan rings the bell, he wonders if it's the wrong place, until Nield opens the door.

His hair is longer than last time Obi-Wan saw him, and he's older, but other than that, he looks the same. He even looks distrustful.

Then he says, "Wait a minute, Obi-Wan?"

“Hello,” says Obi-Wan with a smile. “I should have asked ahead, I know.”

"No, it's all right," Nield says. "Come in." He opens the door wider, shaking his head. "I can't believe you just turned up. It's been--how long?"

“Since we were children,” Obi-Wan says. “I know. There wasn’t any real way for me to come back. I’ve thought of you, though.”

"You too," Nield says. "I almost didn't recognize you with that beard. But your eyes are the same. Here, sit down." Everything in the house--which isn't much--is very neat.

Obi-Wan doesn’t sit immediately. He says, “It is _very_ good to see you."

Nield pauses. "Will you get kicked out of the Jedi Order if I give you a hug?"

Obi-Wan puts off his explanations for a few seconds, at least, and throws his arms around Nield. 

“My friend,” he says.

Nield holds on tight for a long moment. "Please tell me you've come to stay, then," he says finally, stepping back.

Obi-Wan only slowly lets his hand slip off of Nield’s shoulder. “Not permanently,” he says. “But I wanted to see you very badly. And I wanted to let you know that I’ll come back, now.”

Nield frowns. "So something _did_ happen with the Jedi."

This part is getting more familiar, but Obi-Wan finds he doesn’t want to tell it piecemeal and gentled-down the way he did to Astri. His entire history with Nield is high stakes, impassioned and painful.

“May I have something to drink?” he asks. “Then I promise I’ll tell you from start to finish.”

"Right, of course," Neild says. "Alcohol? If that's not helpful, I have milk and water."

“Water, thank you,” Obi-Wan says. “Truly I can’t handle much else, directly after flying.”

Nield laughs and gets him the water. "I meant it about staying, though. Whatever else you have going on--and it sounds like a lot--you still have a responsibility here, if you ask me. Especially if you don't have one anywhere else." He looks at Obi-Wan searchingly.

In the heart of hearts that thinks about these things, Obi-Wan has not truly expected Nield to soften with time, so it doesn’t trouble him as much as it could.

“It looks to me as though Melidaan is in capable hands,” Obi-Wan says. “Besides, I do not think I do anyone any good, trying to stay too long in one place.”

"You're making it sound like you're on the run," Nield says. "You'd better tell me your story. Sit down. You're making me nervous."

Obi-Wan takes a seat. When Nield has done the same, Obi-Wan says, “I’m not on the run. I’m just--self-directed.”

"Tell me you walked away from them _again_ ," Nield says, his eyes hungry. He's never had any respect for the Jedi.

Obi-Wan swallows the pain--which it’s getting slightly easier to do--and says, “I did. But not toward anything, which makes it--harder, this time.”

Nield nods. "I respect that. So what was finally too much for you?"

“It starts so long ago,” Obi-Wan says. “Perhaps ten years after I left Melida/Daan. Master Qui-Gon and I encountered a force-sensitive boy on a desert planet. He had no prospects where he was, so Master Qui-Gon took him with us.” No uncharitable comment on what Obi-Wan had thought about that at the time.

"How is Qui-Gon?" Nield asks perfunctorily.

“He died,” Obi-Wan says. “Before he had the chance to teach the boy anything.”

"Oh," Nield says. "I'm sorry." Again, he doesn't sound _very_ sorry. It’s an old grief, and Obi-Wan steps through it quickly.

“The short version,” says Obi-Wan, “is that they allowed me to take the trials so I’d be qualified to teach the boy myself. Otherwise they wouldn’t have allowed him to be trained at all. Too old, and too...unpredictable.”

"I can see this endling very badly," Nield comments. "Which I imagine it did."

“Not the way you might think,” Obi-Wan says. “But--all right, then again, maybe exactly the way you’d think. Do you keep an ear open to the news of the Republic?”

"Yes," Nield says. "I've been keeping an eye on the war. We're a neutral system, but of course that doesn't matter very much."

“Then you know the name Palpatine?”

Nield grimaces. "Yes. The corrupt chancellor who, surprise surprise, turns out to be corrupt."

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says slowly. “He was at the center of things. Before we knew his true nature, he was not only the closest thing to an authority over the Jedi, but a sort of mentor to Anakin. To--my student.”

Nield nods slowly. "Your hand. Did your student do that?"

“What? No!” Obi-Wan says. “Palpatine did, actually. Anakin’s closeness to him allowed me to...work some things out. I went to tell my masters of my suspicions, but Palpatine waylaid me.” He swallows. “He tortured me and took my hand but he didn’t kill me, because he knew Anakin wouldn’t forgive him for that and he wanted Anakin for himself. Apprentice to a sith.”

Nield, uncharacteristically, doesn't snap off a response. He takes a sip and considers Obi-Wan carefully. Then he says, "I underestimated what kind of things you might be getting into. I hope Anakin was appreciative."

“Anakin was fine,” Obi-Wan says. 

"But you thought it was all too much and quit the Jedi?" Nield asks. "That doesn't sound like you."

“No, that was all several months ago,” Obi-Wan says--although when he says it like that, it’s shocking how so little time has changed so much. “No. Palpatine is in Jedi custody now. And while he wants most of all to be free, he has settled so far for a little petty revenge.” He swallows. “He told one of the most senior Jedi on Coruscant that Anakin and I were in love.”

Nield's eyebrows go up. "You were fired, then? Kicked out?"

“Oh, no, they kept both of us,” Obi-Wan says. “But apart.”

"But…" Nield frowns. "It wasn't true." He says it with such certainty.

And really, Obi-Wan should have seen this coming. He knows perfectly, profoundly well what Nield would believe, what his history with intergenerational blood and mistrust would teach him. He’s lost so much because the young couldn’t trust the faith of the old. And he has no reason to believe that what Obi-Wan has done isn’t a vast breach of faith.

But Obi-Wan is here, and he’s told most of the story, and if he’d been willing to keep lying he wouldn’t have left the Jedi.

“No, it is true,” he says. “Palpatine wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t.”

"What?" Nield says sharply. "You slept with your student?" He puts his glass down with a thud.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says, and struggles for a moment. He wants out of Nield’s disgust, but doesn’t want to excuse himself, or make Anakin sound like any kind of monster. “He was grown. He wasn’t my student any longer. And when he asked, I would have given him next to anything.”

Nield, still frowning, gets up and paces the length of the room and back. He picks up his water glass and refills it, never looking at Obi-Wan. When he finally settles in his chair again he says, "I want to trust you. But it's been decades since I knew you, and I don't know Anakin at all. I don't like the sound of it."

Anything Obi-Wan could say would probably make Nield like it even less, in one direction or another. And the relevant facts about Anakin are unlikely to be convincing, coming from Obi-Wan himself. Anyway, there’s Anakin, in the back of his head. Anakin would be so angry if Obi-Wan made himself sound ashamed.

“I understand,” he says. “I would feel the same.”

Nield sighs. "I do know you, though," he says. He looks like he might say more, but he doesn't.

Obi-Wan doesn’t know what to say at all. He turns the glass in his hands, then lets go because it’s Nield’s glass in Nield’s house, and perhaps he shouldn’t be here. He puts his hands in his lap. If Anakin were here himself, he thinks, he’d start a fight. He’d defend Obi-Wan, much too much. He’d make a scene. Nield would probably stop feeling protective very quickly.

Obi-Wan misses Anakin so much that his hands clench in his lap, and he forgets how to breathe.

"Obi-Wan," Nield says with surprisingly gentleness. "If there's one thing I know, it's that the young know what they want, even if they are young. I believe you if you say that's how it was. I interrupted your story."

Obi-Wan slowly raises his eyes. “He’s incredible, Nield. He’s one of the most powerful force-wielders I’ve ever met. He’s clever and hot-headed and can fight circles around me. He breaks every rule and loves as fiercely as he wants to and fights the whole Jedi Council at the drop of a hat. They can’t get rid of him now that he’s helped bring down Palpatine, but he makes them just wild. They don’t know what to do with someone like him.”

"You really love him," Nield says. "You never talked that way about--anyone else."

Obi-Wan says, “I was willing to break the code for him a thousand times. I was willing to overlook so many things--Palpatine almost corrupted him, and almost took over everything, and it would have been partially my fault.”

"I'm starting to see how this ends in you getting screwed," Nield says, grimacing.

“They were more lenient than they would have been if it hadn’t been for stopping Palpatine,” Obi-Wan says. “Especially give how--close things got, with Anakin. But he was saved, and Palpatine was caught. And I think it helped I’d almost died. I think they didn’t like that.”

"Neither do I," Nield says forcefully. "They _should_ have been grateful. How did it fall apart?"

“The funny thing,” Obi-Wan says, “is that Anakin is married.”

"Wait." Nield leans forward, elbows on knees. "Jedi aren't allowed to do that."

“No,” Obi-Wan agrees. “I let him get away with that, too. And so did the Council. Again: because he stopped Palpatine from enslaving the galaxy.”

"I'm starting to feel like you're a sucker," Nield says, but not without affection.

“Do you think so?” Obi-Wan asks, a little hopelessly.

"He was married," Nield says with disgust. "So what were you to him?"

It stings, because Obi-Wan had wondered that, too, when he found out. But he hadn’t wondered too much. He’d been so ready, in those days, to discount himself when he shouldn’t.

“It’s difficult to explain,” he says unimpressively.

"So you put everything on this line for this asshole kid, and what did he put on the line for you, when everyone found out about you two?" Nield asks.

Obi-Wan bites back his immediate snarl of defensiveness and says, still snappish, “He did what he was told.” 

"Okay." Nield holds up his hands. "And you didn't? Is that why you're here?" He keeps pushing for the connective tissue of the story, dissatisfied with what Obi-Wan is giving him.

“Sorry,” says Obi-Wan. “I’ve just--I’ve spent a lot of time explaining to people that Anakin is worth the effort. He is. Only there is a lot of him, and it doesn’t temper easily.”

Nield, to Obi-Wan's surprise, laughs. "I know how that is, I guess. I was just being--protective of an old friend. I hope his husband has a little backbone."

“Wife!” says Obi-Wan in surprise. “He’s married to a senator and I’ve known her as long as I’ve known him. She’s one of the most remarkable people I know, and she certainly has more backbone than I do.”

Nield laughs again. "Okay, I should have just let you talk. I've had all the pieces of this wrong the whole time." Then he surprises Obi-Wan by saying, "Are you in love with her?"

Obi-Wan says, “I love her. I’m not _in_ love with her.” He tilts his head. “We have slept together, though. Quite a bit.”

Nield swears incredulously. "Now this is starting to sound like you."

Obi-Wan laughs, but he’s hit from behind with sadness. “Yes,” he says. “I suppose so. If I had it anymore.”

"But you're going to get it back," Nield says forcefully. "You're not just going to give up. You walked away from Melidaan. Don't walk away from that."

Obi-Wan shakes his head slowly. “Nothing’s simple,” he says. “Anakin was so angry when they split us up--called it hypocrisy, I think wanted to fight the Council with sabers, I think would have quit the Order himself if I hadn’t told him not to. But he can’t leave the order, Nield. He mustn’t. He was almost lost, and he clawed his way back. He needs discipline, and faith, and structure. He needs them.”

"What do you need?" Nield demands.

Obi-Wan, who felt so put together when he landed here, feels like he is crumbling at the edges. “To grieve,” he says. 

Nield nods slowly. "Let me know when you want a drink. Or a hug."

Obi-Wan smiles unsteadily. “You don’t think I’m a monster?” he asks.

"I think everyone else in that story comes off worse," Nield says. He gets up and kneels by Obi-Wan's chair, pulling him into a hug. "My friend," he murmurs. "Welcome back."

Obi-Wan presses his forehead against Nield’s hair and hugs him back. “I hoped you’d understand what a mess of war and feelings I’ve gotten myself into,” he says. “It’s a wreck, I know.”

"Believe me," Nield says, pulling away and returning to his seat, "I'm sorry I didn't understand at first. But I know at least part of what you've been dealing with, and how it feels. You know, Cerasi would have…" He trails off as if unsure what he wanted to say. It's the first time he's mentioned her name.

She is a bright and painful star on the map of Obi-Wan’s memories. It’s funny to think that he has only ever felt closer to a handful of people, but can hardly imagine now _what_ she would have done. He wants to be reminded.

“What?” he says softly.

"She wouldn't have interrupted your story and harangued you, anyway," Nield says. "It's funny. You and Anakin and his wife. It makes me think of how we were." It's an intense, almost irrational thing to say, and he says it with such passion for something so far in the past.

Still, Obi-Wan sees it. 

“If things had been a little different,” he says, “yes.”

"I just hope you don't let this ruin things for you," Nield says, shaking off the past. "You know, find something useful to do. I can't imagine you wouldn't."

“Yes, I’m ready for that,” Obi-Wan says. “I lasted three months with the Jedi, you know. Three months of trying to be what they asked for. It took me that long to realize that by staying I was betraying them and Anakin both.” He shrugs uncomfortably. “I felt...trapped. It’s taken longer to feel I can move again.”

"On top of torture, losing a limb, who knows what else…" Nield shakes his head. "Take your time. Just don't stagnate. Keep moving. That's my advice, from experience. But if you want to keep moving on Melidaan, I'm fine with that."

“I have a few thoughts of where to start,” Obi-Wan says. “And trust me, I don’t want to stay still. They’d only just approved me to go back to field work right before I left; I’m practically claustrophobic.”

"Well, there's no shortage of fights to be had here," Nield says. "Nothing like before," he adds quickly, "but little skirmishes all the time. People who need to be reminded that we want peace."

“At the best of times, it’s difficult for a people to remember peace when they’ve been accustomed to war,” Obi-Wan says. “Harder still when the rest of the galaxy is fighting.”

"I thought about you a lot, with the war," Nield says. "I knew you'd be fighting. I actually heard your name a few times. The Separatists came here, you know. To try to get us on their side."

“I’m not shocked to hear that,” Obi-Wan says grimly. “What did you do?”

Nield grits his teeth. "I wanted to fight them. I wanted to kill them all. That old man--Dooku--he showed up in person. I think he thought we were a planet that knew how to fight, so we'd be useful." He rubs his face, deflating suddenly. "But we couldn't fight them. We don't even have any army. So I just made it very clear that we wouldn't be useful. We don't have any military resources, not like they'd hoped."

And not many other resources, either, thank goodness, or the planet would have been overrun in days. Obi-Wan feels cold thinking of it.

“I’m glad they left,” he says. “I’m so glad you’re all right.”

"I'm glad this is a miserable ball of rock that's never fully recovered from the war," Nield says. "Because it's _my_ miserable ball of rock, and I would have died defending it."

Obi-Wan feels suddenly, ferociously fond. He thinks that Nield and Anakin would either get along wonderfully or hate each other to the point of death threats. He wishes he could find out which. 

“I know you would,” he says. “You’ve always given everything to this place. You’ve always given everything in general.”

Nield grins and springs to his feet. "I missed you. Come on, stretch your legs after your flight. I'll show you the city. Then you can have something to eat and rest."

Obi-Wan stands, a little stiff in the knees. “I would love that,” he says. “Show me everything, please.”

ii.

Anakin listens to Padmé. While she puts out her feelers, he presses forward. It only takes him a week to stage a daring rescue of three Jedi Masters and a handful of heavy Republic cruisers. He even manages the perfect roster: Ki Adi Mundi, Kit Fisto, and Adi Gallia. They run the full range of feelings towards Anakin, and from what either Padmé or Anakin can tell, he tips them all in his favor with the rescue.

She listens to his whole breathless recounting of events with a smile bitten between her lips. But she sees, and she hears, more than what he is saying. Everything he does is laced with urgency and anxiety and a ferocious loneliness. 

It makes her very angry. Not for herself--Anakin couldn’t love her any more intensely if he tried--but for all three of them.

It’s only a few hours after she leaves him, to attend to some business at the Senate building, when she encounters Yoda, alone, in a broad, red-carpeted hallway.

Yoda pauses in his slow walk and inclines his head toward her. "Senator Amidala," he says. He hasn't had the guts to say much more to her in the past few weeks, but he's always courteous.

“Master Yoda,” Padmé says. She hears the sharpness in the shapes of her words, and her heartbeat quickens. “How unusual to see you without an entourage, especially in the Senate building.”

Yoda comes to a full stop and turns toward her. "Thinking, I was, yes. Perhaps on the same things as you."

That does not quiet her temper at all. 

“Oh?” she says. “Please, Master Jedi, I’m only too happy to learn what occupies your mind.”

Yoda gazes up at her, unreadable. "Something you wish to say, is there, Senator?"

“Certainly not in any official capacity,” she says. “In which case I suppose it would be best if I simply wish you a good day, and return to my business.” She makes a move to step past him.

"Wait," he says, holding out a hand. "Sorry, I am, Senator, that a politician I am not. Speak plainly, we should."

She does pause. “Are you sure that’s what you want? My involvement with the Jedi, outside of my work, is something I would think you do your best to avoid thinking about at all.”

"And yet, real it is," Yoda murmurs. "And a Jedi you are not. A right you have to let your feelings run."

Padmé says, “I think you misunderstand a politician’s life, Master Yoda.”

He studies her. "Then perhaps continue walking, I should."

“I don’t hold any extreme reverence for the Jedi,” Padmé says, before he can. “I respect the Order, for what it’s done for the galaxy and I respect many Jedi as individuals, but it is probably obvious from my marriage that I don’t hold Jedi precepts sacrosanct.”

"No," Yoda says slowly. "And allow that to stand, we did. More, do you want?" It's impossible to say what tone it's intended in.

“You allowed me, but not Obi-Wan,” she says. “I don’t understand why.”

Yoda pauses. She can see his ears rotating slightly, maybe listening to see if they can be overheard. "Enemies we have. Yes. Popular the Jedi are not." He sounds very sober and he's willing to meet her eyes. "To explain your marriage, easier it would be. To explain Obi-Wan…"

“Do you really think that one affair would harm the Jedi in any significant way?” Padmé says. “If they want to hurt you they’ll find better ways to do it. You haven’t saved yourselves. All you’ve done is hurt people who have served you, who have nearly died for you, and now you’ve lost one of them completely.”

Yoda closes his eyes, pained. "Want that, I did not," he says quietly. "The loss of Obi-Wan is hard."

“I hope it is,” Padmé says. “I hope you regret it. Because he only cares about two things in the universe and you took one of them away and made him pretend it didn’t hurt.” 

She wants to say so much about Anakin, too, but Anakin is still here and they still have power over him. She wants to say so much about herself, but she’s not willing to reveal herself for the sake of an argument.

"Have these rules for a reason, we do," Yoda says a little sharply.

“What reason?” Padmé asks. “What could have saved Anakin, short of Obi-Wan and me? What else could Obi-Wan possibly have given to you, that made loving Anakin such a crime?”

"Saved him, you could have, without crossing that line," Yoda says.

“What a ridiculous thing to say,” Padmé says impatiently. “You don’t know that, Master Jedi. You don’t. You only wish.”

Yoda sighs deeply. "It matters not. By leaving, Obi-Wan has ended the conversation."

Padmé’s fists tighten. “What did he say to you?” she asks. “When he told you he was leaving, what did he say?”

"Private, that is," Yoda says. "Understand your anger, Padmé, I do, but this is between Obi-Wan and the Jedi."

“It seems clear to me that there is nothing between Obi-Wan and the Jedi any longer,” she says. “I hope you understand why that is. And I hope you understand that Anakin is making you proud in spite of what you’ve done, not because of it. Don’t you dare congratulate yourselves.”

Yoda is silent for so long that she doesn't think he's going to answer her. Then he says, his voice gravelly, "Thank you. For your frankness."

Padmé suddenly wants to cry. She is so tired and so angry and so sad, and she can’t even express the extent of how and why that is.

“Well,” she says, “no one else was allowed to tell you the truth. But I am.”

Yoda nods. "Glad, I am. Truly. And sorry. Want this I did not."

Padmé nods. “Good,” she says. “Excuse me, Master Yoda. I came here with matters to attend to. I should attend to them.”

Yoda bows his head and closes his eyes, as if collecting himself. He doesn't say anything else, though, so Padmé feels free to be on her way.

She sets off down the hallway, shaking and unsettled, wishing that the satisfaction of shouting in Yoda’s face had pushed aside the pain behind it for even a second.

iii.

Obi-Wan stays with Nield for about a month, in Melidaan’s time. It’s both centering and jarring, and he knows the whole time that Nield really wants him to stay. That, however, isn’t an option; and one day, when his meditation comes easily and his exercises with the new lightsaber feel natural, he knows it’s time to go.

“I have to,” he says. “I have a fish to catch that won’t stay put forever. And it needs catching.”

Nield looks stormy, but he nods. "I knew you wouldn't stay," he says. "But if you change your mind, you know where to find me. I never go anywhere."

Obi-Wan smiles, and clasps Nield’s arm above the elbow. “Steadfast,” he says. “Exactly what your people need.” He doesn’t want to fight, but only the tiniest part of him wishes he could stay. The rest, for better or worse, has grown up.

Nield hugs him tightly and lets him go, with a few provisions. Obi-Wan isn't sure there's much to spare on Melidaan, but Nield makes it work, just as Obi-Wan is sure he does for his people.

Obi-Wan sets course for Utapau. 

It’s a dangerous gamble. There’s no backup, no second chance, and he’s failed many times--if he was sensible, he’d simply have told Yoda of his earliest suspicions before he ever left Coruscant. Or, even failing that, told him from Melidaan, when suspicion became certainty. But Grievous feels like an attainable goal, at the moment, and also like something Obi-Wan should at least try to finish himself. So off he goes.

His arrival goes smoothly, and as far as he can tell, unnoticed. The hunt itself doesn’t take long, either. He waits for a day or so, risking detection more every minute, until he finally gets Grievous alone. Then he comes out of the shadows. 

Grievous's eyes widen, and he freezes, but only for a moment. Then he laughs his awful, scraping laugh and dissolves into a coughing fit. "Kenobi! So you're ready to die."

“Not today,” Obi-Wan says. “Certainly not by any of your hands.” He already has his lightsaber out and ignited. 

Grievous follows suit, igniting all four of his lightsabers. "Word among the Separatist generals is that you've been expelled from your order," he says.

“I wouldn’t let it worry you,” Obi-Wan answers, stepping slowly to one side. “It doesn’t change a thing between us.”

"Still pathetically grasping for a win you won't get?" Grievous begins to slowly rotating his arms, turning the lightsabers into windmilling blades. "Why? You won't even get any military glory now."

“You always were a foolish animal,” Obi-Wan says. “Glory is nothing. But I will have victory.”

He moves quickly; he knows Grievous isn’t patient, and that he only has limited time before someone (likely armed) comes to interrupt.

Grievous gives a snarl of frustration and lurches forward, his lightsabers whirling faster. "No one will come looking for your body, Kenobi!"

Obi-Wan skids beneath the flashing sabers and slashes at Grievous’s lower left arm. There are sparks. He doesn’t answer, not yet; it’s more important to make the hit.

Grievous's arm hangs loose, but it's still holding the saber. Now it's just swinging wildly when he moves. He roars and flings himself at Obi-Wan. With someone else, Obi-Wan might assume he was rattled enough to be careless, but Grievous can get very angry before he gets sloppy.

The first thing to do is to get that unpredictable arm out of the way, so Obi-Wan ducks, lunges, a with a mean swipe, takes the arm off altogether.

“Soon your war will end,” he says, “but only after you’re finished.”

"Nothing can finish me, Kenobi," Grievous spits, seemingly heedless of the lost arm. "But you? You're already finished. After the war, what are you going back to?" He sweeps two of the lightsabers together in a pincher motion.

Obi-Wan jumps back. “Me? I’ve simply taken a new course. Ask yourself what need will there be for battle droids and cobbled-together monstrosities?”

Grievous laughs and rolls himself into a ball so he can barrell around Obi-Wan and attack him from behind. He succeeds in knocking Obi-Wan down, but Obi-Wan scrambles to his feet again and retreats enough to take scope of the situation.

Grievous is back upright too, slowly rotating his lightsabers. "Who are you doing this for?" he demands. "Your Jedi won't be grateful. Have you finally given in enough to admit you're doing this all for pride?"

He’s probably right about the council. They’ll probably be annoyed, whether Obi-Wan succeeds or dies. (He does not plan to die.)

He says, “You’re a plague, Grievous. And I’ve fought you too many times not to see it through.”

"Then see it through," Grievous roars, and he comes at Obi-Wan again, all three lightsabers at different angles.

Obi-Wan shuts up and fights. Grievous is furious, but Obi-Wan isn’t. He’s more clearheaded than he’s been since--since when? Since before Palpatine. Since before even he and Anakin and Padmé went into hiding on Naboo. He feels the Force moving through every particle of his being, and he remembers how to fight like he believes. 

Grievous is powerful, but he's not cautious, and he's not able to move the way Obi-Wan can. He moves in fits and starts, suddenly dangerous and then leaving himself totally open. Obi-Wan can hear his breath rasping as he wears himself out.

There’s no point in cornering Grievous, because of his ability to barrel forward from any direction, so Obi-Wan moves around him instead. It’s hard work, but he takes another arm off.

Grievous shouts in exasperation a wordless roar. He stalks forward, slashing at Obi-Wan, first with one arm, then the other.

Obi-Wan sees everything very clearly, all in a moment. If he allows Grievous to get too close, he’ll be gutted. If not--

He rips a light fixture free from the far wall and whips it towards Grievous, letting Grievous see his hand move as he does it.

Grievous slashes for Obi-Wan's hand rather than turning to see the fixture come toward him, and he's a second too slow turning back. It hits him, and he stumbles backwards, shouting with rage. 

As he stumbles, Obi-Wan gets around him, and strikes. 

It’s shocking to win.

Grievous falls to the ground in pieces, and there’s no insult, no parry, no next move. The conclusion of a battle is always sudden. Your blood and your nerves tell you to keep going, and then you’re batting at air. Now it’s only Obi-Wan, his heavy breathing, and the buzz of his lightsaber in a room that’s gone otherwise still.

Obi-Wan gives himself a few seconds to catch his breath. Maybe Grievous was right to push at Obi-Wan’s motivations. Maybe he wants something he shouldn’t have. In any case, he clips his lightsaber back to his belt, and starts looking for a box big enough to send a message home.

iv.

Anakin has never spent so much time in the library before in his life. That's where Obi-Wan spent most of the time they were separated, though, so that's where he will go. If anyone asks him if he's trying to find Obi-Wan, he'll say no, he's trying to follow Obi-Wan's research and find Dooku. Or that he was trying to find where the ancient Sith sanctuaries are, a lead based on some of Palpatine's remarks that so far has led nowhere.

However, it's the fear of someone assuming he's breaking the rules that's made him avoid asking Jocasta Nu what she knows. But his search has been fruitless enough that he's ready to try.

He immediately makes himself as charming as possible, walking up to her reference desk with a rakish smile.

"I just can't seem to stay away," he says cheerfully, by way of a greeting.

“Master Skywalker,” she greets him. Her hands rest on the desk in front of her. “I have seen quite a lot of you lately. Although we haven’t spoken much. Is today a special occasion?”

"No," Anakin says, frustrated that she's noticed and trying not to show it. "But I am looking for something I'm having trouble finding. I'm just worried you'll take the question the wrong way."

“People ask me all kinds of questions for all kinds of reasons,” Madame Jocasta says. That isn’t really a reassurance, Anakin thinks.

He leans on the desk and smiles at her. "The thing is, I need to know what Obi-Wan was working on."

Madame Jocasta doesn’t know him well enough to say, _Oh, Anakin,_ but he can tell that she would if it were appropriate. As it is, she says, “Even if other circumstances were not as they are, that was council business. Has Master Windu asked you to continue Kenobi’s research?”

"Yes," Anakin says with confidence. "He was working on something that was vital to winning the war. And even though he left us some of his research, it wasn't complete." This is not going well, he feels. She probably won't talk to Master Windu. Probably.

“He was working on a number of projects,” Madame Jocasta says. “Most of which I’m sure Master Windu was apprised of. Which one are you supposed to be looking into?”

"His research into the Sith," Anakin says, still faking confidence. That's where they should all have been focused, it's where Obi-Wan would have concentrated his energy, and it's what Anakin needs. If nothing else, it should give him an idea of what planets Obi-Wan was looking into. Just in case.

Madame Jocasta opens her mouth to answer, and from another wing of the library come Adi Gallia and Plo Koon. It could be worse; after he saved them both in that skirmish a few weeks ago, they both grew infinitesimally warmer towards him. However, just as they approach the desk, Madame Jocasta says, “I believe Kenobi was following several strands of research in that direction; I really need to hear from a member of the Council before I hand that information over to you.” Their moderately pleasant expressions harden.

"Oh, uh," Anakin says. "Thank you. Of course you do. Masters! Good morning." This couldn't look worse. There goes all of the traction he's gained.

“Master Skywalker,” Master Plo says severely. “Good afternoon.”

Master Gallia doesn't say anything; she just looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"I was trying to track down anything we might be missing in Obi-Wan's research into the Sith," Anakin says boldly. There's no point in lying. "In case it helps us find Dooku."

Madame Jocasta spins her chair slowly to look at them, as if to says, _Did the Council enable this foolish child?_

Master Plo says, “Master Windu hadn’t informed us that you’d be looking into the matter.” Which all but destroys this avenue of investigation.

"Master Windu isn't my master anymore," Anakin says, trying to keep his voice neutral. "But I can see why my help might not be appreciated in this area."

"I think you've helped enough," Adi says shortly.

Madame Jocasta says, “Perhaps you had better take this out of the library. Master Skywalker, please continue to frequent the library as often as you’d like. I hope to see you soon with the proper permissions.”

He makes himself smile at her. She's all right. This isn't her fault. He can feel the anger rising inside himself and tries to remember what Master Windu said to do with it. He follows the two masters out of the library, toward the elevator. He realizes too late that he should have thought of a reason to stay longer, but that would have looked worse. He'll have to endure the ride.

Master Plo says, stiffly, “You’ve been keeping busy, Skywalker?”

Anakin groans inwardly. "Very. Are we really going to make small talk?"

"I think you'd find it preferable to the alternative," Adi says.

“Although perhaps we should ask,” Plo says. “What _are_ you doing, following his trail?” _His_ trail, not even Obi-Wan’s name or anything.

"The same thing Obi-Wan was doing," Anakin says, deliberately. "Looking for clues. I know he gave information to the Council, but it clearly hasn't turned anything up. I thought maybe I could do better."

"Of course you did," Adi says.

Plo says, “I understood that you would be going off-planet in the morning. Should you not be preparing for that instead?”

"I am," Anakin says, starting to lose his temper. "I'm very good at multi-tasking."

“Perhaps most of all when certain other people are involved,” Plo mutters.

"I can hear you," Anakin snaps. "Say it all you want, but don't be a coward. Say it to my face. You don't know anything about it."

"Control yourself," Adi says sharply.

Plo says, “What do you think it is I don’t know, Master Skywalker?”

"You don't understand our relationship," Anakin says, already wishing he hadn't started. He's not going to be able to make them see it his way. "Being close made us stronger. It's nothing to scoff at."

“Scoff?” says Plo sharply. “No one is scoffing. We are horrified. At your selfishness. At your disregard for your order.”

Obi-Wan wouldn't want him to start a fight. He closes his eyes for a second and breathes deeply. "I just don't want you to think he's something he's not," Anakin says. "Obi-Wan is twice the Jedi anyone else on the Council is."

"Oh, stop, for your own sake," Adi says.

“He’s chosen not to be a Jedi at all,” Plo says. “And none of your romantic notions can change that.”

"And he's probably still doing more good than you are," Anakin says. He can't know that, but he has an instinct. And he knows Obi-Wan.

"If he is, it hasn't reached us," Adi says. She looks deeply unhappy to be having this conversation.

“Young man,” Plo says, condescendingly, Anakin feels, “I don’t want to fight. I respect your abilities, and that you are still here. But by holding onto this, you are risking your--”

The elevator doors open.

The elevator opens up onto the main concourse of the temple, and there, splashed with bright daylight, is a total scene. A cargo case is tipped on its side, Jedi are crowded around it talking rapid fire, and Master Windu is shouting, just shouting at whatever happens to be listening. 

“Is that—?” says Master Gallia, shocked.

Slumping out of the case and onto the floor, in several pieces, is the body of General Grievous. 

Anakin's breath stops. "Who did this?" he whispers, hope surging inside him. "Was he just left here?" Nobody can hear him, of course.

Master Plo thinks to step out of the elevator before it shuts on them. He holds the door just long enough for them to follow, and then strides towards the fray.

"What's going on here?" Anakin calls, raising his voice so it carries over everyone else's. He goes to Master Windu's side and touches his elbow. "Master?"

Master Windu’s head whips around.

“Anakin!” he says. “You really didn’t know anything about this?”

"I wish I could take credit for it, but no," Anakin says. And if nobody else knows anything about it, that means somebody not affiliated with the Jedi or the Republic is responsible.

“I wasn’t asking you to take credit,” Master Windu says. “I know who did it. He left a _note_.”

Anakin's heart leaps. "Can I see it?" 

Master Windu casts him a leery look. “Maybe later,” he says. Which means…

"Oh," Anakin says. Joy replaces the rage bubbling inside him. "Look what he did." Then, with an increased sense of urgency, he realizes Obi-Wan had to have gotten Grievous here somehow. Which means Obi-Wan could still be here. "Master," Anakin says quickly, already starting to walk away. "I need to go and see--"

“Nothing to see,” says Master Windu.

"You know he's here," Anakin says, frustrated. He's losing time. "I'm just going to catch up to him and ask if Grievous told him anything useful." So much for toeing the line to gain a little freedom of movement.

Master Windu catches his arm. “He’s not _here_ , Anakin,” he says. “This was a third-party delivery.” Anakin is very aware of the other masters watching them.

He takes a breath. No. Master Windu is right. If Obi-Wan was here, he could feel it. "Sorry, Master," he mutters. "I was overenthusiastic."

Master Windu sighs and runs a hand backwards over his bald head. “Yes, a surprising change of behavior for you,” he says. His attention snaps away, and he says, “Master Gallia. Master Plo. Glad you’re here. Help the two of us move this thing to a secure room.” He pitches his voice louder. “All the rest of you can go!”

The other masters give Anakin a wary look as the other Jedi reluctantly disperse.

Anakin gives them all a slightly manic grin. "I'm helping, Master." He feels so light.

“Yes, it’s very wonderful, come on,” Master Windu says. 

“Who—?” says Master Gallia.

“Later,” says Master Windu, trying to stuff Grievous back into his crate.

Anakin fights the absurd urge to laugh. He doesn't need to see the note (although he'll steal it later if they don't show it to him). He knows it'll be charming and pointed and possibly have a joke in it. He follows the others as they take Grievous away.

"Where are we going to keep him?" Master Plo asks. "There will be questions."

“If there’s something specific you’re trying to say,” says Master Windu, “I invite you to say it behind closed doors. Come on, down this way.”

They’re rolling down a quiet corridor when Master Gallia says, “Does Master Yoda know?”

“Master Yoda is occupied,” Master Windu says. “But yes. He knows.”

He unlocks the door to a small open room--a multipurpose room, which hasn’t been cleaned up very well by the younglings who used it last for doing their written work. Master Windu frowns, like he’s making a note to chastise some eight-year-olds later. When the door shuts, Master Gallia says, “I’m not sure how you can tell he’s really dead. Will this be safe enough?”

“He’s in multiple pieces,” says Master Windu. “And there’s a hole through his head. I think he’s dead.”

"Obi-Wan would have made sure," Anakin says. Something else occurs to him, and it deflates his buoyant mood. "You don't think he's hurt, do you?"

Master Windu says, “He was well enough to arrange all this. And to send a missive--which I do believe is really his work. It certainly sounds like him.”

Master Gallia is conspicuously silent, but as Master Windu goes on, a disapproving thinness presses her lips.

"I'd like to see it," Anakin says. "I mean, I'm sure we all would."

“Is that a good idea?” Master Gallia says to Master Windu.

“I think you’re overly concerned,” he says, a little rebuking, and she raises her eyebrows and shrugs. Master Windu, she seems to say, didn’t witness their recent conversation.

"The Council should see it, at least," Master Plo says. "It could be a hazard, Kenobi interfering in Jedi concerns without Jedi authority. Best to at least know what he’s thinking--if it gives any indication of that.”

Anakin thinks he couldn't have come up that elevator with two worse Jedi.

“And I think we can all agree that it should wait until the Council is all together,” Master Windu asks, one eyebrow raised well past natural heights.

If they wait for the Council, they’ll never let Anakin see it.

"Master," Anakin says softly.

Everything in him is willing Master Plo to ask to see it now, and he realizes he's calling on the Force for help. He stops abruptly, but Master Plo says shortly, "It's just a note. Let's see it."

“All right, all right,” says Master Windu. “Take turns.”

“I’ll wait to hear it with the Council,” Master Gallia says, crossing her arms. It’s irritating, her attitude. She’d never exactly taken their side, but she’s been acting strange--frosty--around Anakin ever since Obi-Wan left.

“That’s fine,” says Master Windu, sounding fed up. He hands the paper (paper! Harder to trace?) to Anakin. “Share,” he says.

Anakin is aware of Master Plo at his shoulder, but barely. He reaches out and he can feel a trace of Obi-Wan's presence in the note, the way his hand smoothed the paper, maybe even the way he felt when he wrote it. He has to blink hard to actually read it.

_Hello,_ it says. _I am sorry about the mess, but I thought you might require more than rumor. Please don’t detain my messenger. He had nothing to do with finding or killing Grievous, and he doesn’t know where I am by now. _

_I’m sure that my having done this won’t please everyone. But, as I am ruefully aware, the council knows there are things I cannot abandon. I hope you can trust that I will not get in the way of the Jedi--but I will do what I must do._

_With all respect, OK._

Anakin knows they're all staring at him, but he can't help gripping the paper. It's so _Obi-Wan_. He can hear him speaking every word. More painfully, he can hear how hard it is for Obi-Wan to refer to the Jedi as something separate from himself.

"Well," Master Plo says finally. "This is mostly very appropriate. I do wonder, though...Things he cannot abandon?"

“Hunting Grievous, I assume,” says Master Windu, although he is eyeing Anakin as well. “And, from the sound of it, getting _very much_ in our way without any plan of stopping.”

“I changed my mind,” Master Gallia says. “May I?” She holds her hand out for the note.

Reluctantly, Anakin hands it over. He doesn't want to let go of it. "He can't abandon his duty," he says, trying to keep his voice neutral. "I don't know that it stops with Grievous." Master Plo makes a dubious noise in the back of his throat.

Master Gallia finishes reading and says, with a little sound of frustration, “I don’t understand him at all.”

"You don't understand that he's a dedicated person who can't just stop doing the right thing because you drove him out of the club?" Anakin says sharply. He can't stop feeling the pain behind Obi-Wan's note.

“No,” she says evenly. “I can’t understand why he would give up his home and his calling and his people for you.”

Anakin stares at her. He's not even angry for himself, and for a moment, he feels exactly what she's feeling. He's _furious_ that Obi-Wan gave all of that up because of him. And he's not going to let it drive a wedge between himself and the rest of the order.

"I know," he says. "I wish he hadn't."

Her expression, always carefully maintained, flickers.

“It was not what I expected,” she says.

"Obi-Wan's dedication to the order would never have been in question," Master Plo says. "Even with the mistakes he made."

Anakin lets that go. "He _is_ dedicated. I think that's why he left. He felt like he was losing everything already." He doesn't know what's in Obi-Wan's mind for sure, and he won't until he gets him back, but he doesn't want to let this moment of connection with Master Gallia slip away. When all of this is over, he'll be glad not to have burned every bridge.

Master Gallia purses her lips and stares past Anakin in a very particular way.

“May I have that?” Master Windu says sufferingly, gesturing towards the note in Adi Gallia’s hand.

She shakes herself. “Oh? Oh. Yes, of course,” she says, and hands it back. 

“We’ll seal this room for now,” Master Windu says. “I’ll call the council directly. Anakin, be available. We may need you as well.”

Anakin bows. "Thank you, Masters," he says. He leaves before he can set everyone at odds again.

v.

Anakin is halfway down the hall, moving fast toward his speeder. He just wants to go find Padmé. She's probably in meetings, but she'll know what to do. Or at least she'll have something comforting to say that will make sense of all this. Before he gets any further, he's aware of someone following him.

He stops and whirls around, hand on his lightsaber even though he's in the Temple. But it's just Master Gallia.

She reaches him without any indication that she’s had to hurry to keep up. She’s older than she looks, but fit, and only rarely does she lose any of her cool exterior. 

“Skywalker,” she says. “Pardon me for chasing you down. I wonder if you have a minute to talk.” 

"Of course," he says, because it's the right thing to say, and he's still on autopilot, being good. It depends what she wants to talk about. Maybe he'll have to yell at her, or storm out.

She turns and finds a bench against the wall, and nods towards it. “Have a seat?” she suggests.

Anakin sits, gathering his robes around himself. His mind isn't here; it's with Obi-Wan, wherever he is. If she asks him about Obi-Wan, he's going to scream.

She doesn’t ask, not at first. She says, “I don’t think you know that I was there when Obi-Wan made his decision to leave the order.” 

That gets his attention. "I didn't," he says. "I...Look, I realize the Council is doing their best to make sure I don't know anything about him, but would you be willing to say more?" He tells himself she wouldn't have brought it up otherwise.

She hesitates, then gives a single decisive nod. “It was after the meeting that made you a master,” she says. “His behavior was not good that day, and I told him so.”

Anakin feels a curl of anger in his gut and tries to will it away. "And then he left?" The bigger question in his mind, though, is whether it was his fault for becoming a master.

She nods. She says, “Something like that. I want to...apologize. Because I believe I misunderstood some things.”

Anakin swallows. "Oh," he says. "What things?" Getting an apology out of a Jedi master is almost unheard of.

“I told him that I thought he was being childish,” she says. “I thought he was being self-pitying and refusing to take his duties seriously.”

"That's not Obi-Wan at all," Anakin says forcefully. "You've known him so long, how could you even have thought that?"

She fixes him with a look. “I’ve known him a lot longer than you have, Skywalker.”

"And you were still wrong," Anakin says. "You said you were wrong. What did he say to you?" He still isn't completely sure why Obi-Wan left.

She frowns, as if she isn’t sure exactly at what point she should cut him off from the information he’s starving for. 

“Well,” she says, “he told me off, that’s one thing.”

_Good_. Anakin forces himself to sit back and ask calmly. "Did he tell you why he was leaving? I know that's not my business, but I think the whole Council has been curious. Do you know something they don't?"

“I told them what happened,” she says, “but I think I may have told the story wrong. I thought--well. You’ve already told me your opinion on my interpretation of things.” 

"I'm sorry," Anakin says, closing his eyes briefly and trying to remember Master Windu's teaching. Trying to remember Obi-Wan's teaching, which he never listened to. "I'm listening."

Master Gallia sighs. “I thought he was being stubborn,” she says. “I thought he was abandoning the spirit of his duty to nurse hurt feelings over something he shouldn’t have done to begin with. But now I think he was doing his best, and his best couldn’t fix what was broken.”

Anakin swallows. His throat hurts with how much he wants to cry, but he's afraid that would make her stop telling him things. Obi-Wan is so good. Obi-Wan is so _stupid_. "He always did his best," he says. "As a Jedi and a master and everything else."

“I apologize,” Master Gallia says, “because even if we couldn’t approve of what you two have done--asking the two of you to bury your feelings was a mistake. It’s not the Jedi way. And it has cost all of us.”

It's so much what Obi-Wan would want to hear that Anakin has to blink back tears. It's not what he wants to hear--it's too late for that--but he still appreciates the concession. He wasn't sure the masters were capable of those.

"Thank you," he makes himself say. "I don't think anyone wanted this." Except, he reminds himself, for Palpatine.

Master Gallia makes a noise that’s neither here nor there. “Least of all Obi-Wan, I realize now,” she says. “Or he wouldn’t be sending us gift-wrapped generals and...cheeky notes. I can’t speak for the Council, Anakin, only for myself. But for myself, I’m sorry. I don’t approve, but it shouldn’t have gone like this.”

Sorry doesn't mean much to Anakin. Obi-Wan is gone. But he tries to take it in the spirit it was intended. "It shouldn't," he says softly. "And all we can really do is try to be the kind of Jedi he was."

“Perhaps,” says Master Gallia. “Anakin--you and I have rarely been on the same side of an argument. But you belong here. If you need the support of your fellow Jedi to keep you here, you only need to ask.”

"Thank you," Anakin says, unable to explain that that's not what he needs. He needs to right a wrong, and that's what the Jedi are supposed to be all about. If they're not, he's going to have to bend the rules a little. "Master Windu has been a great help," he adds, which is true. His anger doesn't feel like such a heavy burden anymore, after he's worked with Master Windu to control it.

She nods. “Well,” she says. “That was all I had to say. Good day, Master Skywalker.” She gets up from the bench, bows, and takes her leave with the kind of speed that Jedi only demonstrate when they’re running into a fight or away from their emotions.

vi.

Anakin is in his speeder, flying for home, when he gets the call to come back. He dives straight down and wrenches the speeder around, cursing. What does the Council want him for? Is Yoda suspicious? He's doing the right thing for once, so he isn't looking forward to being blamed for anything.

He arrives in the Council chambers flushed and breathless, ready to argue. 

Yoda looks up, unhurried, at his arrival. 

“Young Skywalker,” he says. The eyes of all the council fall on Anakin, and a couple council members shift in their seats.

"Masters," Anakin says, trying to calm his breathing. "I didn't think I'd be needed." He tries not to look at Master Windu. Hopefully they'll all understand that he's _trying_ to behave.

“You may not be,” says Master Mundi. “But this morning’s excitement has raised a few questions. We’d be remiss to assume you couldn’t answer any of them.”

_I thought you might get me out of this_ , Anakin wants to say to Master Windu. "I can try," he says instead.

Master Luminara (who doesn’t look any less coolly at him for being blue) says, “We want to confirm that you had no knowledge related to General Grievous’s death and arrival on Coruscant. Did you know _anything_?”

"No," Anakin says, and it's a huge relief to be able to be honest. The harder part is that he has to convince them. "Why would I?"

"Well, don't be obtuse," Shaak Ti says.

"I don't know anymore than you do," Anakin says, keeping his voice even.

“No one is accusing you of contacting Obi-Wan,” Master Mundi says. “But he really hasn’t contacted you? Not before, or since?”

"No" Anakin says. "Not since he left. Not since a while before that." He hopes his voice doesn't sound as bad as he thinks it does. It hurts immensely that Obi-Wan seems to have simply walked away without a thought.

“After you were separated?” Luminara asks, frowning.

"Ask Master Windu," Anakin says sharply.

Master Windu clears his throat, looking embarrassed and troubled. "To my knowledge, both Anakin and Obi-Wan followed the rules we laid down faultlessly."

Luminara leans back. “I was only seeking clarity.”

Adi Gallia says, “I believe they haven’t been in contact.” Her eyes meet Anakin. “The argument we are having now is over what he is doing, and what we should be doing about it. Maybe you have insight.”

Anakin wants to shout at them. He wants to say that if he had any idea where Obi-Wan was, he'd be there, not here. He wants to say that he thought he knew Obi-Wan, and now he's been abandoned. "You want my help?" he says thickly. It comes out sounding confrontational.

"I know you must feel….a certain way about Master Kenobi," Master Fisto says. He looks as though he has no idea what way that would be. "And about us. But you have a duty."

Master Plo shifts in his seat. “Master Kenobi,” he repeats. “I’m afraid, Kit, that this is the problem. He’s not a master anymore. So what is he doing?”

“You make it sound so menacing,” says Master Gallia. “We all read the note. We all know him in his saner moments. How likely is it that any of this is meant to be threatening, really?”

Anakin wants to snap Master Plo in half. Out of consideration for the others, he doesn't. "I think he's trying to protect the galaxy," he says. "You know. Like he does." That part isn't a mystery.

“He’s making things difficult for us,” Luminara says. “He’s an unknown factor.”

“He’s effective,” says Adi.

“If he wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter what he was trying to do,” Luminara shoots back.

"Does it matter?" Master Windu asks. "We don't have the power to stop him, and we're not going to waste resources on trying. Dooku is still out there. We could use the help, welcome or not."

“If we get in each other’s way, it’s hardly help,” says Plo. “Despite what Adi might think, I don’t see Obi-Wan as an enemy. But out of touch as we are, his….continued enthusiasm for the war could prove incredibly dangerous.”

"So what's our other option? Get in touch with him?" Kit looks repulsed, and it makes Anakin's blood boil.

“He chose to leave,” says Luminara. 

“No one is asking him to come back,” says Adi.

Words are being flung back and forth more and more quickly, and the council don’t look as collected as they did when Anakin walked in. He thinks that they don’t really remember he’s here, or they wouldn’t be saying half this stuff. 

Master Windu isn't saying anything, but he is watching the others. He looks both frustrated and defeated. They've all seemed a little defeated since Obi-Wan left.

"We should send him a warning," Shaak Ti says, raising her voice above the others. "Make it clear his help isn't wanted. He'll respect that."

Yoda stirs. “Not wanted, is it?” Like most things Yoda says, it feels like a test. Everyone in the room seems to know it.

"Not from him," Kit says finally, reluctantly.

"But if it were anyone else?" Anakin hears himself say. "Masters, this is work that needs to be done. I'm not sure we're in a position to critique where help comes from right now."

“Not that you’re likely to critique Obi-Wan in any case?” Adi suggests, but for once there’s no edge to her voice.

"No," Anakin says. "I'm not." It's not the point, though, and at least Adi and Mace know that. The truth is, right now he doesn't know what to think of Obi-Wan. He feels so resentful and lonely every time he thinks of him at all.

Adi says, “I think that makes you different from everyone else here.”

Luminara, sounding so formal that she must be stung, says, “None of us have betrayed our faith and left. Surely that’s worthy of some critique.”

"It's a separate issue from the one we're discussing," Mace says, to Anakin's huge relief. He doesn't need to get in a fight with Luminara. "That issue has already been resolved."

“Leaving aside all this drama,” says Master Mundi, drawing a few ugly looks from around the room, “I think all we want to know is how to reach him, if it becomes necessary to do. So, young man, for our sake, and his: do you have any idea where he’d go, if not here?”

Anakin takes a moment to decide how honest to be. For a second, he feels like he's in a room of peers. "I don't," he says. "Masters, I've been trying to understand why he left. I've been trying to find out where he'd go. Not because I want to follow him, but because it doesn't make sense to me. But I'm not any closer to finding out then I was when he left."

Maybe the honesty is a mistake, because the atmosphere in the room suddenly shifts to a horrible blend of tension and pity. 

Yoda says, “No planets you have visited? No stories he told?”

"Too many to count," Anakin says. "Where would I begin?"

“Perhaps,” says Master Mundi, “with the ones he loved?”

That's a thought, and not one Anakin wants to examine too closely here and now. If there is a lead buried somewhere, he wants to find it on his own time so he can follow up on it alone. "Perhaps," he says with what he hopes is finality. "But I'd rather accept that he doesn't want to be found."

Yoda’s ears swivel forward. He says, “Thank you, Master Skywalker, for your patience with us. You may go.”

Anakin bows, and when he stands up, he smiles at Yoda. He can't stop himself. He leaves the meeting feeling lighter than he has in weeks. Of course. Obi-Wan has friends everywhere. It will take time, but Anakin will find him.

vii.

Obi-Wan knows that he’s no longer an arm of the military, and vice versa; but part of his plan involves really getting things done, and not getting in the way, and he finds that he feels far less shame about calling on his old military connections than he would for calling on the Jedi. It’s less of a breach of faith, and more of a...transfer. So when he’s left Nield on Melidaan and tackled his first little battle, he makes a call. He shouldn’t be able to. He doesn’t fully expect an answer, and he expects even less should the call be picked up.

Cody flickers to life in front of him, helmet off, looking deeply suspicious. "Oh!" he says when he sees that it's Obi-Wan. "You got through." He sounds more impressed than anything else.

“You picked up,” Obi-Wan says. “How are you, my friend?”

Cody smiles. "Better for having seen you. It's chaos around here, General." He catches himself too late. "I mean--Kenobi?"

“I think we’re past all formality now,” Obi-Wan says. “You can call me Obi-Wan, if your good manners will let you.”

"Think I can manage that," Cody says. He peers at Obi-Wan through the transmission. "So how are you really?"

“Trying to keep busy,” says Obi-Wan. “Why, don’t you trust me to take care of myself?”

"Can't say you were especially good at it before," Cody says. "And now you haven't got General Skywalker to watch your back." Cody has never been one to mince words.

Obi-Wan sighs. “You’re right. But I’m aware of the limits to my current resources. I’m being cautious.”

"Which is what brings us to this conversation?" Cody suggests. "You know I can't share any military details.”

Whiteligerscubss

“I would never ask you to,” Obi-Wan says. “But I thought I might share some details with you. If you were interested, and thought you could get away with using them.”

Cody is silent. Then he says, "You know, a lot of the men don't agree with what happened to you. They think it's unfair, and a bad move if we want to win the war, too."

Obi-Wan says. “Oh. Thank you, Cody. I--wasn’t sure what had made it into your ears.”

"Well, we heard you were kicked out for breaking their rules," Cody says carefully. "But to be honest, a few of us already knew about you and General Skywalker."

“ _Oh,”_ says Obi-Wan. He can’t think of what to say after it.

"No offense," Cody says. "I didn't want to say anything. But since it's out now, I'll just say I think the Jedi lost a good man over it, and they'll be lucky if they don't lose more."

“Well, I--appreciate your high opinion of me,” Obi-Wan says. He thinks he makes it clear that there isn’t anything else to say about it. “So who is leading you all these days? It had better be someone good.”

"General Fisto, at the moment," Cody says, straightfaced.

“Ah, Kit,” says Obi-Wan. “He’d been wanting a legion of his own. He couldn’t have done better than you.”

"We'll try to make him proud, I'm sure," Cody says noncommittally. "So, what it is it you've got, then? Secret intelligence on Count Dooku? Separatist battle plans? It'd better be good if I'm going to risk using it."

“I’m afraid it’s nothing grand or brilliant,” Obi-Wan says. “But I’ve just taken care of a big mess, and I think that has pushed my current resources to their limits. Since then I've found a little mess or two, and I thought that if it was convenient, you might like to come sweep up. I’m happy to help you think up a good reason that you should know anything about it, of course.”

"I heard about Grievous," Cody says.

"Ah, well then," says Obi-Wan.

"You're a treasure," Cody says. "Don't you worry, I'll think of something."

“I have absolute faith that you will,” says Obi-Wan, trying not to be pleased and comforted by the endearment. “To the point: I have a spice trader who’s expanded into weapons smuggling, and is dealing with the separatists on a Republic outpost.”

Cody nods. "Useful indeed. You know where to send the details." He pauses. "Maybe when things have calmed down a bit, they'll learn to appreciate the help."

“I won’t live in hope,” Obi-Wan says. “But I don’t need to. There’s plenty to do without worrying about what’s done.”

"Mm," Cody says. "Well, stay in touch. We need the help, and I daresay you do, too."

Obi-Wan knows he means more than for Obi-Wan to drop him tips, and he’s terribly grateful for it. He’s so grateful that he decides not to get any of his sloppy emotions on someone who’s helping him out and being a great friend besides. He just says, “Take care of yourself, Cody.”

"And you," Cody says. "And do call me up again. I mean that." He smiles at Obi-Wan like nothing has changed and ends the transmission.


	5. Sith

i.

They don’t know which member of the Council slipped it to whom--maybe a Padawan, maybe a friend, maybe one of those lovers that other people get away with. Whoever it is, rumors of Anakin and Padmé’s marriage have taken root, and spread very, very fast. Padmé realizes when the senator from Pantora very anxiously asks her if she can ask something personal, “It’s just that I’ve heard a few people say--and if you’re involved with a Jedi, that might not look so good.”

The senator from Pantora is actually a lovely person, and Padmé is grateful for the warning, but she has to find a solitary place and growl into her palms for a few seconds before she calls Anakin. Thank goodness he’s on Coruscant. 

“Ani,” she says, “I think we need to address ourselves to the public.”

Anakin groans. "You finally want to, just when I'm sick of everyone talking about my business? Well, it's about time, anyway."

“Oh, this isn’t a whim of mine,” she says. “Someone on your end must have slipped up and forgotten what _stays with the Council and only the Council_ means, because my fellow senators are suddenly telling me I’m married.”

"Oh," Anakin says. There's a brief silence. "Everyone one of them is as bad as us, or worse. I'm sorry. I know that's not how you would have wanted people to hear." She can hear his voice become muffled and then clear. It sounds as if he's moving around the room, or changing his clothes. "Who do we have to appease?"

“I don’t know yet,” she says. “But I want to talk to Bail. I mean, Chancellor Organa. Worst case scenario, I want to warn him before Palpatine’s side start accusing him of collaborating with us to unseat Palpatine.” She knows he doesn’t think that will happen, but politics are her arena and she’s not new or naive enough to think an affair is ever less than ammunition.

"I'm on my way," he says. "I'll convince him that my motives were purely sexual." He's been in an aggressively good mood since General Grievous's defeat.

Which is lovely.

“Anakin!” Padmé says, a little short-tempered.

"I know, I know," he says. "I'll play politics." He disconnects.

Padmé calls Bail, and hopes he’s in his office and _unoccupied_ when Anakin waltzes in. Fortunately, he answers, and says he has time for her. She tucks all her details into place and heads to his office, hoping for the best.

He greets them graciously enough, but he looks troubled. "It's not often I see both of you in here together," he says, like it's a question.

“Yes,” says Padmé slowly. “And thank you, for seeing us. There’s just--a situation that has come to light, and now that it’s public I want you to be prepared. In case the reaction is ugly.”

Bail frowns. "I've heard the rumors," he says. "But I'm not interested in rumor. I'd like to hear it from you. Please, sit."

Anakin doesn't.

Padmé jabs him in the spine and sits, gracefully. 

Anakin sits next to her. "The rumors are true," he says. "We're married. But you don't have to get us a gift."

Bail's frown deepens. "Padmé?" he asks.

“Yes,” she says. “For--quite some time. For two years.”

"You never said," Bail says. He sounds wounded. "I mean, I can see why, of course--but you didn't trust me."

Padmé feels immediately awful about it.

“Anakin is a Jedi,” she says. “It would be easy to treat us like we were married. If you knew. And he’s a Jedi.”

"I understand the complications," he says. He shakes his head. "It's just--an unhappy situation. And it looks worse now."

"It doesn't need to," Anakin says sharply. "We don't need to cater to conspiracy theorists."

“You may not,” says Bail. “But your wife does. The senate is more than conspiracy theorists. It’s the blameless representatives of entire worlds who have no reason to believe that Palpatine did anything wrong--because to them, he looked like a guiding light, and now he’s hidden away where no one can find him, _by the Jedi_ , and one of the Jedi who helped kidnap him is married to the new Chancellor’s friend, Padmé Amidala. Yes, I think some of us have to worry, just a little.”

Anakin doesn't actually respond immediately, which for him, is rare. Finally he says, "Sorry, Chancellor. I see your point. I think we're here for damage control."

“Ah,” says Bail. “I thought you might like my congratulations.”

Padmé says, “I’m _sorry,”_ and he waves it off.

“I understand why you did what you did. And I do congratulate you, both. But I don’t know what--”

He’s interrupted as a message comes through, calling Anakin’s name in a burst of distortion and alarm. Padmé jumps, and says, “What’s--?”

"I don't know," Anakin says, shooting to his feet. "Come in. Come in!"

It takes Padmé a few words to recognize Master Windu’s voice. “Are you alone?” He’s practically shouting.

"No," Anakin says. "With the Chancellor and Padmé. What is it?" He glances at Padmé, waves of worry rolling off him.

“ _Fine,_ good enough. Palpatine’s dead.”

Padmé says, more of an inward gasp, “What?” and Bail half rises from his seat.

"Dead?" Anakin repeats numbly. He sounds very far away. "How?"

“Someone _assassinated him, that’s how,”_ says Windu. “And whoever they are, they’re still down here! Piell and Di are dead. We need you down here!”

"I have to go," Anakin tells Padmé unnecessarily. "Stay here and stay safe. Master, I'm on my way!"

As he vanishes out the door, Padmé turns to Bail, stunned. 

"Who would be so desperate to kill Palpatine that they would murder two Jedi to do it?" he asks.

“Whoever it is, they _have_ to catch them,” Padmé says. “The assassin has to be forced to confess.”

Only now does her heart start kicking up its beat. Palpatine-- _dead_. And Anakin is hunting the person who did it. There is no such thing as a safe moment for a Jedi, and Padmé knows it, but--the Jedi who are dead weren’t less experienced than Anakin. Palpatine wasn’t completely helpless, was he? Padmé realizes she can still be afraid of Anakin dying.

"It will be all right," Bail says firmly. "Anakin and the others will take care of this." He locks the door, though. "And then--well, any conspiracies regarding your marriage will probably dissipate quickly now."

“What a relief,” says Padmé. She thinks her eyes are a little wide, looking at him. 

"Anakin has good people on his side," Bail says. "And Palpatine's enemy may not be Anakin's. Despite what may have happened to the other Jedi."

“I appreciate your efforts at allaying my fears,” Padmé says. She takes a deep breath, and sighs. “Do you have anything to drink? You can ask me anything you want and I’ll practically answer.”

Without speaking, Bail goes to a cabinet and pours her a drink. He raises his glass to her, a little grimly, and says, "I like Anakin, but really, why him?"

“ _I like Anakin._ You started out so nicely,” she says, tipping her glass towards him and then taking a sip. “He’s--well, it was probably a little foolish. I think he swept me off my feet. But if I hadn’t already married him and he asked me now, I would say yes even faster.” She tries to marshal her feelings into something that makes sense when she says it out loud.

He nods slowly. "Did you realize, at the time, how politically devastating it could be under the right circumstances? As I understand it, he isn't even allowed to do it."

Padmé resists the urge to bite her lip. Bail is a friend. An old friend, a real friend.

She says, “He’s not. And I didn’t. At the time, those circumstances didn’t seem possible. He did.”

"Love is…" He shakes his head. "It makes us do thoughtless things. And I think we're probably better for it. I'm glad you have someone. Even if he's a rash young man." He smiles at her, and even though he looks tired, it's a genuine smile.

“Thank you, Bail,” she says. “I know it’s not ideal for you. I promise I won’t let it ruin anything we’re working toward.”

"That's quite a promise," he says, but he lets it lie. "Well, in future, don't feel you have to keep these things from me. I've broken a number of rules in my time."

She says, practically laughing, “Well, the next time I--” and then realizes what she’s saying and sags a little in her seat. The next time she gets involved with a Jedi.

"You're worried about him?" Bail asks.

For a second Padmé thinks he reads minds and is talking about Obi-Wan, and she jumps in her seat out of surprise and guilt. Then her mind clears, and she’s able to say, “I’m a little worried. I don’t--they killed _Palpatine._ And two other Jedi.”

"Anakin is very, very good," Bail says with certainty. "The best thing we can do is stay here and keep ourselves safe."

“I suppose that’s true,” Padmé says. “Although it does get tiring sometimes.”

Or, _the next time I get married._ Well, obviously they weren’t anywhere close to something like that. But for a second she _forgot_ , and that feels terrible. Worse, even with the open invitation she has no intention of saying anything about Obi-Wan to Bail, her real, good friend.

Bail comes to sit beside her. "I can tell you're still worried," he says. "That's fine. I'll keep you occupied with Senate gossip, how does that sound?" He has no idea, but he's very kind.

“Wonderful,” she says. She sips her drink, which burns on the way down. “Tell me the worst things you know that aren’t about me.”

ii.

Palpatine is--was--being held far below the Jedi Temple. It’s not far from Bail Organa’s offices, but it feels too far, even at Anakin’s highest speed. Every second between him and Master Windu feels like a second in which answers slip away and someone else dies. No one contacts him, but what does that mean? They could already be dead, murdered one at a time in the labyrinth of cells and secrets. 

He’s well underground when Master Windu comms him again.

“Anakin,” he says. “You’re close? She’s somewhere in the south wing. I think she’s making her way up to the temple. I don’t know what she’s planning to do, but we should _not_ assume it’ll be a clean escape!”

Anakin's heart thuds in his chest. "Coming. Do we know who she is? Her affiliation? Anything?" Their best hope is that she's a bounty hunter. She probably won't kill anyone who isn't in her way.

“We’ve got nothing concrete,” says Mace. “But she’s using lightsabers.”

"Got it," Anakin says, and he signs off. That still doesn't tell them enough. All kinds of people can get their hands on lightsabers. Grievous did. He reaches out with the Force and tries to find the dissonance that would be someone breaking into the Temple. He pelts through chamber after chamber, chasing wisps of what feeling like an intruder should feel.

There it is--only four corridors away from him, moving fast, laced with traces of victory, fury, and focus.

Anakin cuts across a corridor, catching up. He can feel that it's someone force-sensitive. Who would kill Palpatine and two Jedi? Lungs burning, he puts on a burst of speed. She can't reach the Temple and the younglings. Then he rounds the counter and almost collides with her.

He hears her snarl and sees the flash of her lightsabers--curved handles, red blades--before he sees her. In the second moment he takes in gray skin, glittering eyes, long limbs thrashing towards him in an attack.

Anakin reacts, thumbing his lightsaber on just in time to block hers. All he can think is, _There are only supposed to be two._ She's fast, at least as fast as he is.

"Hold on," he shouts, trying to catch his breath. "I just want to talk!"

She practically screams at him, shoving him backwards so hard his back hits the wall.

“I don’t have anything to say to Jedi,” she hisses. “And now he won’t either.”

Anakin keeps moving, leaping for her with his lightsaber raised. "If you're his enemy, you might not be mine," he says.

She laughs, swinging to block his lightsaber with one of hers, and sending the other flying towards his waist.

Anakin has to do a backwards somersault to avoid it. "Why did you kill him?" he demands. It comes out more plaintive than he means it to.

“Oh, are you sad?” she says, a little dig in the last word that cuts straight into him. “You’re Anakin Skywalker, aren’t you?” Lightsabers clash and hiss; when he pushes the advantage, she jumps back.

"You can call me Master Skywalker," he says to cover the fact that her words sting. He is sad. He shouldn't be, but he is. He's also quickly realizing that he's a better fighter than she is. He could run her down right down, get her against a wall and end things.

She says, “I’ve heard a lot about you!” and lunges towards him with a shout.

Anakin stumbles and barely manages to fling himself sideways with the Force. He regains his footing and forces himself to stay on the defensive. He wants to be a Jedi about this. Truly. He grabs for his commlink as he fights, but he can't take his hand off his lightsaber for long enough.

"Where's Dooku?" he demands.

“I truly couldn’t say,” she tells him. “But wherever he is, he’s very happy with his student. Not so your master, hmm?” She slices at his legs, then stumbles away with an angry noise when he strikes back.

So she is a Sith, or something like one. He presses his advantage, wiping away any grief or anger and thinking instead of Obi-Wan. "Dooku isn't very loyal to his master, is he?" he says.

“He was a Sith,” she says, as if he’s said something incredibly stupid. “A Sith who lost. We couldn’t afford his secrets spilling out all over the senate floor. Or all over the Jedi Temple.” She comes up against the wall with a jolt, moving away from him so quickly that she’s lost track of where she is. “But that won’t happen with me!”

"You've told me all I need to know," Anakin says. "Which means you're not very useful." He can't. Of course he can't. But he can let her think he would. He holds his lightsaber in front of him like a bar.

She sneers. “Oh, what will you do? _I_ think you’ll try to kill me. _I_ think he turned you to the Dark Side, sure enough--he just didn’t do a very good job.” She strikes fast, at his right.

It's all of his private fears of the past few months spoken by a stranger. Anakin misses his footing again and falls to his knees, lightsaber raised.

She raises her lightsabers high, then swings them down with so much power that Anakin’s is knocked out of his hand.

He scrambles backwards. He underestimated her, and the corridors here are too clean for him to find anything to use as a weapon. He rolls away and desperately pulls his lightsbaer toward him with the force, hoping against hope that it isn't broken.

He swings it up to block her just in time. 

“Fight dirty,” she says. “You know you want to. Or don’t--and die!” She disengages and stabs down towards his gut. 

Anakin shoves her with the Force, propelling her toward the ceiling. _I am a Jedi_ , he tells himself. _Like my master._

She screams with anger and writhes in midair. 

“What’s that?” she cries. “What’s _this_? You child! You _failure._ Not Sith, or Jedi, you’re nothing!”

"Is that how you see yourself?" Anakin says. His voice is steady. With his free hand, he takes out his commlink and calls Master Windu.

“Anakin! What’s your condition?”

"I have her!" Anakin says quickly. "But I need backup. She's powerful."

“On our way!” Master Windu says, and cuts out.

That leaves the two of them staring at one another, panting, Force against Force.

Because Anakin always has to open his mouth, he says, "You've done the Republic a favor, you know."

She hisses. “We don’t need him to carry out our war.”

"Just Dooku?" Anakin asks. "Where's he hiding out, like a coward?" He shouldn't have called Master Windu. He could have gotten a lot of information out of her, given enough time. But that wouldn't be doing things right.

She snarls and fights the air. “Let me down and fight me!” she says. 

"I am fighting you," Anakin says. "You're just losing." He can feel her pushing back against him, but this time he's definitely stronger. He's more sure of himself now. "Will Dooku be showing up here next?"

“I’ll kill you!” she spits. “My master took your arm but I’ll take the rest!” She swipes a hand across the air and the Force hits Anakin in the ribs.

His breath is knocked out of him, but he keeps his focus. She slides down the wall a little, but she isn't able to touch the ground.

"Who are you?" he asks.

“I am apprentice to Lord Tyrannus,” she says. “And his successor.” She hurls herself against his power with a scream. “I heard you thought he cared for you,” she says. “But they never do. That’s not what we are for.”

And against everything both sides claim, that's the difference between the Jedi and the Sith. "I know," Anakin says calmly, holding her still. Obi-Wan cares. Even Master Windu cares. That may not be what the Jedi are supposed to do, but they do it anyway.

She screams in anger, very still, and says, “You’ll tire out eventually! And _if_ you beat me you’ll still have been the one who was abandoned by two masters. What’s it like, Skywalker, to be so unbearable that neither dark nor light can stand to be near you?

It's so clearly designed to hurt, and so it shouldn't, but the past few months have been very difficult. Anakin doesn't waver, but he does have to blink hard to keep grief and fury from blurring his focus.

"I'm a master now," he says softly. "And I know the Jedi won't abandon me." Against all odds, that seems to be true.

“Not until the day you show your true nature,” she says.

"I'll bet you'd like that," Anakin says. He's so tempted to crush her windpipe with the force so she'll stop talking, but he doesn't.

“It will eat at you, abiding by their limitations, until one day you can’t stand it any longer,” she says. “Someday you’ll take your power back, and you’ll destroy everything you’ve told yourself you’re going to _protect_.”

It's so easy for Anakin to believe. He can feel resentment that's been building against the Jedi since they separated him from Obi-Wan, and again since Obi-Wan left. But he can also feel the way Obi-Wan was so proud of him when they faced Palpatine, and the pain and fear in his eyes when Anakin found him.

"Master Windu!" he shouts. "This way!"

“Anakin!” comes Master Windu’s voice, and a moment later he and three other Jedi--Masters Ti, Plo, and Luminara--burst through the door.

“Oh, well done,” says Master Ti. She holds up a hand and Anakin can feel her strength take over from him. Master Plo gestures, and the Sith’s lightsabers fall to the floor, cold.

Anakin drops to his knees to catch his breath. His arms are shaking. The strain of holding her up coupled with the strain of blocking out her words seems suddenly exhausting "She's Dooku's apprentice," he says when he gets his breath back.

“I see,” says Master Windu. He turns to her, bending down briefly to pick up the lightsabers. “You have a name?”

“Ventress,” she says. “Who are you?”

Master Windu makes a derisive sound. “Luminara,” he says, and Master Luminara comes forward to cuff her. 

“That won’t be enough,” she says harshly.

“Probably not,” says Master Windu. “But we’ll figure out the rest. I’m not particularly fond of people who kill Jedi.”

“You have a code,” she says.

“I have a limited amount of patience,” says Master Windu. To the Jedi, he says, “All of you, come with me. We’re taking her back to the cells.”

iii.

It’s been one week since the Jedi arrested Asajj Ventress, and Padmé is endlessly busy with work. The good thing is, they’re letting the Senate see this one. The bad thing is, the Senate is reacting to what they see. It means that she has a great many thoughts and not a lot she wants to say as she sits in her office with Mace Windu, both of them waiting for Anakin.

“You’re well, I hope,” she says. They’re sitting around her little refreshments table, which has three seats and is designed for comfortable conversation. This is not one.

"Mm," he says grimly. "I'm not sure how well any of us are right now. Tell me honestly, what _is_ the general feeling in the Senate?"

“They’re more inclined to believe that Palpatine was a Sith, now that one has killed him,” she says. She manages to say those words without wavering, even though it’s still strange that her colleague, from home, her old ally, was a liar and a monster and now a victim of murder. “Of course it’s not that simple. People will argue facts out of nowhere if the truth makes them uncomfortable. But I think you’re right to air Ventress out a little.”

"We handled Palpatine badly," Windu admits. "All this makes me miss the days when Jedi didn't have to play political games. But Anakin did well, with Ventress."

“Politically?” she shoots back, more combative than she should be. She can’t help it. She sees Anakin at home, where for all the good he’s doing and all the good he wants to do, he’s still sad and exhausted and lonely. She can’t fill up the place that’s gone vacant, and neither can Master Windu’s respect.

"As a Jedi," Master Windu says sharply. "Which is all he should be worrying about at the moment. He's managed to rise above any associations people might have with him." Does he mean Palpatine? Obi-Wan? Her?

“I would think so,” she says smoothly. “Considering that he’s been responsible for most of your recent victories. Not Grievous, of course.” She raises her teacup to her mouth.

Master Windu stews in silence for a moment, drinking his tea. Then he says, "I know Anakin hasn't heard from Kenobi. Have you?"

It’s good that the simple truth is that she hasn’t, because it comes out easily. “No,” she says. “I wish I had.” 

She will. She’s getting close--has followed Grievous to a ship and the ship was one she knew, and what her acquaintances on Findar could tell her, she followed to a dozen other quietly waged battles. He was winning them, she knew, but she also knows how much Anakin hates it that he’s fighting them alone. She’s tried to tell him that Obi-Wan has friends with him--she’s beginning to suspect the identities of more of those friends. But friends who aren’t Anakin aren’t enough.

Mace Windu looks like he wants to ask something else, but he doesn't. Finally he says, "If you do, it might be useful for us to know. Just so we're not working at cross purposes."

“I doubt anything that he and I had to say to one another would be of any interest to the Jedi,” she says. Maybe a few things, like what massive headache for the Republic he plans on sweeping up next. But mostly she wants to say other things. _Where are you, are you all right, why won’t you come home, Anakin needs you, you would be proud, you don’t deserve this, we miss you so much._

"Maybe not," he says. He sips his tea. "I can't imagine you think much of the Jedi right now, Senator."

“Master Yoda hasn’t mentioned our--conversation?” she says. It’s been ages, but she remembers it very clearly. 

"Master Yoda doesn't like to share anything with anyone if he can help it," Master Windu says. He looks tired and frustrated. "Did you yell at him?" There's a flicker of a smile.

“I said a few things I doubt you’d like,” she says. “But I’ll repeat them if you’d like to hear it.”

"I've always valued honesty," Master Windu says. He sets his teacup down and sits back, legs crossed.

“Hmm,” she says. She doesn’t put her cup down. She looks straight at him and says, “You didn’t treat Anakin and Obi-Wan the same and you know it.”

"Mm," Master Windu says, frowning. "Because we had different initial expectations of them. But in fairness to us, we didn't throw Obi-Wan out. He chose to leave."

“Different initial expectations,” she repeats. The words make her angry and aching and worried all at once. “You mean Anakin could do something as heinous and indiscreet as marry a woman and you’d shrug it off for political convenience. But you actually took pride in Obi-Wan, so he hurt your feelings by having some of his own. You didn’t punish him because he was in the wrong. You punished him because you wanted him to hurt.”

Master Windu gets to his feet in a great sweeping motion. "This conversation is over," he says. "I wouldn't expect you to understand or respect the Jedi way."

She has hit a nerve. 

“Obviously I don’t agree with all of your tenets,” she says, “or I _wouldn’t_ have married him. But if your tenets drive away someone who loves you like Obi-Wan does, maybe you should question them too. He did his duty. He did everything right. He even tried to give everything up for you.” 

"And now he's given us up as well," Master Windu says harshly.

“And he’s still doing your work,” Padmé says. “Alone. Because he _loves you.”_ She wants to shout something about Anakin, but he wouldn’t appreciate it. He’s worked so hard.

"I know." Master Windu looks pained. "I know he does. Excuse me. I don't think discussing this further is going to do anyone any good."

“Anakin,” she says. “He’ll be here in a moment. Please, have your tea.” She feels very tired. Obi-Wan is just out of reach, but once she finds him--then what? What will change?

Master Windu sighs and sits down again. "I'm not an enemy," he says.

“It’s a wound,” she says, pouring him more tea. “I just wish I knew who was going to heal it. I think--I think that’s what Obi-Wan is trying to do. Is it working at all?”

Master Windu is silent for a long moment. He's usually the one doing the talking, while Yoda is more meditative, so it's strange to see him so still. "I don't know," he says finally. "I don't suppose we'll know until all of this plays out. But you're not the only one who wants Obi-Wan back."

_Then why?_ she wants to shout in his face. If everyone misses him so terribly and loves him so much, why won’t they just beg him to come back and give him what he needs to be happy? What’s the point of rules that do this? It makes her furious.

She hasn’t yet come up with an appropriate response when Anakin walks through the door without preamble or invitation.

"Padmé?" he says. He looks between them, clearly sensing the tension in the air.

"There you are," Master Windu says.

“We were having an argument,” Padmé says. “And tea. Do you have time for tea?”

"Tea, yes, argument, no," Anakin says, finding his footing. "Who was winning?"

"She was," Master Windu says.

“What good news,” she says. She hands Anakin a fresh cup.

iv.

Padmé feels like they’re on the edge of something huge.

Ventress the Sith has been in custody for days, and she’s bad enough at holding her tongue that the public even has a fairly good idea of what she’s about. Wherever he is, Dooku must be seething. If he seethes. Padmé doesn’t know, for sure. She’s under the impression that he is fairly meditative, for a mass murderer. 

Anyway, people are talking, and for the first time they are really getting on board with Padmé’s side. They’re growing more certain that Palpatine was the enemy all along. It’s wonderful news for her, even if it still hurts to know that everything went so wrong. It’s going to take longer to bring people around to the grief of realizing that the whole war was orchestrated by a few people, in cahoots. 

But that will happen when it happens.

Today Padmé feels antsy and excited, because her contacts have done wonderfully, and brought her another stop on Obi-Wan’s wild journey back and forth across the galaxy. She’s fairly sure he’s following specific strands, using each self-appointed mission to take down something unsavory or help someone out, and letting what he learns from that task propel him to the next. Once in a while he flags his deeds for someone else (a few specific someones else) to clean up, or they’re too obvious to ignore; mostly they’re things that she doesn’t think anyone else is noticing. Mostly she thinks the Jedi are pretending it isn’t happening.

Truly she hopes only she is looking for Obi-Wan, because if his _enemies_ start to hunt him, she isn’t sure even his most military friends will be able to fight them off. It’s that, and imagining Anakin doing the same thing on purpose--hunting down enemies, with no one at his back--that keeps her up at night. 

She is staring into a holomap and thinking when Anakin comes home.

His eyes are bright and wild, and he's out of breath. "Padmé," he says, before he's even through the door. "I think I know where Dooku's going to be next."

“What?” she says. It’s a strange crystallization of everything she’s been thinking. She stands up, and says, “Come in, shut the door, tell me what you’re thinking.”

He does as she says, but he doesn't sit down. He paces the room, catching his breath. "Ventress talks too much," he says. "And Madame Jocasta finally let me look at Obi-Wan's research. I think I've figured out where Dooku is meeting with the representative from the Trade Federation. And if I'm right, I'm the only one who's figured it out." He gives her something that's more like a grimace than a smile.

Padmé says, “Show me,” and gestures back towards the map.

Anakin hesitates. "Here, in the Outer Rim. Yavin 4, in the old Sith temples."

“That’s a long way out,” she says. “He certainly is keeping himself off the front lines, isn’t he? I’m surprised that losing Grievous and Ventress and a handful of generals hasn’t been enough to draw him out.”

"He's overcautious," Anakin says. "He's much more mindful than either Grievous or Ventress. He actually believes he can lose."

“Well, his friends aren’t proving him wrong,” says Padmé. “But it seems like bad leadership to me.” She tilts her head. “Anakin--the Council aren’t your enemy. Are you going to tell them this?”

"No," Anakin says. He holds up his hand to stop her from protesting. "I know, and I've come to terms with the fact that the Council is on my side. But I need to do this alone. If I do, I can ask for whatever I want."

“He could kill you,” she says. “How are you going to ask for anything then?”

"He won't," Anakin says, perfectly confident. "I've faced Palpatine and Ventress. I can face Dooku. But it has to be soon."

“You weren’t alone with Palpatine,” she says. “Yoda hit him with a statuette. And three other Jedi helped you take in Ventress. I understand why you want this, Anakin, but it’s a terrible idea.”

"I respect you," Anakin says, and it sounds like he's pleading. "And I love you. But I'm going to do this anyway." She can see all the tension from the past several months built up inside him.

She never knows what to do about it, and she’s so angry that it’s there, that it’s been put there by the people who should care about him, just as he was free and healing and starting to feel things without them burning him alive.

She says, “Anakin, ending the war is worth dying for, but it’s not worth dying on purpose.”

"I don't intend to die," he says, his face clearing a little. "I intend to win."

“Don’t,” she says. “They’ll go with you. They’ll still owe you.” Already, she’s thinking to herself, _Yavin 4, Yavin 4, Yavin 4._

"I'm sorry, Padmé," he says. "I can't have them breathing down my neck, judging every little thing I do. I need to do this my way." He stands up.

“Then good luck,” she says, although saying it feels like giving up her principles. “Be careful, Ani, please. And win.”

He bends down and pulls her into a deep kiss, cupping her face and barely stopping to breathe. When he finally does pull away, his face is wet. "I don't deserve you," he says.

His tears make her want to beg him to stay. But he won’t, and she doesn’t want this to be ugly, and besides--she already knows what she has to do.

“I’m exactly what you deserve, I hope,” she says, her hand pressed the back of his neck. “I love you. May the Force be with you.”

"And you," he says. He gives her one last squeeze, then leaves in a swirl of robes.

All right. All right. Padmé can handle this. She looks at her map again, and then makes a call.

“Commander Cody of the 501st?” she says.

"Senator," Cody says smartly.

“Yes,” she says. “That’s right. I’m afraid I need something from you. I don’t think you’ll like it, but it’s--urgent.”

"I'm sure I'll do my duty, Senator," he says, but now he sounds wary.

“Commander,” she says gently. “There’s no good way to say this. I think he calls you to pick up after him. Not the army. Not the Jedi Council. Not even the 501st. You.”

Cody is silent for such a long time that she thinks he isn't going to answer. Then he says, "Don't know what you're referring to, Senator."

“I’ve known for a little while,” she says. “I wasn’t going to tell you because I knew you’d warn him I was looking. I knew I could find him without you, given the time. But I need his help now, Commander. I really do.”

Cody is a leader. He doesn't waste a lot of time when there's a decision to make. "I won't say a word about where he is," he says. "But I might be able to get a message to him."

Padmé only weighs her options for a moment. She says, “Tell him Anakin is going to fight Dooku alone, and I know where they are.”

To his credit, Cody seems unfazed. "If you tell me where, that'll speed the process up."

“If I tell you where, you might alert the Jedi Council instead of Obi-Wan,” she says. “I’m not unsympathetic to your position, but I have my own to worry about.”

"That's fair. A bit harsh, but fair. Although wouldn't it be best to tackle him with a whole slew of Jedi?"

“They might not even believe Anakin has found him,” she says. “I can’t risk it.” And there’s Anakin’s feelings, which are a small thing in comparison with his life, but they aren’t nothing. “Obi-Wan will believe him. Please, Commander.”

"Right you are," he says. There's a pause where she thinks he might be debating calling her sir, but he says Senator instead and signs off.

Padmé says, “All right. That went well, I think.”

“Mistress Padmé?” echoes Threepio’s voice from the next room. “I’m sorry, I did not quite hear.”

“That’s all right, Threepio,” she says. “You can go back and clean up the dinner dishes. Thank you.”

Padmé paces anxiously, unable to settle on anything. Thankfully, she only has to wait, unsettled, for about forty-five minutes. The holocomm hums to life and there's Obi-Wan--blue and flickering, but Obi-Wan. She's breathless with relief.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. With this call quality, it’s hard to catch the nuances of his expression, but it does take him a moment to speak. When he does, he just says, “Padmé.”

"Obi-Wan," she says, warmth flooding her voice. "Oh--it's so good to see you." They don't have much time, but there's time enough for this. She reaches out as if to touch him.

“You’re well, I hope,” he says, after a moment. 

"As well as any of us can be," she says. "Obi-Wan, there's so much I want to--But there's no time. Anakin needs your help."

“Cody told me,” Obi-Wan says quickly. “Where is he?”

She takes a deep breath. "Yavin 4. It's a moon on the Outer Rim. He said there's an old Sith Temple there, and he thinks that's where Dooku's going." She swallows. "He's alone, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan nods. “Where is he now?”

"En route," she says. "He left here about an hour ago."

He shakes his head. “I need a ship that can handle light speed. I need--Padmé, I have to go. I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

"Take care of yourself, too," she says. "It's been very hard without you, Obi-Wan. Not just for Anakin." This is almost worse. Both of the people she cares for most are going to be in danger now.

Another long pause. “I’m sorry,” he says. Then, separately: “I have to go. Thank you for telling me.”

"Goodbye, Obi-Wan. May the Force be with you." 

She waits until he signs off to cry.

v.

Anakin tries to empty his mind on the flight to Yavin 4. He tries not to feel anxious or angry or vengeful or anything else a Jedi shouldn't feel. This is just a job that needs to be done, to keep the peace.

When he arrives, there's so much fog in the air that he stumbles getting out of his ship. All right. He's going to have to rely on his other senses, and on the Force. He moves across the damp ground, listening to the sounds of birds and animals moving in the jungle around him. He feels the temple before he sees it. The dark energy is so overwhelming it almost knocks him off his feet.

The shapes of several huge stone buildings begin to appear out of the fog, and Anakin has to force himself to walk closer. He's not alone. Dooku _is_ here, or somebody is. He closes his eyes and picks his way across the slippery ground to the one that feels right. He opens his eyes again.

The pyramid of what must be the main temple looms as high above him as a skyscraper on Coruscant, but it is made of stained, ancient stone. No traffic. No voices. The air sits on his skin so heavily that it skews his perception of the darkness, squeezing in on him more with every second he stands here. 

He comes under the shadow of the temple, and he sees a small ship. Too small to hold more than, at most, a pilot and an astromech. _Dooku._

He steps around the ship and follows the remains of the path to the temple. He can feel his heart beating in his throat. It feels like he shouldn't be here. Maybe, he thinks, he should have told Master Windu.

Hugging the wall, he makes his way inside the temple. The stone floor is slippery with condensation. Anakin's tunic clings to his chest.

The temple seems to lead him inwards. He can’t tell if it’s architecture or dark Force energy, but there’s only one path to take, and Anakin takes it inexorably. He usually has a good head for this kind of thing, but he’s not entirely sure that he isn’t lost.

He tries to untangle Dooku's trail from the rest of the energy here, but it feels impossible. He wishes--Well, he wishes Obi-Wan here were, more than anything else. His footfalls echo as he goes deeper into the temple. Dooku's not going to have much luck getting the Trade Federation in here. Maybe he just plans to meditate before they arrive.

He feels as if he has to reach the very heart of the temple, as if that’s the only place Dooku can be. So he doesn’t expect it when a voice rings through the stone.

“Young Skywalker,” Dooku says. “You’ve brought yourself to me.”

"Dooku," he says, tries not to show how startled he is. "I've done away with your master and your apprentice. You must have known you were next."

“I had a feeling,” Dooku says, and he laughs. “But you’re all alone, aren’t you, my boy? You had all of Coruscant to help you before.” His tongue wraps around the words and spills them out like something dangerous and old. 

Anakin has always felt very dismissive of Dooku. When Anakin lost to him before, he simply wasn't ready. Dooku is the apprentice, not the master. He isn't so powerful. Anakin doesn't feel that way now. Instead of answering back, Anakin ignites his lightsaber and moves further along the corridor.

“And I had thought we might talk,” Dooku says. There are lights in the halls but they aren’t so bright that the flash of red doesn’t burn Anakin’s eyes. Dooku’s voice tilts towards lightness as he says, “We still could, I suppose. But I don’t think you want to join my side. And the most I’d want from you is your second arm.”

It's a little disappointing, horribly, that Dooku doesn't want to try turning him. He pushes the thought aside and says, "Let's dance, then."

“My pleasure,” says Dooku, and then bears down on him fast and hard, with a flash of baleful light.

Anakin barely has time to bring his lightsaber up to block Dooku's attack. As it is, he stumbles backwards and almost loses his footing. He's stronger than Dooku, and probably faster, but he doesn't feel as if he has any power in this place. This was not a well-considered move.

Dooku laughs, but briefly; then he’s swinging at Anakin, a barrage of hard blows that Anakin can barely keep up with.

Anakin is breathing hard all too soon, struggling to keep up. He's calm and centered and has his mind right, but Dooku is just too powerful. Anakin remembers his pathetic little lightning compared with what Dooku's looked like.

“You hardly feel like yourself,” Dooku says, and it doesn’t sound like he’s breathing hard at all. How anyone can breathe this air is a mystery to Anakin. “You always had a temper. It was your weakness, but at least then you had personality. I wonder, what do you have now?” He jabs, cutting right through Anakin’s defense.

Anakin does fall, and his lightsaber goes clattering away. He thinks of Padmé, waiting for him at home, and his mind goes blank with horror at what he's done.

“Oh, there isn’t any escape,” Dooku says. He _is_ breathing hard, just a little--but it isn’t enough. “What did you think would happen here, in _my_ place of strength? Which Sith, exactly, did you take down singlehanded? Get up, boy.”

Anakin does, by flipping backward, calling his lightsaber to his hand. If he's going to die, he's not going to die easily.

“Better,” Dooku growls, and starts to drive him into a corner. Anakin holds his own, pieces of his own, but Dooku is pushing him further back, and his eyes are cold and bright, and he shows no sign of stopping.

Anakin can feel fear rising up inside him, and it's not going to have a chance to turn into hatred or anything else. He's going to die here and nobody will know but his wife.

Then Dooku sucks in a breath, and flinches back. “You were _alone_ ,” he spits.

"I am alone," Anakin says, momentarily thrown. His voice bounces off the walls.

Dooku makes a sound of anger and violence and throws Anakin against the wall. It dazes him, badly enough that he hears someone call his name. His blood pounds in his ears like footsteps across the stone. Dooku turns away.

Anakin tries to get to his feet. His shoulder feels like it's on fire. Then he sees that they're not alone.

"Obi-Wan?" he says. It's him, although he's not wearing his Jedi robes. Anakin's not imagining it. Obi-Wan's presence fills the room like a soft, heavy blanket.

“Anakin,” says Obi-Wan, in a familiar voice of fond disapproval. His eyes are on Dooku. He’s dressed differently, but he still has his lightsaber, held aloft. “ _Dooku.”_

Dooku, realizing he’s flanked, tries to back down the hall into safety. “Obi-Wan,” he says. “You’re not meant to be a Jedi any longer.”

“Anakin, are you all right?” Obi-Wan asks.

"I'm fine, Master," Anakin says, feeling unreal. "It seems like you found me. A little late, though."

“Not too late, I hope,” says Obi-Wan. “Would you like any help?” He’s still looking at Dooku, not Anakin.

Dooku says, “The two of you couldn’t take me before. Even with Yoda’s help, you couldn’t take me. What makes you think either of you will survive me now?” He throws his hand forward like he wants to swipe Obi-Wan across the room, but Obi-Wan blocks the invisible blow.

“Anakin!” he shouts.

Anakin leaps for Dooku, lightsaber in hand. Dooku is still powerful, but he can't look everywhere at once, and the two of them are slowly but steadily hemming him in. Anakin's shoulder burns, and it slows him down. Obi-Wan, however, is relentless.

Dooku drops the talk and fights hard, balancing well against both of them. He isn’t winning, but he won’t go down. Obi-Wan drives him against a wall, and Dooku flings the Force against him. Obi-Wan lands on his back with a startled sound. Dooku raises his free hand, fingers outspread and tense. 

"NO!" Anakin shouts, his mind full of Obi-Wan writhing, in pain, having another heart attack. Anakin reaches out, forcing his mind blank and calm, and shoots a thin jet of lightning straight for Dooku. It's nothing compared to what Dooku can do, but it still does the job.

Dooku is on the ground, and Obi-Wan is back on his feet. He dashes forward before Dooku can struggle upwards, and punches him out cold.

Breathing hard, he looks at Anakin. “It was the metal hand,” he says. “So that’s okay.”

Anakin gives a shaky laugh that's more like a sob. Obi-Wan. Solid and real. He runs across the room and flings his arms around him, ignoring the pain in his shoulder.

“Oof!” says Obi-Wan.

Anakin laughs and buries his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder, breathing in his scent. " _Master_."

He feels Obi-Wan’s quick intake of breath, and then it’s like Obi-Wan is trying to climb inside him. His hands are everywhere and his mouth is on Anakin’s, and then he’s kissing Anakin so hard it’s like everything else has ceased to exist.

Anakin makes a noise of surprise, and then it's all he can do to stay upright. He clings to the front of Obi-Wan's shirt, kissing him, holding him. Obi-Wan’s nails scrape the back of Anakin’s neck, and he says, voice hitching, “He’ll wake up. Anakin, he’ll wake up, I’m sorry.”

"I'm, I know, but--" Anakin can't get his words out. He kisses Obi-Wan hard, like a placeholder, before finally pulling back. "I have so many questions," he says.

“Dooku first,” Obi-Wan says. “Let’s get out of this cursed place and tie him up and--you should contact General Fisto. I assume you’re alone by choice, and can still do that kind of thing?”

"I can," Anakin says, chagrined. He doesn't mind feeling stupid about almost getting himself killed, though, because Obi-Wan is back, and nothing else matters.

Dragging Dooku all the way out of the temple is hard work, and they don’t say much. When he’s tied up on the ground outside, but before Anakin has contacted Obi-Wan’s-- _General Fisto’s_ ship--Obi-Wan puts a hand on his arm.

“I’m not, you know,” he says, looking troubled. “I’m not your master. It might be better if you didn’t mention I’m here.”

"That's not happening," Anakin says sharply. "They deserve to know what they threw away when they drove you out of the Order. Because they did. It's their fault." He pauses. "Not that I'm not angry with you, too."

“Ah,” says Obi-Wan uncomfortably. “Sorry.”

"But not so angry that I ever want to stop kissing you," Anakin clarifies.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says. “I didn’t want--” He stops and shakes his head. “We’ll--there will be time for this. I promise.”

"We can talk after backup gets here," Anakin tells Obi-Wan. "But I'm not going to wait to do this." He grabs Obi-Wan's hand and squeezes it hard, feeling his pulse in his palm, his life force flowing through him. "Master," he says firmly. Obi-Wan may not be his master anymore, or a master at all, but it's still a way of claiming him.

It takes a moment, but Obi-Wan squeezes back. 

“I came as fast as I could,” he says.

Anakin's brain finally catches up. "How did you know where I was?" Only one person knew, but she can't have been in contact with Obi-Wan.

“Your wife found me,” Obi-Wan says ruefully. “She worked out that I’ve been signalling Cody with messes to clean up behind me and forced him to send me a message.”

"She didn't tell me that!" Anakin realizes his sounds defensive, but--she should have said!

“I can’t tell you more than that,” Obi-Wan says. “We only talked for a minute. I was in a little bit of a hurry, you know.”

There are so many things Anakin wants to say. Why did you leave? Were you planning on ever speaking to me again? What are you going to do now? Instead, he puts his hand on Obi-Wan's arm and just looks at him, tongue-tied. This isn't the time.

Obi-Wan gives him an odd smile and walks the few paces to his ship. He climbs in for a moment and comes out with a blaster.

“It stuns,” he explains, and sits down opposite Dooku with the blaster pointed straight at him.

"They won't be here yet," Anakin says. "You could tell me what you've been doing, at least." He keeps wanting to put his hands on Obi-Wan, to make sure he can't slip away somehow.

Obi-Wan glances up at him, then back at Dooku. 

“Keeping busy,” he says. “Breaking all kinds of laws, if you’re being particular, but I hope not doing any harm.” He smiles, without looking up. “I have a fairly limited array of skills, unfortunately.”

"You look so strange," Anakin says. "You don't look right." He indicates Obi-Wan's clothes. His way of saying that Obi-Wan doesn't look right when he's not a Jedi.

Obi-Wan’s smile fades, but sticks before it disappears completely. “I understand I should be very proud of you,” he says. “More than usual, I mean. Master.”

"Ugh, don't," Anakin says. "Please." But Obi-Wan's pride in him means so much more than Mace Windu's.

“I _am_ proud, though,” Obi-Wan starts, and then Dooku stirs. Without a blink, Obi-Wan blasts him, and he slumps back into stillness. Obi-Wan, as if nothing happened, says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry it wasn’t me. But I _am_ proud.” As if Anakin hadn’t just proved his mastery by nearly being murdered by a Sith.

Anakin sits, trying to absorb all of the muddled feelings. He keeps feeling a surge of joy when he remembers all over again that Obi-Wan is really here, sitting next to him. "I'm proud, too," he says finally. "Nobody else stands by their principles the way you do."

Obi-Wan nods, then looks up, startled. “Proud of _me_?” he says. “Well, that must be a first.”

"It's not," Anakin says. "But I don't think I realized it before." He certainly hasn't said it before. "I've been realizing a lot of things about you since you left, Obi-Wan." He reaches out and grips Obi-Wan's arm convulsively.

Obi-Wan says, “I don’t think I’m ready to know all about that. Is Padmé all right? Is Master Windu treating you well? Certainly trained you well, it seems. I hope the rest of them haven’t been giving you too much trouble.”

"Everyone's fine," Anakin says sourly. "They're all distraught over you, actually. Including Padmé. Including Master Windu."

Obi-Wan is quiet for a moment. Then he says, "It was the only way I could see out of betraying either of you.”

"I don't feel betrayed," Anakin says carefully. His voice comes out rough. "But I do feel lost without you."

Obi-Wan looks at him with such an uncharacteristically bare expression that it hurts to see.

“You’re fine,” he says. “You’re fine without me. You’re doing wonderfully. You have Padmé.”

"Padmé," Anakin says. The humid air feels as if it's eating up his words. "Padmé who's apparently spent every second trying to track you down. Just like I've spent every second trying to end this war so I can get you back." In the back of his head, he realizes that yes--this probably does mean the end of the war.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says. He’s terribly pale. “You can’t mean that.”

"You don't know what you mean to me," Anakin says through his teeth. "Really, after all this time, somehow you still don't. You thought you could just walk away and I'd accept that? Are you stupid? You've been my _world_ since I came to Coruscant."

Obi-Wan is speechless. He nods, once, twice.

“I know,” he says. “I know. I just don’t know--what to do.”

"Well," Anakin says, "You ended the war, I think." He gives Obi-Wan a smile, his eyes wet. "That's what your showing off got us."

“Showing off,” says Obi-Wan.

"Yes. Really, what else would you call that business with Grievous?" Anakin clears his throat and wipes his eyes.

Obi-Wan flashes a smile. “All right. Maybe a little. But he annoyed me.”

"So you see why I'm proud," Anakin says. "And why I missed you." He looks up, searching for the noise and light of ships approaching. Nothing yet.

“What exactly was your plan?” Obi-Wan said. “For when you’d ended the war?”

"I thought maybe you'd come out of hiding," Anakin says. It sounds stupid now. "And if you didn't, I thought there wouldn't be anything the Jedi would deny me. I thought I could make them reach out and beg you to come home."

“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, making him feel like a child. His face falls into an unbearable sadness. A smallness. “I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ll do.”

"They want you back," Anakin says. "They hate that you did this. Master Windu and Master Gallia in particular, I think."

“Adi?” Obi-Wan asks. “Yes, I imagine she’s annoyed at me. She was only trying to get me to snap out of it and stop moping after you like a besotted teenager. Or something like that.”

Anakin laughs. "Yes, she said something like that. But mostly they're all furious with me for ruining your life, I think. They want you home, Obi-Wan. They'd take you back. If it was something you wanted." Maybe Obi-Wan is enjoying himself as a rogue Jedi.

Obi-Wan’s expression grows small again. “They wouldn’t. And--I don’t know.” He looks down at his hands, fitted around the blaster that looks completely out of place in his grip. “I don’t know what I can do, or I should do, or what I want to be.”

"For now," Anakin says, "you can just be happy that you saved my life, Master."

Obi-Wan says, forcefully, “Yes, that. I can’t _believe_ you did that, Anakin. You could have--I could have been too late.” He glances at the unconscious Dooku, then at Anakin. “What would I have done if you killed yourself doing something so stupid, and I was too late to help you?”

"I didn't think," Anakin says, although that is obvious. "I had all these plans--but it was all so stupid. I overestimated myself. I've been very unhappy, Obi-Wan."

“Who would be happy if he killed you, you stupid boy?” Obi-Wan says. He moves to put his head in his hands, then remembers to keep his eyes on Dooku instead. “I’ve been worrying about you—hearing such good things—and then to have Padmé call me like that.”

"I'm sorry," Anakin says numbly. "But I'm not sorry it got you to show up." He buries his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder again. Let Obi-Wan watch Dooku.

Obi-Wan’s arm reaches around his shoulders and hugs him close. It makes Anakin's shoulder burn, but he doesn't care.

“Are you worried I’ve had fun running around like a vigilante?” Obi-Wan asks.

"You seemed like you might," Anakin says, muffled. If so, there's a high likelihood that Obi-Wan won't _want_ to come back.

“A little,” Obi-Wan admits. “I’ve seen a lot of old friends. And I was _very_ happy about Grievous.” His gloved metal hand brushes against Anakin’s neck. “There’s something to be said for--well, I’ve never carried a blaster before, you know I don’t like them. The difference in circumstance is….illuminating. Maybe freeing? Until someone arrests me, I suppose.”

"I don't care if you're a Jedi or not," Anakin says. The others certainly will, but he doesn't care what they want at the moment. "I just care that you come back to us."

Anakin feels the tremor that runs through Obi-Wan’s body.

“Please,” Obi-Wan says. “Please, don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be gone.”

"Promise that whatever else you do, you'll stay with us," Anakin says. He can hear a distant hum that may be a ship slowly coming in to land in the fog.

“You’ve done so well,” Obi-Wan says. “I don’t want to be the reason you slip.” But his fist is tight in Anakin’s collar, and although the sound of the ship is clearer now, he’s not pulling away.

"It was all a game," Anakin says. "They think I'm doing so well, but it was all to find a way back to you." In the process, he's become a better Jedi than he ever thought he could be, but that wasn't his purpose.

He hears Obi-Wan sniff and feels him swallow.

“Do you think you’re the only one?” he says. “All the adventures in the galaxy aren’t enough.”

When the Republic ships land, Anakin is leaning into Obi-Wan's side, listening for Obi-Wan's heartbeat and trying not to cry.


	6. Return

i.

Obi-Wan does not particularly want to talk on the ship. Fortunately, there isn’t any time for it. There’s locking Dooku away, and finding polite ways to fend off troopers who say things like, “Nice surprise to see you again, sir, didn’t think that would ever happen!” or “Nice sidearm! Not the usual look for a Jedi!” There’s conscientiously avoiding Cody, for the time being. Once he realizes that Anakin is hurt, there’s dragging him to medical and making sure he’s properly prodded by droids. 

And there’s Kit Fisto, whose ship this now is.

Kit is a professional, and not even months of hurt feelings could distract him from putting Dooku somewhere secure very quickly. When that is dealt with, Obi-Wan holds on to a small shred of hope that Kit will just ignore him until they got to Coruscant. But of course he doesn’t. He finds Obi-Wan waiting at the hatch to the medical bay, trying not to be fussy or--overly present. 

"You're coming all the way to Coruscant?" Kit asks. As if maybe Obi-Wan could just drop off into space somewhere. It's unclear whether he wants that or not. 

“I promised I would,” Obi-Wan says, once he’s collected himself. He didn’t promise, actually. He was careful not to promise anything. He has no idea what’s going to happen, but he’s not as easily convinced as Anakin that all of this will somehow make everything turn out right.

It might make things much harder, depending on how they go. 

“Nice to see you, Kit,” he adds.

Kit’s face, once you learn to read it, is extremely expressive. Right now he looks miserably guilty. "Obi-Wan...We didn't want you to go. I didn't want that."

Obi-Wan automatically steps back from the door. This is not a conversation he wants to have in Anakin’s hearing. This is not a conversation he wants to have at all. 

“Kit,” he says softly, “you expected something of me that I couldn’t give. You were hurt by something I don’t regret doing. Don’t confuse those feelings with responsibility. I left because I couldn’t stay. Not because you looked sad during Council meetings.”

Kit starts to speak, then stops and collects himself. "You're not the only one who let his feelings get away from him. I know my reaction wasn't the reaction of a Jedi, and I'm sorry for that. All that aside, we need you. Whether you and the rest of the Council are having philosophical differences or not."

Obi-Wan’s mind goes quiet, and he knows it’s a defensive maneuver against thinking too many things at once and finding them too hard to ride out calmly.

“So _you_ think I should come back,” he says. “Under what conditions?”

Kit hesitates. "If we're going to welcome you back, there cannot be any distrust, I think. But of course you would have to agree to abide by the Code from now on."

“Of course. You’re an honest soul, Kit,” Obi-Wan says. “And a good Jedi.”

"We miss you terribly," Kit says. He doesn't sound like his normal cheerful self. He sounds wretched. "It has been... making me think hard about what we ask of each other as an order. Thank you for that."

Obi-Wan doesn’t want to be thanked. Being here makes him feel sickly out of place, and Kit is making the casual assumption that the thing Obi-Wan _left his life for_ no longer applies. That he’s just forgotten, or something, and that Kit didn’t just pick him up off of Yavin 4 with Anakin clinging to his shoulder.

Kit is reminding him to miss the Order--miss home--so badly it’s like being split between dimensions. But he’s also reminding Obi-Wan why he can’t come back.

“You’re welcome,” he says.

Kit nods, pauses as if to say something else, then instead claps Obi-Wan on the shoulder. "I'm going to check Dooku," he says, too enthusiastically. Then he's gone.

Obi-Wan is glad the trip doesn’t take too long. By the time they get to Coruscant, he’s nearly run out of small talk and vague expressions. He manages to say thanks to Cody and to hover over Anakin, and not much else but worry.

When they enter the atmosphere, Anakin can't seem to keep still. He doesn't seem to care about his injured shoulder. He keeps looking at Obi-Wan, as if checking that he's still there.

When they land, he gives Obi-Wan's hand a squeeze. "They'd better be impressed, anyway," he says under his breath.

Masters Yoda, Windu, Gallia, and Ti are waiting for them when they arrive.

"I don't believe this," Master Windu says when they and their prisoner disembark.

“You’re not alone in that,” Dooku says. The timbre of his voice hasn’t changed from its usual, but Obi-Wan thinks he might actually be starting to worry.

“Hm,” says Yoda, frowning at him before turning away. “Master Fisto. Good time you have made. Fortunate, your alertness was.”

“Thank you,” says Kit, looking slightly...perturbed. Obi-Wan notices that Cody is standing very straight and tall.

"And now we're getting him out of here before he can cause any trouble," Master Windu says. "I'm sure he'd like to. Kit, Adi?" He calculates, then says, "Maybe all three of you." Master Ti nods and goes to Dooku as well, her hand on her lightsaber.

“Don’t have fun,” Obi-Wan says to Dooku, who frowns at him, and is taken away.

Which leaves Yoda and Mace and Anakin. And him.

“Well,” he says. _Shall I go? Shall we talk? What shall we do?_ He doesn’t want to guess at the right thing to say, honestly.

Mace bows to Anakin. Then he says, evenly, "I'm going to kill you, Skywalker."

Anakin gives a startled little laugh. "I--Can we sit down first, Master? I'm in some pain."

Mace nods. "I imagine you are. Come on, then. Both of you."

Obi-Wan doesn’t want to throw everything away without at least finding out just how impossible keeping it would be. He follows them into the Temple. Every step aches. Not his home. Not his temple.

As they walk, Yoda looks cannily up at him. 

“Quiet you are, Obi-Wan,” he says.

“Better safe than sorry,” Obi-Wan says.

Anakin keeps anxious pace beside Obi-Wan as Mace leads them into one of the meditation rooms on a lower level of the temple. "Sit," Mace says. He glances at Yoda, and as he often does, Obi-Wan gets the sense that they're communicating silently.

“So,” Yoda says. “Young Skywalker. Think you can fight the Sith alone, do you. Think to tell your fellow Jedi, you do not. Seeking glory. Seeking revenge.”

"No," Anakin says, and Obi-Wan is grateful that he sounds calm. "I was seeking an end to the war that would give me back what I wanted. In a way that would give me my life back."

Obi-Wan holds very still and doesn’t interrupt. 

Yoda says, “So! Incomplete, your life is?”

"Yes," Anakin says steadily. Master Windu's eyebrows climb as he speaks. "I know the Jedi are supposed to be all I need, but they're not." He looks at Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan can see the longing on his face. "I need Padmé and I need Obi-Wan. I thought I could get him back this way." He pauses. "It did work, you'll notice."

“Well, but you nearly died!” Obi-Wan says. “And I’m not…”

“Planning to leave, are you, Obi-Wan?” Yoda asks.

Obi-Wan wants badly to look at Anakin, but he can’t do it. 

“How can I stay?” he says. His voice dips, against his will. “Kit said that--some of the Council want me back. Well, I don’t know how true that is. But if somehow I were accepted back into the Order...what’s ever changed? Even if I followed the code, my spirit wouldn’t be willing. And I can’t live like that. I’d rather--rather be heartbroken over all of it than spoil any of it.”

"Well, this is unacceptable," Mace says. He sounds angry and embarrassed. "You're one of our best Jedi Masters, and I don't just mean as a warrior. You don't even want to leave."

“Of course I don’t,” says Obi-Wan. Everything he wants is here. No matter what he said to Anakin, that’s the terrible truth. All the wild and exciting things in the galaxy, all the old friends and incredible landscapes--he doesn’t want them without any of this. Without who he is, or what he loves. He’s just trying to make do, and now they’re holding everything he’s starving for just out of reach.

He looks at Anakin, who’s staring at him in anxious distress, and feels something inside himself crack.

"Obi-Wan," Anakin says.

"Silence," Master Windu snaps. "You'll have time enough to account for yourself. Obi-Wan…You chose to turn your back on the Jedi. And you'd do it again if we told you that you couldn't have this foolish man." He eyes Anakin. "Is that the Jedi way? Can it be?"

Yoda stirs and clears his throat before Obi-Wan can answer. “Master Windu,” he says. “A moment to consider. Did Obi-Wan turn his back on the order? Compelled, he was--by his integrity. By a desire not to harm the Order. And since then, what has he done? Brought us Grievous. Brought us Dooku. Left us many others. Renegade, perhaps. But believe he turned his back--I no longer do."

Master Windu is silent. So, thankfully, is Anakin. Then Master Windu says, "I just asked a question. I didn't say I had the answer."

“Hm!” says Yoda, while Obi-Wan quakes in his boots. “Just think. If Qui-Gon were here, many things would he have to say.” Obi-Wan can’t begin to imagine what. Something shocking, surely.

"There's a reason Qui-Gon was never on the Council," Master Windu says. "But it's also true that he's proof that there's more than one way to be a Jedi."

“Master Skywalker,” says Yoda. “Know what you think, I do. Think that if we will not give you what you want after you have ended the war, we will never give you anything. Hm?”

"Yes," Anakin mutters. He clears his throat and starts again. "I know what's wrong with me. I know I can't stop wanting things, and I don't even know when to stop. I know it would be a problem even if I wasn't a Jedi. But I don't love Obi-Wan like that--not in that bad way. I can love him and still be a Jedi."

“Obi-Wan,” says Yoda. “Feel the same way, do you?”

Obi-Wan is caught, enamored and horrified, of Anakin saying all those things about him. And about _himself_. Out loud! He shakes it off and says, “I--do, yes.” He looks at Anakin, then quickly skirts his gaze over to Yoda. “Unless you have complaints about my service over the last several years. Aside from my relationship with him.”

Yoda looks at Master Windu. “They’ve done what nobody else could do,” he says. “Destroyed the Sith, they have. Perhaps even ended the war. Surprising, that their feelings did not stop them!” He says the last almost like a joke.

Master Windu makes a disapproving noise, but Obi-Wan thinks it's directed at Yoda. "I know. I know! I think we all know, although it might be hard for some members of the Council to swallow. We have to allow this."

Obi-Wan’s expression falls off his face, and plummets, with his heart, out of sight. 

“What?” he says.

Yoda’s ears turn slightly. He says, “Jedi laws are old, but as old as the Jedi they are not. Our purpose is not misery. Clear sight, it is, and honor, and bravery. Protection.” He tilts his head. “Angry, more than one person has been, that we allowed Anakin’s marriage, and not this. If Anakin can fulfill his duty while he is married to Senator Amidala--why not with Obi-Wan? Why can Obi-Wan not be allowed to do the same?”

“I disappoint you,” Obi-Wan says. “You felt I betrayed you. That I was not—the example you hoped for.”

“Then it is our feelings, not yours, that drive us down the wrong path,” Yoda says. “Is it not?”

"And if I can come to understand and respect Anakin, which I have, I can learn to tolerate this," Master Windu says.

For once, Anakin is speechless. He reaches out and grabs Obi-Wan's hand hard. Obi-Wan hardly understands what he is hearing.

“Obi-Wan,” says Yoda, “the question remains--do you want to come back?”

Obi-Wan’s heart is beating too hard. It doesn’t seem possible. He says, “You mean, you’re giving us a pass.”

“Mm,” says Yoda.

“Then,” says Obi-Wan, “yes. You can’t doubt I want—more than anything, I want—but what will I be? How can I—?” He’s slipping out of sync with time, falling into unexpected sync with the universe, all while sitting very still. His hand grips Anakin’s.

“Still a master you will be,” Yoda says. 

"It's not the Jedi way to treat our knights like children," Master Windu says. "You're not being punished. You're being welcomed."

Obi-Wan squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t do this under the wrong conditions. Even though he doesn’t want to, he has to ask. “This decision—are you overlooking a breach in the code because we brought you the Sith? Or are you changing the rules?”

Master Windu looks at Yoda sideways. “This wouldn’t be the first time we’ve changed what it means to be a Jedi. This is something the Council would have to agree on, but…”

“I understand,” says Obi-Wan. “I mean, I agree.” 

"How many of them have to agree?" Anakin asks.

"I wouldn't worry," Master Windu says firmly.

“A relief, some may find it,” says Yoda thoughtfully. 

“What?” Obi-Wan says.

"I don't know about that," Master Windu says, but not like he really wants to argue.

Yoda is inscrutable.

"Thank you, Masters," Anakin says grudgingly.

“Think that out of trouble you are?” Yoda says. “Grateful, we are, to have Dooku dealt with. Grateful to Obi-Wan, for saving a Jedi’s life.”

"I acted rashly." Anakin sounds reluctant. "I know it was wrong. I honestly didn't think it would be like that."

“Blinded, you were,” says Yoda. “By resentment. By ambition. By your own pride and desire. Known, you could have, that Dooku was powerful and in a dark place. Did you not remember the last time you met?”

Obi-Wan watches Anakin’s reactions, not stepping in. 

"I made a mistake," Anakin says slowly. "I keep making them. I still haven't learned control."

“You need to learn responsibility, Master Skywalker,” Yoda says. “Find a way to instill that in you, we must. Find a way to bind you to your fellow Jedi. And not only Obi-Wan.”

"I know," Anakin says. "Master Windu--I don't want you to think I was just waiting until I could get at Dooku. Your training really was important to me."

"It had better have been," Master Windu says darkly.

“You’ll never be sure,” Obi-Wan mutters to the ceiling.

Master Windu, to everyone's surprise, laughs. "No one could ever be _sure_ he appreciated anything. I wish you luck with him."

“My thanks, Master Windu,” Obi-Wan says.

"I--" Anakin starts. Then he gives Obi-Wan's hand a squeezes and looks up at the ceiling. "I'm going to listen more," he says.

Obi-Wan looks at his anxious face, feels the grip of his hand, and thinks that this isn’t quite the same person that he left behind. It’s the better part of a standard year since they were separated, and Anakin seems both older and younger. He seems _better_ , despite the idiocy with Dooku, and it gives Obi-Wan pangs of equal parts joy and regret. Master Windu really did teach him well.

Yoda says, “Listen more, and teach with care.”

“What?” says Obi-Wan.

"Teach?" Anakin echoes. He sounds incredulous. From Master Windu's face, he feels the same.

“A master you are, are you not?” Yoda retorts. 

"Any Padawan of his…" Master Windu begins.

Obi-Wan can see Anakin's face go from shock to pride. "Will learn the utmost humility, Master," he says, his eyes gleaming.

“You’re seriously going to give him a youngling just after he nearly committed suicide?” Obi-Wan says, perhaps unkindly. 

Yoda says, “Help you will give them both, Obi-Wan. Temperance, too. Teach Master Skywalker’s Padawan not to leave the order if it does not get its way.”

“Oh, _well_ ,” says Obi-Wan.

Anakin laughs, all nerves and released tension. "I'm going to need a lot of help," he says.

“First of all speak to the Council we must,” Yoda says. Obi-Wan nods, sobered.

"For now, you two need to rest," Master Windu says. "And I'm sure there's a senator who's not going to wait much longer before she starts beating down our doors."

It occurs to Obi-Wan that at some point--if the Council vote goes well, if all of this doesn’t turn to ash--one of them will forget not to mention the details of Obi-Wan and Padmé’s relationship alongside either of their relationships with Anakin. He doesn’t think Master Windu will be very happy about that.

“You’re right,” he says. “I’d better show her I brought him home mostly in one piece.”

Anakin shoots to his feet. "Thank you, Masters," he says quickly. He bows, then grabs Obi-Wan's hand again. "Shall we?"

It’s all so obvious and embarrassing that Obi-Wan would feel like sinking through the floor if he weren’t so overwhelmed and happy.

“Thank you,” he repeats to the masters. Then he lets Anakin take him home.

ii.

Padmé knows that Anakin and Obi-Wan are back on Coruscant, thanks to Bail, who asked around at her request. She doesn't know what's taking so long, though. If they're being expelled from the Jedi Order, she wishes the Masters would have the courtesy to be quick about it.

All she wants is to see Anakin, and possibly to scream at him. And she wants to hold Obi-Wan until she believes he's real.

When she finally hears the door open, she's at the point of just leaving and going to the Temple herself.

Anakin says her name as soon as he steps instead. Obi-Wan is right behind him. She's frozen between shouting at them--again--and just running to them.

Obi-Wan gives the most bashful smile she’s ever seen on his face and says, “Hello, Padmé.”

Padmé rushes to him, right past Anakin. She's still angry enough that he can wait. She flings her arms around Obi-Wan, ignoring the startled sound he makes and breathing in his scent.

“Padmé,” he says wonderingly. His arms find her body and give it a gentle squeeze. Oh, he’s too polite even in this moment. It’s infuriating and charming at the same time.

"Let me make sure it's really you," she says, her voice tearful. She kisses his face and beams at him, hearing Anakin protest. Not much, though. He's happy, too.

Obi-Wan, looking very tired and glad, and skinnier than she’s used to--but maybe that’s just the fewer layers of clothes--smiles at her beautifully. 

“I’ve missed you very much, Senator Amidala,” he says. “And I owe you enormously for finding me when you did.”

"I'm the one who owes you," she says. "You saved Anakin's life." She can't bear pretending to snub Anakin anymore. She turns and lets him pick her up and kiss her.

"We have to tell her, though," Anakin says. He looks just as exhausted as Obi-Wan.

“Can we sit?” Obi-Wan says. “It sounds silly, but I’ve missed that sofa of yours; I feel like everything gets done, there.”

Padmé laughs, still very tearful and a little wicked. She pulls Obi-Wan down next to her on the couch. Anakin nestles down on one side of her, his face pressed against her shoulder. She can't seem to let go of either of their hands.

"What did they say?" she asks, hoping it's not horrible.

“We’re at the mercy of the Council,” Obi-Wan says. “But it’s--not hopeless.”

"You're making it sound worse than it was," Anakin says into Padmé's shoulder.

"Does this mean you're coming back?" Padmé asks carefully, squeezing Obi-Wan's hand.

Obi-Wan hesitates. “That all depends,” he says.

Padmé's heart falls. She was expecting them to know by now, and by their faces, she thought it would be a yes. "Depends on what?"

Obi-Wan is looking at Padmé, which means he’s not looking at Anakin. “Master Yoda and Master Windu are--and I cannot believe I can say this--are going to ask the council to amend the code. So that romantic attachments are no longer forbidden.”

" _Really?_ " Padmé is shocked--shocked and pleased--but she can see the worry in Obi-Wan's face.

“I know!” he says. “I do know. But if the council won’t agree, then we’re right back where we started, only--” He stops, and then shakes his head. “We’re back where we started,” he says again.

Anakin makes a noise of protest. "I'm sure they're already unhappy with me for the same reasons you are," he says. "But Master Yoda is on our side." He sounds pleased. "He wants to give me a padawan."

"You?" Padmé says, without meaning to.

Obi-Wan says, “ _That’s what I said._ Then they told me I had to be nanny to them both. Assuming I come back.” The last bit puts a dent in his sunniness.

"Whether or not you come back to the Jedi," Padmé says, "You're needed on Coruscant. _I_ need you here."

Anakin gives a murmur of agreement. She can feel him relaxing against her shoulder.

Obi-Wan looks at his hands. “Perhaps we can talk about this if the worst occurs,” he says. Which is how she knows he plans to leave.

"I wish I could do something to help," she says. When it comes to the Jedi, she really has no influence. It's infuriating, because she has to watch them take apart Obi-Wan and Anakin's lives so often. "I'm just so glad to see you."

“I am gratified,” he says. “Your esteem has always been--something to cherish. And I’ll certainly hold on tight to that just now--I have a feeling that Anakin and I are about to be the subjects of a brutal interrogation by the Jedi Council.”

"What's left to ask?"

Obi-Wan makes a bemused noise. “You know, everything, if they wanted to. They never asked me anything to begin with, except whether it was true.”

"They'll probably be too embarrassed to ask much," Anakin says. "It's the Council."

"Do you think they'll ask you about me?" Padmé says.

Obi-Wan says, “You mean, whether we--?”

"Whether or not they ask, will you tell them?" Padmé doesn't have strong feelings one way or the other, but it would be nice not to have to hide anything. Still, whatever she has with Obi-Wan is still unfolding, and if they need to be quiet about that piece of it, that's all right.

Obi-Wan looks at Anakin. “I don’t know,” he says. “I’m not sure what there is to tell. It’s--it was very new, and it’s been so long. If I had to defend it I don’t think I even know what I’d be defending. I’m sorry, that sounds terrible.”

"No," Padmé says, squeezing his hand, "No, I agree." She feels Anakin relax against her. She hadn't even felt him tense.

“I don’t even know for sure that they’re going to question us,” Obi-Wan says. “Which seems a little unfair.” 

"Mm." Anakin struggles upright. "I think Master Yoda and Master Windu are going to browbeat them into doing what they want."

"Good," Padmé says. "Now, Obi-Wan, I want to hear about where you've been. Well--I know a lot of where you've been, actually."

Obi-Wan turns pink under his beard. “It didn’t occur to me that you’d be watching,” he says

"I had to do something," Padmé says. "You were all alone out there." Whatever else she feels for Obi-Wan, she cares for him deeply, and having him gone was incredibly painful.

“I wasn’t all alone,” Obi-Wan said. “I had people.” He seems to be trying to reassure her, at the risk of making Anakin jealous.

"Anakin," Padmé says, realizing he's leaning heavily on her shoulder again, "I think you need to put yourself to bed."

Anakin looks ready to protest, but then he says, "I guess I'm still healing."

"Healing--?" Padmé says, alarmed.

"I'll be up later!" Anakin says quickly, getting to his feet. He gives her a slightly vague smile. He looks half asleep already. "I'm all right, Padmé." He drops a kiss on her forehead and makes his way to the bedroom.

Padmé rubs her temples. "He's all right, isn't he?"

“His shoulder was injured, fighting Dooku,” Obi-Wan says. “He’s very lucky it wasn’t worse. At the risk of alarming you, Padmé--if I hadn’t come when I did, he might well have been killed.”

She swallows. "I know. And not just him." She gives him a pointed look.

He gives her the startled look of someone who hadn’t contemplated his own mortality. 

She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "And even before that. You may have had old acquaintances, but I don't think you had the support of true, close friends."

“I did,” says Obi-Wan. “And they deserve a world of credit for how they helped me. You have to be a dear friend to help someone finance and cheat their way across the galaxy, technically committing many crimes against the republic.” He grins at her, and adds, “But even those who used to be haven’t been my home for a long time. They couldn’t take the place of what I was missing. They weren’t the two of you.”

She notices him leaving off the question of whether he missed the Jedi at all. It’s a conspicuous absence.

"You enjoyed yourself," she says carefully. "Even though you were in danger and very busy."

“I enjoyed what I was doing,” he says evenly. “I enjoyed seeing people I hadn’t seen in….many years. Many of them not since I was a newly-made Padawan.”

"And maybe your vacation from the Jedi wasn't long enough?" she suggests.

That puts a tightness around his eyes and mouth.

“It was better than staying here and failing all of you,” he says quietly. “It’s not what I wanted.”

"And what do you want now?" she asks softly, taking his hand. "I'm not pushing. Just asking."

He says, in a voice that doesn’t quite break, “I want to come home.”

"Oh, Obi-Wan," she says. She hugs him, and leans into her grasp. "We want you home so badly. I wasn't sure--I didn't know what you wanted."

He looks at her, pained and tired. “I’ve never wanted to be anything except a Jedi,” he says. “I’ve only rarely wanted anything that isn’t that.”

She doesn't say anything, because she can't even begin to understand that desire. But he's going to get it back, she's certain of that. The Council would have to be insane not to want to give anything to these two. She squeezes Obi-Wan's forearms and says forcefully, "You're going to get it back."

Obi-Wan shuts his eyes and sighs. “I’m sorry I left,” he says. “That’s--I’m not sorry I did it, but I’m sorry for what I’m sure it must have done. Anakin must have been so angry with me. For giving up. For leaving him.”

"He was," Padmé says. She thinks maybe she was angrier than Anakin. "And was worried. And lost. He doesn't know how to do without you."

“No?” he says. “He’s much--you know, he’s changed since we were separated. Since Master Windu took him over. He’s in control of his feelings. He’s the Jedi I thought he could be. Running after Dooku notwithstanding.” He adds, “I always thought I could get him there, but maybe he just needed it to be someone else after all.”

"I didn't really mean as his master," Padmé says gently. "There are other ways of being lost, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan sags. “I know,” he says. 

"I understand that you did what you had to," Padmé says, stroking his hair back from his forehead. "But for what it's worth, I've missed you, too. Very much." She even surprised herself with how much.

Obi-Wan says, “I appreciate that, Padmé. You know, I never wanted—I just wanted what I had. I never wanted it to be anything like this. All this mess.”

"Mm," Padmé takes a moment to marshal her thoughts. "This is the _mess_ that the Jedi and their rules have made of a perfectly respectable and kind relationship."

Obi-Wan laughs. “I think maybe the details of our relationship have sweetened in your mind since we separated,” he says. “But I don’t—oh, Padmé.” He shakes his head. “I’m trying to see clearly. To acknowledge my feelings. But they’re a bigger mess than any of this.”

"Yes," she says. "And so are Anakin's. But mine aren't. Be fair. And don't pretend that our relationship began on Naboo. Our friendship goes back further than our sex life does, and that's what I don't want to see tainted."

“You’re perfect as you are,” says Obi-Wan. “What exactly are your feelings, Padmé? They can’t all be so understanding.”

She gives him a rueful smile. "No. I'm angry a lot more than I should be. And I'm selfish a lot of the time. I sometimes wish you'd both just quit the Jedi and be sensible. But the important part is, I care for you both and want us all to be safe."

Obi-Wan makes a little sound like _oof_. He leans back, and glances towards the bedroom. 

“Yoda would say there is conflict within me,” Obi-Wan says. “I just hope it doesn’t hurt _him._ ”

"You worry too much about him," Padmé says. "And not enough about yourself. Believe me, I know."

He says, “I gave up, Padmé. I was trying to grieve.” They sit together with that for a few seconds and he says, “So I don’t know what to do, thinking I can have it all back. And I feel—cornered, pushed into public where I never wanted to be. And I don’t know if it will really happen. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about you. You know, none of this is really my kind of thing. It’s difficult to manage.”

"Jedi are supposed to be patient, yes?" Padmé says. "Even if you're not sure of anything else right now, you have all of your training. You don't need to know anything right now." She's tired and frustrated from the past several months, but she's had training in patience, too. Maybe Obi-Wan will end up doing nothing about her. Maybe that will be all right.

Obi-Wan takes her hand and sits back with a sigh. “I’m jealous of Anakin. He never doubts that he’s in the right, he’s always sure he’ll get his way. And he can sleep through anything.”

"While we stay up worrying each other," Padmé says. She squeezes his hand. "You're allowed to have doubts, Obi-Wan," she says. "You've only just come back." She doesn't tell him that despite her tendency to worry, she's more like Anakin than like him. She doesn't have a lot of time for her own doubts, and once her mind is made up, it's made up.

Obi-Wan sighs. “Well, I’m fretting pointlessly now. Master Windu said we were both to get some rest, and maybe that’s what I ought to be doing. Not that I’m usually a fan of sleeping away my problems.”

She laughs. "Well, you know where the bed is. If Anakin wakes up and we're not there, he'll be very unhappy." She's still too full of adrenaline to sleep, but she's willing to lie down with them.

Obi-Wan’s expression turns fragile with relief. Oh, was that all he needed?

“May I just--?” he says. “Can I have a moment?”

She nods. "Of course. As many moments as you need."

“ _Thank you,_ Padmé,” he says. He presses his hand to hers before he stands up. “Thank you for everything.”

"Thank you," she says. "For coming home."

He smiles and leaves her, but he doesn’t go far.

iii.

When the bedroom door shuts Obi-Wan into the spacious, draped, lightly scented room, all of the massive clutter in his mind falls away. All the worry slips off. He’s standing in this room with Anakin breathing softly on the bed in front of him, and he feels like himself.

“Anakin,” he says, just feeling it in his throat, pushing against the roof of his mouth, sitting in his ears. He goes to the bed and gently pats Anakin’s stomach. “Anakin, wake up for a moment.”

Anakin's eyes flutter open, and then he's suddenly fully awake and present. He drags himself into a sitting position. "Obi-Wan," Anakin says. His eyebrow is raised skeptically, and he's smiling a little, but Obi-Wan can feel him waiting, tensed.

Obi-Wan knows he can be a little inscrutable, and he wonders from Anakin’s face what kind of impression he’s giving just now. Anakin can usually fish Obi-Wan’s feelings out, with a little determination, but Obi-Wan doesn’t want to make him fish. He doesn’t want him to worry.

“I know you’d like to talk,” Obi-Wan says. “Please. Just a little longer.”

In case now is all they have.

"All right," Anakin says. "Just--not too long. Last time we didn't talk, you ran away, remember."

“I know,” Obi-Wan says. He stands there, halfway across the room, and tries not to let his feelings overwhelm him. “It’s silly,” he says. “I know the council hasn’t approved any of this. I know if I had any integrity I wouldn’t have kissed you on Yavin.”

Anakin's expression clouds further. "Integrity. Sure. But you're not currently a Jedi, and I can make my own choices, so where does that leave us?"

Obi-Wan is so tired. “Maybe we should talk now,” he says. “I can see that you’re angry.”

"Not...exactly," Anakin says thoughtfully. "Not furious or anything. But yes, I'd like to talk now."

Obi-Wan sits at the chair by Padmé’s vanity. “All right,” he says. “What do you want to know?”

"Why didn't you say something before you left?" Anakin asks. "Why didn't you explain?"

“How could I?” Obi-Wan says. “Even if you would have chosen to break the rules, I couldn’t be the person who forced your hand. You were doing so well, Anakin. You were doing everything right. I could see that. And it wouldn’t have changed anything else that happened. I couldn’t make disobedience my last lesson to you.”

Anakin is uncharacteristically quiet. Then he says, "A few months ago, I might have argued with you. But I'm actually glad I stayed with the Jedi. It doesn't mean you didn't abandon me, though."

Obi-Wan says, “I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay. I’m sorry, Anakin, I couldn’t do it.”

"I don't think I’ll ever be that kind of Jedi," Anakin says, shaking his head. "I think I'm too selfish."

Obi-Wan says, “There’s more than one way to be a Jedi. And you’ve grown into such a good one.” He knows, really, that Anakin can be selfish. But maybe the fact that he’s equivocating is exactly why it took someone else to bring out Anakin’s full potential in the Order.

"Maybe," Anakin says dismissively. "Was whatever you found on your trip around the galaxy at all tempting?"

“What does that mean?” Obi-Wan asks.

"It means do you really want to come back?" he asks. There's harshness behind his calm voice, but Obi-Wan can see him willing it away.

That’s what Padmé wanted to know, too, and once again Obi-Wan’s heart shivers in his chest. 

“I can’t be what they want,” he says. “If they decide they want what I am, I will be here in a heartbeat. It’s only been better out there because I’m not longer trying to--I’m not trying to kill anything inside of me.”

Anakin nods slowly. "Obi-Wan." As if he's trying the name out for the first time.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stay,” Obi-Wan says. “If I’d thought there was any chance--I just didn’t think there was any chance that things would change. I wasn’t doing any of us any good. And I was failing everything I cared for. You were gone, and I was trying so hard to do what they wanted, and they were still so angry because what they got wasn’t enough. And it was killing me.”

"Next time--" Anakin clears his throat. "If there is a next time, at least tell me this before you go. You left me with no idea--with nothing." He grips Obi-Wan's wrist hard.

“I was sure you would be all right,” Obi-Wan admits, even though he knows by this time that it’s the wrong answer.

"I wouldn't!" Anakin snaps. "How do you not understand that?"

“You’re resilient,” says Obi-Wan. “You have Padmé. I always made you angry.”

"You're making me angry right now," Anakin says. There's nothing dangerous in his voice; he just sounds frustrated. "Obi-Wan, you've been the only constant in my life."

“And I left,” Obi-Wan says. He shuts his eyes. “Yes. I see.”

"I loved you, and you left," Anakin says, eyes shining with exasperation. "Having Padmé didn't make up for that. Having Master Windu to teach me didn't make up for it. There's nothing that could replace you."

Obi-Wan, all at once, doesn’t care about the outcome of any vote. He doesn’t care what he’s promised or what he’s given up to remain faithful. He still failed in this faith, after all of that; and after all of that, Anakin loves him. And the thought of giving him up on purpose, even if it’s still a real possibility, seems too incredible to think about. 

“Just stop a minute,” Obi-Wan pleads, and kisses him. He’s terrified that Anakin is still angry and will push him away, but he sinks himself into it anyway. He kisses Anakin until all the breath slips out of him. This kiss is like cool air blowing on wounds he hasn’t allowed to breathe for months.

Anakin doesn't push him away, and he doesn't argue or say anything at all. He just holds onto Obi-Wan desperately, just as desperately as when they first defeated Dooku. Even when Anakin stops for breath, he still rests his forehead against Obi-Wan's, eyes shut, not speaking.

“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “I had to go a long way back to find anyone who wasn’t you.”

"I don't want you to find anyone else at all," Anakin mutters into his hair.

“Don’t be jealous,” Obi-Wan says. “I wasn’t looking like that.”

"I know," Anakin says. "Sorry." He pulls away enough that Obi-Wan can see his smile. "I just--need you all the time."

Despite every uncertainty, Obi-Wan feels himself relax for the first time in ages. 

“Come on,” Obi-Wan says. “I feel jealous, myself. Let me see if you have any new scars.” He puts his hands on Anakin’s neck and runs them down his chest. “I don’t want sex,” he says, aside. “I just want this.”

Anakin shudders. "I want this too," he says. "I don't ever want you to feel like a stranger again." His eyes are dark, and he stands still and lets Obi-Wan run his hands over him. "I do have a few new ones," he says. "You'll recognize them. I haven't been careful, Obi-Wan, you know me."

“Yes I do,” says Obi-Wan sternly. But he subsides and focuses on his hands, slipping Anakin’s clothes from his body layer by familiar layer, until he can identify and touch and kiss every new mark.

Anakin, usually so impatient, stands silently while Obi-Wan touches him. His skin feels a little too hot, as always. He has more new scars than Obi-Wan would like.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says over what he thinks is the last one. “You need me.”

"Yes," Anakin says quietly. "I could have told you that, Master."

Obi-Wan looks up at him, tongue-tied. His failings and doubts and question seem clearer in this moment. If Anakin will be hurt without him, then Obi-Wan has to be here. 

Obi-Wan gets to his feet and looks Anakin up and down. He is a little thinner than usual, but warmer and stronger and more preternaturally in control of his body than Obi-Wan even remembered. Obi-Wan really doesn’t want sex, but Anakin is beautiful.

"Promise me," Anakin says, his voice still hoarse with sleep. "Promise me you won't run off again. Not without saying anything to me."

Obi-Wan opens his mouth to argue, but what he says is, “I won’t.”

Anakin nods. "Are you coming to bed? I feel like I haven't slept in years."

“Oh,” says Obi-Wan. “Yes. Sorry.”

"We could also stand like this all night," Anakin says. There's a teasing edge to his voice, but Obi-Wan thinks he would do it. His eyes are glassy and he keeps staring at Obi-Wan's hands.

Obi-Wan tucks aside some of his own desires for now. That’s all right. He says, “Do you have anything to wear? Do you want anything to wear?”

Anakin shakes his head. "I don't want anything." He sits down on the edge of the bed and takes Obi-Wan's hand, pulling him close. "Today could have gone a lot worse, you know."

“It could have,” Obi-Wan says. “It might still. But I won’t just leave.”

"That's all I'm asking. Come here. I'm not going back to sleep until I can hear the way you breathe in your sleep.”

Obi-Wan is still dressed in these clothes that Anakin said made him look stupid. Or like a stranger. Something like that. He says, “Wait, you’re ahead of me,” and fumbles with the buttons.

Anakin leans close and helps, pushing Obi-Wan's hands out of the way and deftly undoing his buttons. When he's satisfied that Obi-Wan can manage the rest, he gets a robe from a drawer under the bed.

"Not overly Jedi-like," he says. "But good for sleeping."

Obi-Wan takes it from him and wraps himself inside.

“I’m glad Master Windu hasn’t stripped away your kindly impulses,” he says, smiling at Anakin. Oh, he’s worried and puzzled and tired, but truly, he feels like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Himself, living and breathing again.

"I've actually been honing them," Anakin says lightly. He strokes Obi-Wan's hair out of his eyes, just as Padmé did. "This is getting long."

“None of my friends were barbers,” Obi-Wan says. Softly, a little stupidly. He barely hears himself.

Anakin pulls him down into bed. "If you're still here after tomorrow, I'm making Artoo cut it off."

Obi-Wan makes a face. “Oh no, not Artoo,” he says. He lies flat and opens his arms for Anakin to fit inside. 

Anakin hesitates. "Are you sure? I feel like I should be holding onto you."

“Come here, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, practically chiding. 

Anakin laughs and settles himself on Obi-Wan's chest, warm and heavy. Obi-Wan can feel Anakin's muscles relax. He curls his hand around Obi-Wan's side comfortably.

Obi-Wan’s eyes sting, but he just says, “You’re one to talk. There’s enough hair on you for ten Anakins. What is this mess, hm?” He runs his fingers through it as he speaks, absorbing Anakin’s weight like a balm.

"Mm." Anakin already sounds half asleep again. "I've been busy. And there was nobody to nag me. Padmé likes it wild."

“Well if you can have so much hair, I can, too,” Obi-Wan says. He shuts his eyes and takes a long, deep breath. The shock of being here keeps making him tense, until the reality of it leaches the tension away again. 

Anakin is wrong, saying that he won’t fall asleep until he hears Obi-Wan do it. Anakin falls asleep first, before Padmé ever comes into the room, and the weight of his heavy, warm body, the movement of his breathing, finally slow Obi-Wan’s heart. He can finally unclench his fingers. He can finally sleep.

iv.

Mace is prepared for the headache before they even call the Council meeting. On the positive side, they’ve _got_ Dooku, and the parts of the meeting involving what to do about that are charged with excitement and optimism. It could be the end of the war; they all know it. What they do in the next day will matter vastly to what course the future takes. It’s daunting, but there’s an air of faith about it.

He doesn’t look forward to bringing up the next part--what they’re going to do about the heroes of the hour. There’s no putting it off, of course. Yoda has decided what Yoda has decided, and Mace doesn’t entirely disagree. They’re dealing with this tonight. It’s just bound to be unpleasant.

Just as he's gathering himself to bring up the subject, one of the Council does it for him. It's Aayla Secura, who sits in the seat so recently vacated by Obi-Wan.

"What about Master Kenobi?" she asks. She's been faithfully calling him that, despite everyone's insistence that he's no longer a Jedi. Mace has stopped correcting her. "Is he going to come back?"

Kit, earnest and concerned, says, “He told me that he wanted to.”

“But he’s stubborn,” says Master Gallia. “I don’t see him giving up on Skywalker now, after all this.”

“No?” says Yoda, smiling maddeningly. As if he was happy about the idea even a week ago.

"No," Master Plo agrees. "And if he did it once, he will do it again. We can't entertain this."

Mace grimaces. He just can't wait to tell them how much they're going to be expected to entertain. "There may be another way," he says. "A way that doesn't involve welcoming back someone who's breaking the rules."

“You think he will stop?” says Kit.

“Loopholes,” starts Adi grimly. 

But, “I would like to hear what Master Windu has to say,” interrupts Master Luminara.

Mace checks, and Yoda does not seem prepared to step in.

"I want to propose something more radical," Mace says. "The question I'm bringing to the Council is this: are we willing to amend the rules against attachment?" In the sudden and complete hush, Mace wishes he hadn't agreed to this.

"Surely you're joking," Master Plo says finally.

“A question it is, not a demand,” Yoda says. 

“I’m sorry things have been difficult for Skywalker and Obi-Wan,” says Master Gallia. “Genuinely. But I do think Skywalker has benefited from it in some ways.”

Mace had planned to sit back and let the discussion take its course as much as possible. He has a certain amount of extra influence, especially over the younger Masters, and he has no intention of using it. Still, they may need some gentle reminders.

"Let's not forget that Anakin was secretly investigating Dooku the whole time Obi-Wan was gone," he says drily.

“And nearly died doing it,” Master Plo says. “He has yet to learn the discipline of a Jedi, even as a master; and I don’t doubt that years of this-- _affair_ \--with his own master are partly to blame for this.”

"Well, I'm all for it, anyway," Ki-Adi-Mundi says cheerfully.

Several people’s heads whip around so they can stare at him. Plo Koon looks astounded. Maybe.

“How long did it take anyone to notice?” Master Mundi says. “Obviously they were performing perfectly well, even with the pressure of hiding their relationship. Relationships, in Anakin’s case. And that is a great deal of pressure.”

“I don’t think any of us would know that,” Kit says. “And it doesn’t matter, anyway. The code is how we respect each other. If we change it now that wouldn’t mean they showed respect before. It doesn’t ask _anything_ of them.”

"I think there's a difference," Shaak Ti says softly, "between discussing the fact that they broke the rules and questioning whether the rules are necessary. We shouldn't confuse the two conversations."

Ki-Adi-Mundi nods appreciatively (interesting).

“I’m unsure how to feel about this,” says Master Luminara. “I am--I accept the code as it exists, and I believe it does guide us. I would never think to change it, if it hadn’t come up here. But I--” She stops and frowns pensively.

“The rule is good,” Kit says. “The rule says selfish, single-minded obsession damages one’s faith and one’s work. And I agree.”

"But are you really saying that that's what relationships are?" Shaak says. "Selfish and single-minded? They don't have to be. They shouldn't be. Make no mistake, I have no desire for that kind of connection, but your view of them is--"

"This is inappropriate," Master Plo snaps. "To even discuss!"

“Dangerous it is,” Yoda says, “to make talk forbidden.”

“I’m not worried about discussing it,” Adi says. “I just don’t like it.”

Mace watches everyone’s reactions. Some of them nod in agreement. Luminara’s lips press together; Ki-Adi looks amused. Aayla hasn't said anything yet, which isn't like her.

"Master Secura," Mace prompts.

"I'm troubled," she says, frowning. "I don't feel right discussing Master Kenobi like this."

“Neither do I,” says Luminara. 

“If he didn’t want us to discuss it, he shouldn’t have done it,” Kit says. “But it’s over now, anyway, isn’t it? We don’t even need to have this conversation. Master Kenobi is sorry.”

Adi laughs. “You think he’s coming back if we don’t let them keep it up?” she says. “Kit, you _are_ younger than the rest of us.”

"Mm," Master Windu says. He's not happy about that remark, but she's not _wrong_.

"Then he's not coming back," Plo says. "I respected him, but if he can't abide by the Code, he cannot be a Jedi."

Shaak holds up a hand. "Wait. We should be asking what the purpose of this change in the rules would be. Outside of the question of Obi-Wan, what new avenues would this open?"

“It will detach future generations of Jedi from their purpose,” Adi says. “It will tell them that they should prioritize something over the order. Nothing should come before the order.”

“In my opinion,” says Master Mundi, “it will lift shame and fear from something that already happens, among dedicated Jedi, who serve perfectly well even while hiding half their lives from their brethren.”

Mace sees him smile at Luminara this time, and she looks alarmed.

"That's not--" Master Plo starts. Then he stops short. "Wait, what are you saying?"

Master Mundi stretches out his legs, steeples his fingers, and gives Plo a long look.

“Oh, for--” exclaims Adi, throwing up her hands. “You, Ki? And you’re just going to come out and say it?”

“I suppose I am,” he says.

Mace hadn't seen this coming.

"Just to be clear, you're not just referring to a physical relationship?" Shaak says. "We've all had those. Those are allowed." She looks at Kit and amends, "Most of us have had those."

Mace doesn't know about _most_ of them.

“Hmmm,” says Yoda, with what Mace crankily thinks sounds a lot like glee, his ears craning backwards.

“How long has that been going on?” Adi says crossly.

“Seventeen years,” says Ki peaceably. He raises his hands. “She is an artist.”

Plo exclaims in no language Mace has ever heard. "But this is outrageous!"

"Are we talking about this?" Aayla asks. "We're not supposed to talk about it."

Mace realizes he's in over his head. He had no idea. He's never felt the slightest temptation to break those rules, and he just didn't know.

“Well,” says Master Mundi. “I suppose you can expel me from the order, too. That’s all right. I’ve already fought in one more war than any Jedi ought to fight. I’ll retire and live with my lover very happily. But I suspect others would stay who will remain miserable and silent.”

No one is looking at Luminara except Mace, he thinks, and thank goodness.

"Is the rule doing any good?" Shaak asks, calm and relentless. "Adi's point is that it helps us avoid selfish feelings. But perhaps another way of looking at it is that we should approach relationships with the selflessness of the Jedi way."

"Master Kenobi is the furthest from selfish of anyone I know," Aayla says.

“Maybe we should ask,” Luminara says haltingly, “whether anyone whom we _know_ is breaking this rule has been any lesser for it. As a Jedi.”

Yoda says, “Anxious, you are, in asking this.”

Luminara looks genuinely upset by now.

“I can’t believe any of this!” Kit is saying.

"Quiet," Mace says, raising his hand. "Let Master Luminara speak. I think it's a valid question she's raising."

“Did you ever for a moment,” Luminara says, voice shaking uncharacteristically, “doubt Obi-Wan’s or Ki’s commitment, or ability? Or dedication to the order? To the Force? I certainly never have. Because they haven’t ever wavered. Even though they’ve had to hold onto a lie.”

“That _is_ wavering,” Kit says. 

“ _That_ is agony,” she shoots back. “But they haven’t failed as Jedi in any other respect, and they’ve each saved all our lives more than once.”

“Luminara,” Adi says gently. “I might not be the person you want asking you this.”

Luminara drops her face into her hands and doesn’t answer. Kit looks absolutely beside himself.

"I don't understand," Plo says. "You, too? _You?_ I respect all three of you. I--This requires some thought."

"You've been in love?" Aayla asks Luminara cautiously. "Are in love?"

“Oh, no,” Luminara says. “Please, I can’t.”

She’s not ready to retire into obscurity. She’s relatively young, and fiery, and Mace thinks that if she were forced to leave the Order, she’d give Obi-Wan’s vigilantism spree a run for its money.

Kit says, “I don’t understand.”

"You keep saying that," Shaak says, indicating Kit and Plo. "But you do understand. Obi-Wan was just the first one to be found out."

"So let me ask you again," Mace says, in hopes of reining them in. "Is the Council prepared to take a vote today on changing the rules regarding attachment?"

“May we have a recess to consider?” Adi says. “Because I don’t agree, but I won’t vote no without thinking it over first.”

Mace nods. "I think that would be wise. There have certainly been some...revelations." The whole room feels unsettled. He could use time to think as well.

“Thank you, Master Windu,” Adi says. 

“One hour, you have,” says Yoda. “Meditate, if you must. Talk, if you will. Then return, and act as you are compelled to act.”

They file out, and Mace tries not to look at Yoda. _How much did you know?_ he wants to say. More, certainly, than he did. It's both infuriating and oddly comforting. This may not be the disaster he thought it was. Depending on how they vote.

v.

Until this moment, Kit would have considered the answer to Master Windu’s question to be obvious; just now, however, as they’re dismissed, an hour doesn’t feel like nearly long enough to think. As soon as the Council disperses, Kit wades through his confusion to make a quick calculation, and hurries after Master Ti. Just behind her, he says, “Master Ti--please, may I talk to you?”

She turns to him, tiny and serene. "What is it, Master Fisto?"

Kit glances around. There are other masters nearby, and what he wants is space to clear his head. Well, and someone to fill it up again. This whole situation feels utterly beyond his grasp.

“I wanted your opinion,” he says, as temperately as he can. “Would you be kind enough to give it?”

"Maybe," she says. She's always infuriatingly difficult to get an opinion out of. "About what we just discussed, you mean? I have more questions than opinions."

“That might not hurt,” he says. “If you wouldn’t mind. Could we--go somewhere more private?”

She leads him into one of the meditation rooms. "This seems like the right place," she says. "We all have much to contemplate. Although it seems that most of the Council already has its mind made up." She pauses, running her hand over the stone sphere in the room's center fountain. "But not you."

Kit says, in too much of a rush, “I don’t know what to think. I was so troubled when we found out about Obi-Wan and Anakin. I couldn’t really believe they would do that. And now, hearing that other members of the council have broken the same parts of our code? I--I think I am angry. But anger can’t drive my decision, and I wanted to know what you think. You haven’t done what they have, but you are--” He stops, looking embarrassed.

Master Ti plays with the water in the fountain, making it hover in the air in an arc. "I've had plenty of lovers," she says. "That's not forbidden. But I've never been in love, no. I wonder which is truly better for finding balance and clear-mindedness."

“Does it matter?” he says unhappily. “I’ve felt for people, but I’ve never thought of pursuing it. Over the code? I couldn’t. Choosing to break the code--it’s breaking faith with the Jedi…”

"Clearly Master Windu and Master Yoda don't feel that way," Master Ti says. "Perhaps the code is not immutable."

“Except it was the code when they chose to break it,” Kit says sharply. “And I don’t--I don’t think we should be having _sex_ at all. Isn’t it a distraction? Isn’t it selfish?” The words tumble out of him, and he flinches internally against what she might have to say back.

The corner of her mouth twitches, and the water settles back in the fountain. "So even though we've been permitted to do so, you think otherwise? Isn't that hypocritical?"

“I--” says Kit. “I don’t know, I--it just seems like all of that is a distraction. Something that could too easily drive us away from the Force.”

"We're all just beings doing our best," Master Ti says. "Even Jedi. Do you really believe Ki-Adi and Obi-Wan have been driven away from the Force? Do you believe I have?"

Kit crosses his arms. “I don’t know. Obi-Wan, maybe. He _left_.” But he’s unsure, and he knows he sounds unsure.

"Is that what's troubling you?" Master Ti asks.

“I was troubled before that,” Kit says, before he loses his clarity of memory. “I was troubled when Obi-Wan admitted what he’d done in front of the council. I’d thought--I thought we were all on the same page. That I could trust everyone.”

"He let you down," Master Ti says, still gentle. "I know. I think some others felt the same, to a lesser degree. But was caring for Skywalker such a crime? True, I might question his taste…"

Kit, flustered, waves a hand to stop her. 

“I don’t, I mean, I just--is it even that _good_?” He’s horrified to ask.

Master Ti laughs, bell-like and sharp. "Trust me," she says.

“Oh,” he says. “Ah. Well, I. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just upset because he upset me. I--already told him that I reacted childishly. But when I said that, I thought he wasn’t planning to go back to Anakin! I thought he would come back to us!”

"And they're offering up a chance for him to do both," Master Ti says. "If the wisest and most powerful of us feel that way, I wonder why you're still so worried."

“I don’t want to vote away our precepts just because I like him,” Kit says stubbornly.

"What about voting them away because they're not the only way?" she asks. "Obi-Wan's...indiscretion has revealed that a number of respected Jedi aren't following those rules. So maybe the rules are the problem, not your fellow Masters."

Kit stews in that, and tries to understand without the fear that surrounds his thinking of it.

“I wouldn’t have known,” he says. “If they hadn’t told us, I wouldn’t have known any of them were doing it. They’re all good Jedi.”

"Does this change that?" Master Ti asks, relentless. "If you wouldn't have known, doesn't that prove that it hasn't ruined them?"

He frowns. “I understand what you’re saying,” he says. “And I--haven’t made up my mind. But plenty of people hide terrible things and seem to be perfectly good neighbors and friends. It doesn’t mean that what they’ve done in secret isn’t bad. It only means they’re good at keeping secrets.”

"Surely you're mature enough to tell the difference between hiding terrible things and hiding attachment," Master Ti says. For the first time, he can detect a hint of irritation in her voice.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I’m trying to make the best of my hour. I’m trying to understand.”

She nods, and she's all calm energy again. "If you want to understand, beyond this hour, you might try talking to Obi-Wan. He's the most dedicated Jedi I know. And he also clearly loves Skywalker very deeply."

Kit is overwhelmed. He’s only been faithful, hasn’t he? And now every choice seems both right and wrong. It isn’t supposed to be complicated--trust the code, do what’s right. Except, if Jedi can be wrong, the code can be, too.

“I look up to him very much,” he says.

"I know," Master Ti says. She touches his arm. "There's nothing harder than getting to truly know someone you look up to."

The words strike at something deep inside him, and one clear thought emerges. He says, feeling overly dramatic even as he says it, “I could be responsible for him losing everything he loves, couldn’t I?”

Master Ti considers. "Yes," she says. "It's good to be able to understand it like that."

Kit rubs his hands together anxiously. “Yes,” he says. “Maybe it is.” He blinks at her. “Thank you, Master Ti. I think I’d better--consider on my own for awhile. Thank you.”

"You're always welcome to come to me with questions," she says. "Thank _you._ "

Kit bows, and goes to find a meditation room of his own. Something else with water, which soothes him. Somewhere where he can know he’s making the right choice.  
vi. 

Anakin knows he can't fool the Masters into thinking he's calm when he and Obi-Wan are called before the Council, but he can at least look it on the outside. The Masters' faces, as usual, reveal nothing.

"Master Skywalker," Master Windu says. "Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan, next to Anakin, feels like an expanse of flat ocean. He must be anxious, but all day he’s been peaceful and cool and refusing to fall to pieces. He doesn’t even respond to the way Master Windu addresses him.

“It will come, Anakin,” he’d said earlier, when Anakin needled him for a reaction. “There’s no way or reason to rush it. If they decide against us, well--then we’ll decide what comes next.” And then he’d asked Threepio for lunch and refused to fuss any more.

Now he gazes back at the Council, one wrist clasped behind his back. 

“Master Windu,” he says, with a bow. “The Council.”

"Well, no need to drag this out," Master Windu says. "The Council has voted, although not unanimously, to amend the historic Jedi laws against romantic attachment."

It takes Anakin a moment to process this. What if there's a catch? "Master?"

"You win this one, Skywalker," Master Windu says.

“How?” Obi-Wan says. His voice is nothing like itself. “That is--how?”

Master Gallia says, “Are you asking how we came to do such a foolish thing, or how it’s been amended?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says. He sounds stunned, like he’s stepped off a curb and been struck by a large bird. “I think--yes.”

"We've voted to allow all marriages and other similar relationships," Master Windu says, looking incredibly uncomfortable. "Yours included, of course. We're still discussing how this will pertain to familial relationships, which is usually the other source of dischord."

"Unwavering commitment to the Order is still required," Master Ti says. She smiles. "We just think you can do both."

“If I may answer the former part,” says Master Fisto, “a majority of us are moved to feel that--members of the Order have performed admirably even while hiding their affections from their fellow Jedi. And that maybe they would perform better still if they weren’t carrying a burden of shame or fear.”

“ _Kit,”_ says Obi-Wan, as if the bird that struck him had begun to play guitar.

Master Fisto grins shyly. 

Master Mundi adds, “That, and half of us are already doing it.” Master Luminara coughs.

"What?" Anakin demands. He never would have even _guessed_ that. "I thought I was the only one. Well, me and Obi-Wan."

"You're apparently far from the first," Master Secura says. "You're not so special, Anakin." She says it in a friendly enough way, though.

“Seventeen years,” says Master Mundi serenely. “Nearly as long as you’ve been alive.”

Anakin is speechless. He sorts through all of his emotions--relief, jealousy, absurd amusement--and settles on saying, "You should have said something to Obi-Wan sooner."

"Don't lecture us," Master Windu says. "You're getting what you wanted." He turns to Obi-Wan. "And you, Master Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan’s hands slip free and clench by his sides. He doesn’t answer. When Anakin looks at his face, he can see Obi-Wan is on the edge of tears.

“Trust in the Force, we should have,” Yoda says, speaking at last, “Trust that all paths are not old paths. Far more than the current council, the force sees.”

“Yes, Master Yoda,” Obi-Wan says unevenly.

“Well?” says Master Gallia. “Are you coming back?”

Anakin is breathless, waiting. This matters so much more than the Council's actual decision, he realizes. He was never going to listen to what they said, but if Obi-Wan chooses to leave and never come back, that's worse.

“Gladly,” Obi-Wan says quietly. “With all my heart.”

A sigh of relief moves through the room. They all love Obi-Wan, Anakin realizes. His own heart clenches with joy.

Even Master Plo says, "Good, because running off over this was ridiculous."

Obi-Wan says, “Oh, let’s not fight already, I don’t think Master Windu would approve,” but he still sounds a little faint.

“Welcome back, Master Kenobi,” Master Luminara says.

Joy swells in Anakin's chest, and it's all he can do to stop himself from grabbing Obi-Wan and kissing him. He knows Obi-Wan wouldn't appreciate that, though.

"And your seat on the Council is yours, if everyone is agreed on that," Master Secura says. "I'd be happy to turn it back over to you." She smiles at Obi-Wan.

“Oh, no,” he says. “I couldn’t. You earned it. It was my choice to give it up in the first place.”

“Welcome you would be nonetheless,” Master Yoda says. 

“I have a solution in mind,” says Master Mundi. “I told you all about it already. We vote, I retire gracefully into the arms of my lover.”

Master Gallia and Master Plo both look unhappy.

Master Secura turns a purpleish color and says quickly, "I'm sure that's not--oh, well, whatever you want."

Anakin laughs out loud. "I just didn't _know_."

Master Luminara, who is usually rather cold to Anakin, affords him a small smile.

“Enough, is this, Obi-Wan?” Yoda says. “Anakin and the Jedi and the Council you have.”

“I might need to sit down soon,” Obi-Wan says.

"I think that's a good idea," Master Windu says. "Thank you, Master Kenobi. Thanks to the two of you, the war looks like it's actually coming to an end."

“I’m sure, due to many...” Obi-Wan says, and Anakin waits for the end of the sentence but it doesn’t come. “That is, I hope you’re right. I--thank you, I--”

“Report to the Council tomorrow, you will,” Yoda says. “For now, you go.” He gestures for them both to leave with a crooked smile.

Anakin bows low and then takes Obi-Wan's arm and steers him out of the Council chambers. He feels tongue-tied with emotions, and he can sense that Obi-Wan is even more at a loss.

“I don’t believe,” Obi-Wan is saying as they emerge into the hall. “I don’t _believe--”_

"That the Jedi did something sensible for once?" Anakin says. "Neither do I. But they did. And oh, Obi-Wan--" He catches Obi-Wan's hip with one hand and pulls him into a kiss.

Obi-Wan makes a noise of reflexive protest, and then a sort of gasp of realization, and then he falls into the kiss, arms tight around Anakin’s shoulders. Anakin holds Obi-Wan close and kisses him until he thinks he can't get away with it anymore.

When he pulls away, he realizes they're not alone. Masters Ti and Plo are watching them. Thankfully, Master Plo's face is unreadable. Master Ti looks amused.

"Well, no need to lose all sense of decorum!" Master Plo says.

“Sorry!” says Obi-Wan, although Anakin isn’t.

"Let them have their moment of happiness," Master Ti says. "You've earned it," she tells them.

It all feels so surreal. Anakin has never felt that the Council approved of him in general, but this all feels genuinely kind. He's dizzy with it. He grabs Obi-Wan's hand and says, "Maybe we'd better be going." He wants to be somewhere he can kiss Obi-Wan without interruption.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan agrees. “Away. Master Ti. Master Plo.” He nods politely, and then beats a retreat with Anakin still attached to him by the hand.

They make it home without talking much, each of them sitting with his thoughts. Anakin isn't going to sit and dissect the Masters' reasons, but he is looking ahead toward the future. It's funny, though, he realizes: not a single one of them asked him anything about where Padmé fits into all of this.

Once they're home, Anakin sends Artoo and Threepio away immediately.

"Now," he says, "I can kiss you."

Obi-Wan searches his face, and swallows. 

“Let’s start there,” he says, and he catches Anakin under the chin, and slowly pulls him into a kiss that’s long, and searching, and warm.

Anakin kisses him back, his hands on the small of Obi-Wan's back. He can feel Obi-Wan's life force moving. It feels like a flower opening after a long time in the dark.

"You're home," he says breathlessly, between kisses.

Obi-Wan clasps a hand to the back of Anakin’s neck, and buries his face just below Anakin’s collarbone. 

“You’ve learned to be kind,” he says. 

"I'm not always a good student," Anakin says, "but this lesson was important."

Obi-Wan exhales. “I need to drink something,” he says. “And then I feel I might need to sit for awhile. And we should let your wife know what happened, and then we’ll--” A transformation comes over his overwhelmed face, until the expression is simply _joy_. “We’ll do anything we want.”

Anakin nods, his eyes damp. "Threepio! Get back out here and make Obi-Wan some tea!" He kisses Obi-Wan's cheek. "I'll call Padmé."

“Please do,” Obi-Wan says. He just looks so _happy._

Anakin settles himself next to Obi-Wan on the couch and calls Padmé on his holocomm. Her image rises in front of them, in miniature.

“I ducked out,” she says breathlessly. “Session’s running late. Well, what happened?”

"They changed the rules for us," Anakin says. He wishes he could reach out and touch her. "Or maybe not _for_ , but we were the catalyst. Apparently some of the others have been doing it for years." _Years_.

“What?” she says. “They voted yes?”

“They voted yes,” Obi-Wan said. “And--several other nice things.”

"The Council loves Obi-Wan," Anakin says, but without rancour. "He's going to stay."

“Of course he’s going to stay,” says Padmé. “Oh! That’s wonderful. Did they let you back on the Council, too? They couldn’t have, they filled your seat.”

“Ah,” says Obi-Wan.

Anakin collapses into helpless laughter. "I can't, Master," he says. "I can't say it. You tell her." He feels weak with relief at how ridiculous it is.

Obi-Wan obligingly repeats Ki-Adi-Mundi's declaration word for word. Padmé makes such a noise that the hologram almost squeals into static.

“Oh, dear. Oh, well,” Obi-Wan says. “Coming home soon?”

“So soon,” Padmé says. “But don’t let me hold you up. There’s time.” She smiles, and says to Anakin, “There’s _time.”_

Anakin almost melts with relief. He keeps being caught by waves of it. "Thank you," he says. "You're amazing, Padmé."

“I love you,” she says. “I love you. I’m so proud. I’ll see you soon.”

They could do something, in the time between the call and Padmé arriving home, but they don’t. They just sit there staring at each other, mostly. When door finally opens, and Padmé comes through, they both turn. 

“Anakin!” she says. “Obi-Wan! You’re all right. They didn’t eat you alive.” She knew already, but she says it like she hasn’t believed it until now.

Anakin leaps to his feet, runs to her, and spins her around. "Everything's going to be all right," he says, and this time it doesn't sound like a panicked wish. It sounds like the truth.

When he turns to look at Obi-Wan, hands still on Padmé, Obi-Wan is watching her shyly, a small, pleased smile unable to hide the sheer happiness that’s bursting out of him. Padmé takes Anakin’s hand long enough to squeeze it, then detaches herself long enough to meet Obi-Wan as he stands up, and crush him into a hug. He hugs her back, Anakin can see how carefully. 

Anakin doesn't really understand it, but somehow he's been allowed to have everything after all. "Thank you," he says quietly, maybe to them, maybe to the Council, maybe to the force. Then, when he can't stand waiting anymore, he pushes his way into the hug.

They invite him in, laughing, and don’t let go for an age.

vii.

The next six months are a wild polar opposite to the months that came before. Instead of being separated, they’re together in everything--Obi-Wan and Anakin sent from world to world evaluating need in the aftermath of the war, Padmé rallying relief efforts through the senate. Anakin doesn’t follow through on implied threats of clinging, but he’s watchful and close by and he curbs his tongue more than he used to. Obi-Wan thinks a part of him is still afraid he’ll lose everything he has.

A part of Obi-Wan certainly is, but he tells it, again and again, to be calm. 

They’re between assignments, sitting by a fountain in a square on Coruscant with Padmé, when things change.

“You know,” says Obi-Wan, “All the nature we see on our missions is lovely, but I’d just as soon sit here with a little sensible steel and stone. No carnivorous plants. No bugs. It’s refreshing, honestly.”

"Maybe," says Anakin, who as far as Obi-Wan can tell, doesn't like any climate in the known universe. He keeps his arm around Padmé and the side of his foot pressed against Obi-Wan's.

Padmé sighs. “I miss Naboo,” she says. “I always do. The water, the trees. The smell of the air.”

“Mm,” Obi-Wan says, to not be disagreeable. “You should find your way home sometime soon.”

“Yes, I’ve been thinking of it,” Padmé says, tilting her head to see him around Anakin’s chest.

"We could all go," Anakin says. "Not soon, though. I think the Council is going to make us keep working until they forget what trouble we've been."

“There’s plenty to do,” Padmé agrees. “And I don’t want to stop working, not when we’re finally doing good with our efforts. When we’re piecing everything back together.”

“But?” Obi-Wan prompts.

She shoots him a look that is so innocent it makes his stomach flutter.

"What?" Anakin asks. He gets go of Padmé and turns to look at her.

“I think I may take a week or two,” she says. “Or a month. Or two months. More? Anyway, I think you should come with me.”

“But not just now?”Obi-Wan asks, trying to work out what she’s saying behind that unreadably coy expression. 

“No, not now,” Padmé says. “Maybe in another six months. I’m sure we’ll have accomplished a lot by then,” she adds, as if this is an afterthought.

"Well, that's all right," Anakin says. He sounds guarded. "We'll certainly have earned it by then."

Padmé is still wearing that expression, and Obi-Wan reaches out to feel--but he can’t sense it, whatever it is, and if there were anything so obvious surely Anakin would know himself. 

“Padmé,” he says. “I think you’re leading us on somewhere.”

“Of course,” Padmé says with a sigh. She gives a brief glance around at the strangers walking through the plaza and says, “I’m pregnant. I have been for awhile, actually.”

Obi-Wan’s first thought is that it’s insane to think Anakin _didn’t_ know, so he turns to him and says, “Have you been keeping quiet about this too?”

Anakin looks stunned. "What--no! No, I didn't--Padmé!" His shock melts into a hesitant smile. "That's--all right, isn't it?" Anakin is never so unsure as with Padmé.

She laughs. “It _is_ all right. More than. And the timing couldn’t be better.” She leans forward to look between their faces. “Aren’t you going to ask whose they are?”

Obi-Wan doesn’t even process the words at first, and then he does and feels himself going bright red.

“Anakin, surely,” he says, nearly stuttering. “THEY?”

"Oh," Anakin says, turning a baffled face on Padmé and then on Obi-Wan. "But--two? More? Padmé, is that _really_ all right?"

She laughs in his face. “What do you mean, is it really all right? Of course it’s all right. _I’m_ all right. But I couldn’t tell you who the father is,” she says. “And I’m not sure I’ll be bothering to find out.”

“Oh, really,” says Obi-Wan. But it could be him.

Anakin shakes his head. "It doesn't really matter, does it?" Obi-Wan's surprised--and a little relieved--to hear him say that. "We're all going to take care of them. Oh, Padmé." He hugs her carefully, as if she might break, and then tighter.

“So we should _all_ go to Naboo,” she says. “But only for a little while. There’s no chance I’m losing work over this, and I can only take so much time with my parents. Oh, no!” she says suddenly.

"What?" Anakin asks. "What else?"

“The last time I talked to them they hadn’t heard that we were married yet,” she says. “I have no idea if they know. What if they know and they just aren’t saying anything about it? What if they don’t know and I arrive on their doorstep with a husband, a Jedi, and twins?”

Anakin makes a horrified noise that's probably a laugh. "That sounds worse than the Council."

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says. “The Council will be a treat too, won’t they? They won’t have had Jedi’s children before. Not officially.” He imagines the Council in a fresh tizzy. Fresh and inevitable. “They’ll be very unhappy to think Anakin has fatherly responsibilities.”

"We'll train them," Anakin says, a much less nervous and more delighted smile growing on his face. "The babies. We'll bring them to the Temple and train them."

“You don’t even know if they’re Force-sensitive,” Padmé says. “Maybe I’ll take them with me to work, hm? Teach them nation-building. Governance.”

"What will you teach them, Obi-Wan?" Anakin asks.

“Manners and wit,” says Obi-Wan. 

Padmé gives a little hiccup of laughter and reaches past Anakin to kiss him. He doesn’t know she’s going to do it, and he’s surprised. This is public, unlike the two of them. But it’s good, like both of them are good, and like all of this is good. He holds onto the kiss longer than she intends it, and then sits slowly back, smiling at her. He takes Anakin’s hand in his. 

Anakin gives it two quick squeezes. "Parenting can't be so hard, after all this."

Obi-Wan raises his eyebrows. “You think so, hmm?”

"Yes," Anakin says, his eyes blazing with confidence. "We didn't choose to fight the Sith, but we're choosing this."

“I think we might still need a nanny with three parents,” says Padmé thoughtfully. “We’re all so busy. Anakin, are you sure you don’t want to stay home and let us handle everything else?”

"I can't, remember?" Anakin says. "They're giving me a padawan and soon as things quiet down. Personally, I'm hoping they'll forget."

“That’s how many children?” Obi-Wan asks.

“Three,” says Padmé. She pats her stomach twice and then points at Anakin. “One, two, three.”

“Well,” says Obi-Wan. “That’s very nice, isn’t it? And for a few more months, one, two, three. Who wants to be in charge of telling Master Windu?"

"I'll tell him," Anakin says. "He likes me all right, ever since he got to train me. At this point, nothing would surprise him, I think." He looks very smug about it.

“How fortunate,” Obi-Wan says, “that Qui-Gon and I landed on Naboo.” He pauses. “And that I didn’t settle for Jar-Jar.”

Anakin looks horrified, then delighted. "Obi-Wan," he says. "You aren't going to be allowed teach the children anything."

Obi-Wan smiles at him serenely. Padmé nudges them both says, “Look up, at how nice today is. Isn’t this a good day to begin things?”

Obi-Wan looks around at all three of them, and the people on the streets, and the water in the fountain, and finally up at the bright, fresh sky. 

“Yes,” he says. “It is.”


End file.
